Argument26 Savior小组第5次作业，欢迎拍砖

波波萨UID: 2456094

题目：ARGUMENT26 - The following appeared in a memo from the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda.

"For the past five years, Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, and during that time the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions. In addition, the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High has improved markedly over the past five years. Because of such successes at Steel City High, the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system."
字数：502          用时：01:45:01          日期：2008-3-9 1:28:40

     In this memo, the arguer suggests Saluda school hire Mr.Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system. To support his recommendation, the arguer points out that during the time Mr.Schade was the music director at Steel City High, the school has won three competitions. He also says the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and music instruments has improved at the same time. All these evidence sounds reasonable, but in several respects, however, it lends little credible to support the recommendation.
     To begin with, the arguer simply equals the achievements of Steel City High School to Mr. Charles Schade's private contribution. Only three  prizes that won during Mr.Schade's directing period cannot prove Mr.Schade's ability.  From such little information given in the memo, we do not know music teaching situation of Steel City High School. Maybe the school attaches importance in music teaching for a long time and won various of prizes every year. If my assumption is existent, Mr.Schade would not be worth to hire because no evidence shows he has much ability in music directing. The arguer does not tell us how many competitions the school wins when Mr.Schade is not the director. Perhaps since Mr.Schade comes into Steel City High, the school band has won fewer prizes than ever. If so, the recommendation is off base.
      Secondly, the arguer gives no evidence to prove that Mr. Schade's direction is the reason for the quality of music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments improvement. As I have discussed above, Steel City High may have a long music tradition, they update their facilities and instruments every year, and Mr.Schade has nothing to do with all these things. Only we have known that Steel City High did not improve its instruments and facilities until Mr.Schade made his efforts, will we believe that Mr.Schade has competence that we need.
      Thirdly, the arguer recommendates to hire Mr.Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda system while he is once succeeded in directing a school band. The arguer fails to establish a relationship between these two different positions. Even if Mr.Schade does a good job when he was the director of Steel City High School band, he may not be competent for planning the entire school system's music education programs. In other words, Mr.Schade is likely to be a good director, but there is no evidence supporting that he is a good decision maker at the same time.
      To sum up, the arguer fails to justify Mr.Schade' abilities especially the faculty in planning and making decision that a leader needs. If the arguer does want to persuade us to accept his recommendation, he should prove that all the achievements Steel City High got is due to Mr.Schade. Furthermore, he must provide more information on Mr.Schade's capabilities. In one word, he should persuade Mr.Schade can worth his salt if he plans and directs the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system.

eversundayUID: 2412084

LZ首段和结尾段中的arguer的指代用he好像不妥，he/she比较好一点，XDF说万一阅卷人是个女权主义者就不太好了。:handshake :handshake :handshake

daqing431hdUID: 2320564

Argument26 Savior小组第5次作业，欢迎拍砖

题目：ARGUMENT26 - The following appeared in a memo from the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda.

"For the past five years, Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, and during that time the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions. In addition, the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High has improved markedly over the past five years. Because of such successes at Steel City High, the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system."
字数：502          用时：01:45:01          日期：2008-3-9 1:28:40

     In this memo, the arguer suggests Saluda school hire Mr.Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system. To support his recommendation, the arguer points out that during the time Mr.Schade was the music director at Steel City High, the school has won three competitions. He also says the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and music instruments has improved(应用被动语态) at the same time. All these evidence sounds reasonable, but in several respects, however, it lends little credible to support the recommendation.
     To begin with, the arguer simply equals the achievements of Steel City High School to Mr. Charles Schade's private contribution. Only three  prizes that won(被动) during Mr.Schade's directing period cannot prove Mr.Schade's ability.  From such little information given in the memo, we do not know music teaching situation of Steel City High School. Maybe the school attaches importance in music teaching for a long time and won(注意时态) various of prizes every year. (这句是否是说在Mr CS还没来这个学校之前的学校音乐课的教学状况?)If my assumption is existent, Mr.Schade would not be worth to hire because no evidence shows he has much ability in music directing.(与前面的句子重复,只要举出其他可能性就可以) The arguer does not tell us how many competitions the school wins when Mr.Schade is not the director(before Mr.Schade is the director at this school 感觉这样意思明确些). Perhaps since Mr.Schade comes into Steel City High, the school band has won fewer prizes than ever. If so, the recommendation is off base.
      Secondly, the arguer gives no evidence to prove that Mr. Schade's direction is the reason for the quality of music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments improvement. As I have discussed above, Steel City High may have a long music tradition, they update their facilities and instruments every year, and Mr.Schade has nothing to do with all these things. Only we have known that Steel City High did not improve its instruments and facilities until Mr.Schade made his efforts, will we believe that Mr.Schade has competence that we need.
      Thirdly, the arguer recommendates to hire Mr.Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda system while he is once succeeded in directing a school band. The arguer fails to establish a relationship between these two different positions. Even if Mr.Schade does a good job when he was the director of Steel City High School band, he may not be competent for planning the entire school system's music education programs. In other words, Mr.Schade is likely to be a good director, but there is no evidence supporting that he is a good decision maker at the same time.
      To sum up, the arguer fails to justify Mr.Schade' abilities especially the faculty in planning and making decision that a leader needs. If the arguer does want to persuade us to accept his recommendation, he should prove that all the achievements Steel City High got is due to Mr.Schade. Furthermore, he must provide more information on Mr.Schade's capabilities. In one word, he should persuade Mr.Schade can worth his salt if he plans and directs the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system.
我觉得思路清晰,每个攻击点再多列举一些可能因素,会使论证更加有说服力.也可能写成让步的,即使这个人非常有能力,但是两个学校的情况不同,他在在别的学校的成功经验不一定使用本学校,两个学校的条件不同.个人意见,水平有限,多包涵!

波波萨UID: 2456094

呵呵多谢拍砖啊

波波萨UID: 2456094

那应该用什么呢？难道用“it":)