Issue51 【Chasing For "6" Score】第一次作业 第一次写，请指正

wanghfUID: 2315382

issue51 "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

There is a public controversy nowadays over the issue of whether student-centered education is the only effective way to help student learn. I agree that general education we adopt today seems more feasible in a large scale by providing almost same curriculums and teaching plans to all kinds of students. However, the students indeed appeal to be taught according to their personal need and interest. However, the teacher-centered education regardless of individual characters will be proven to be counterproductive.

In the first place , I think it is instructive to remember the original reasons that people would get an education. As we all known , meeting personal need and developing interests are the basic motivates for one to spend time in getting education. Many students who choose engineer as their future occupation for its steady and salary wage want to get more technological training than abstract theories. They might skip classes when the faculties teaching them always talk about how to prove certain theories rather than introducing the update technology and design of specific projects . Personal interest, as well as need , plays an leading role in one's education effects. One of my high school classmates, M r Li, who was particularly interested in mathematics had finished the university curriculums of mathematics major by teaching himself before he graduated from high school .On the other hand , there were still some students bored by math in the same class failed to pass the graduation exam in high school. Therefore , If one is interesting in a certain subject, he would devote all his time and efforts to mastering it, no matter whether the educational goal is difficult to him. In short , the specifically designed education is more effective than the teacher-centered education .

In the second place, The student-centered education are beneficial to improve the education quality and cultivate talents. When what is taught in the class is just what is needed or interested by students, tutors might not be distracted from gossiping students and can concentrate on passing on  knowledge he prepared carefully. Most teachers have the similar experience that if their lessons are welcomed by more students , they would like to work more harder , and carefully. In addition, Supposed a student with distinguished  gifts in music, with only few common music curriculums in high school courses, he or she may not discover his own gifts. Only does his or her music tutors provide sufficient and specific music lessons can dig out the special talent of him or her, otherwise, the world likely are going to lost a famous musician because of the teacher-centered education.

Admittedly, too much emphasis on specific education may make students disregard the importance of general knowledge, therefore undermining their academic basis. Taking high school education as example , we encourage students to learn a wide rang of basic disciplines , such as mathematics, literature, physics, chemistry and philosophy, to ensure that they can absorb adequate knowledge from different subjects. That guarantees them to have a relative general background to develop their interests and explore their own potentials. If a student interested in literature is encouraged to plunge in literature and overlook other subjects from high school, even if the individual interest is satisfied , it is harmful for his or her future development for lack of logical and analytical training.

Consequently, due to the analysis and reasons mentioned above, as long as we do notice to avoid  overlooking general knowledge study, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that the specifically designed Education for each students will be truly effective.

提纲：
1开头。支持以学生为中心教育方式。
2自己的理由
a，教育要满足学生需要；
b，教育要符合学生兴趣；
3以学生为中心的好处
a，提高教师的教学质量；
b，利于开发天赋；
4同时要注意全面发展
5结论。总结全文

[ 本帖最后由 wanghf 于 2008-3-1 14:42 编辑 ]

loudUID: 2387861

There is a public controversy nowadays over the issue of whether student-centered education is the only effective way to help student learn.(不好) I agree that general education we adopt today seems more feasible in a large scale by providing almost same curriculums and teaching plans to all kinds of students.(前面讨论的是effective怎么一下到feasible上了？缺少过渡) However, the students indeed appeal to be taught according to their personal need and interest. However(这么多转折？), the teacher-centered education regardless of individual characters will be proven to be counterproductive.

In the first place , I think it is instructive to remember the original reasons that people would(shoudl好些把) get an education.(是什么原因呢？后面没有给出答案阿) As we all known , meeting personal need and developing interests are the basic motivates for one to spend time in getting education. Many students who choose engineer as their future occupation for its steady and salary wage(要一个旧可以了把) want to get more technological training than abstract theories. They might skip classes when the faculties teaching them always talk(talk的主语是faculties与teach的用法不符) about how to prove certain theories rather than introducing(rather than 后面是do 还是doing?) the update technology and design of specific projects.(列举逃课向要说明什么？摆在这里没有分析什么的感觉很奇怪) Personal interest, as well as need , plays an leading role in one's education effects. One of my high school classmates, M r Li, who was particularly interested in mathematics had finished the university curriculums of mathematics major by teaching himself before he graduated from high school .On the other hand(conversely,on the other hand用的不对) , there were still some students bored by math in the same class failed to pass the graduation exam in high school.(例子说明兴趣很重要，但是没有说education满足兴趣很重要，后者才是issue的重点，例子与题目无关) Therefore , If one is interesting(interested) in a certain subject, he would devote all his time and efforts to mastering it, no matter whether the educational goal is difficult to him. In short , the specifically designed education is more effective than the teacher-centered education .
TS是什么呢？看不出来 之感觉在说兴趣很重要，这个不是题目要讨论的把。 而且前后没有逻辑，想到什么写什么。

In the second place, The student-centered education are beneficial to improve the education quality and cultivate talents. When what is taught in the class is just what is needed or interested by students, tutors might not be distracted from gossiping students and can concentrate on passing on  knowledge he prepared carefully(这个例子too naive了吧，感觉和逃学的一个意思，显得思路不够开阔). Most teachers have the similar experience that if their lessons are welcomed by more students , they would like to work more harder , and carefully(这部分不是在第一段中已经包括了吗？). In addition, Supposed a student with distinguished  gifts in music, with only few common music curriculums in high school courses(要说明是在teacher-center education中), he or she may not discover his own gifts. Only does his or her music tutors provide sufficient and specific music lessons can dig out the special talent of him or her, otherwise, the world likely are going to lost a famous musician because of the teacher-centered education(例子苍白无力，感觉不是很合常理). 发现gift就可以变成talents了吗？应该重点放在对talents的培养上而不是发现上吧。
教学质量的例子不好，感觉不能说明问题，观点和1段有些重复。


Admittedly, too much emphasis on specific education may make students disregard the importance of general knowledge, therefore undermining their academic basis. Taking high school education as example , we encourage students to learn a wide rang of basic disciplines , such as mathematics, literature, physics, chemistry and philosophy, to ensure that they can absorb adequate knowledge from different subjects. That guarantees them to have a relative general background to develop their interests and explore their own potentials. If a student interested in literature is encouraged to plunge in literature and overlook other subjects from high school, even if the individual interest is satisfied , it is harmful for his or her future development for lack of logical and analytical training(建议深入一点，overlook导致lack, lack又导致什么呢？lack那些就一定不利于development马？明星们不也混的很好吗？).
还以为这段会是feasible。。 那首段中的feasible就被忽略了 。。。

Consequently, due to the analysis and reasons mentioned above, as long as we do notice to avoid  overlooking general knowledge study, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that the specifically designed Education for each students will be truly effective.
写支持观点，我认为这个题目不应该忽略only这个词，写反面观点说明specific design根本就不是effective所以更不用说only effective了，所以可以忽略only。不过写支持观点的话，一定要从反面说明不specific design得就是ineffective的，要抓住only这个词。
总体感觉文章将重点放在了语言上忽略了逻辑和论证，逻辑比较差，观点和例子 ，论证也不好。

我改了你的了，我也想找个人坚持互改，希望keep in touch。

wanghfUID: 2315382

你好，首先谢谢你，你在几楼？把作文链接留下吧，我们以后结对互改。
我的QQ:393820973
MSN:seapeak6@hotmai.com
你也留下联系方式吧
l

月光曲UID: 2463736

issue51 "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

There is a public controversy nowadays over the issue of whether student-centered education is the only effective way to help student learn. I agree that general education we adopt today seems more feasible in a large scale by providing almost same curriculums and teaching plans to all kinds of students. However, the students indeed appeal to be taught according to their personal need and interest. However, the teacher-centered education regardless of individual characters will be proven to be counterproductive.

In the first place , I think it is instructive to remember the original reasons that people would get an education. As we all known , meeting personal need and developing interests are the basic motivates（motivations） for one to spend time in getting education. Many students who choose engineer as their future occupation for its steady and salary wage want to get more technological training than abstract theories. They might skip classes when the faculties teaching them always talk about how to prove certain theories rather than introducing the update technology and design of specific projects . Personal interest, as well as need , plays an(a) leading role in one's education effects. One of my high school classmates, M r Li, who was particularly interested in mathematics had finished the university curriculums of mathematics major by teaching himself before he graduated from high school .On the other hand , there were still some students bored by math(s) in the same class failed to pass the graduation exam in high school. Therefore , If one is interesting(ed) in a certain subject, he would devote all his time and efforts to mastering it,（all his time显得有点绝对） no matter whether the educational goal is difficult to him(可能用how difficult…更好一点，因为是否困难并不能很好的界定). In short , the specifically designed education is more effective than the teacher-centered education（应该强调从这个角度来说，因为下面还有其他的方面，这句话更像结尾段里的）.

In the second place, The student-centered education are beneficial to improve the education quality and cultivate talents. When what is taught in the class is just what is needed or interested by students(觉得这个宾语从句what is needed or interested by students有点别扭), tutors might not be distracted from gossiping students and can concentrate on passing on  knowledge he prepared carefully. Most teachers have the similar experience that if their lessons are welcomed by more students , they would like to work more（much） harder , and carefully. In addition, Supposed(Suppose) a student with distinguished  gifts in music, (加上yet比较好)with only few common music curriculums in high school courses, he or she may not discover his own gifts. Only does his or her music tutors provide sufficient and specific music lessons can dig out the special talent of him or her( only when … , can … be digged out。Only后面的句子不要倒装，can 这里才需要), otherwise, the world likely are going to（would） lost a famous musician because of the teacher-centered education.（这一段的论证有些过于绝对化，忽视了其他的可能理由，似乎只有学校教育才能够及其学生的兴趣，别无他法）

Admittedly, too much emphasis on specific education may make students disregard the importance of general knowledge, therefore undermining their academic basis. Taking high school education as （an）example , we encourage students to learn a wide rang of basic disciplines , such as mathematics, literature, physics, chemistry and philosophy, to ensure that they can absorb adequate knowledge from different subjects. That guarantees them to have a relative general background to develop their interests and explore their own potentials. If a student interested in literature is encouraged to plunge in literature and overlook other subjects from high school, even if the individual interest is satisfied , it is harmful for (to) his or her future development for lack of logical and analytical training.（这一段的语句不是非常流利，此外，对于general education如何给学生带来好处没有说清楚，建议使用一些例子，正面反面的皆可，再增加深入地论述）

Consequently, due to the analysis and reasons mentioned above, as long as we do notice to avoid  overlooking general knowledge study, we may safely(这个词是什么意思用在这里？) arrive at the conclusion that the specifically designed Education for each students will be truly effective.（结尾段过于简单，应该还要把自己论述的理由说的明白一点）

提纲：
1开头。支持以学生为中心教育方式。
2自己的理由
a，教育要满足学生需要；
b，教育要符合学生兴趣；
3以学生为中心的好处
a，提高教师的教学质量；
b，利于开发天赋；
4同时要注意全面发展
5结论。总结全文

没有说为什么teacher-centered education 为什么比另外一种更加feasible。
作为支持的理由，论述有些不够，建议从广度和深度上继续挖掘。
建议楼主都列举一些出名的例子，从而更加具有代表性和说服力。
有些小的语法错误标示在文中了，
最后祝楼主不断进步，取得理想的分数!

loudUID: 2387861

我在19楼
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msn carsonzhang@hotmail.com
以后多联系交流阿，晚上9点上QQ交流怎么样？

原帖由 wanghf 于 2008-3-3 21:05 发表
你好，首先谢谢你，你在几楼？把作文链接留下吧，我们以后结对互改。
我的QQ:393820973
MSN:seapeak6@hotmai.com
你也留下联系方式吧
l

wanghfUID: 2315382

ok