Learning to Love the Computer and All

闲情UID：111016

Learning to Love the Computer and All
http://www.sina.com.cn 2003/02/14 13:13  《英语学习》


　　At least once per day, without fail, mycomputer, like every computer Ihave ever owned, has some kind of emotional breakdown. It simply stops working ?often when I'm not touching it ?and it puts a message on the screen informing me that an error has occurred. It does not say what the error is, norswheresit occurred. For all I know, it occurred in New Zealand, and my computer found out about it via the Internet, and became so upset that it could not go on.

　　When this happens, I have to turn my computer off and start it up again. When I do, my computer puts a snippy note on the screen informing me that it is scanning its disks for errors, because it was shut down improperly.

　　But I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!?I shout, but my computer ignores me, because it is busy scanning its disks. You just know that if it finds any errors, it's going to blame me, even though I don't even knowswheresits disks ARE.

　　While my computer is busy, I scan my wart. I have a wart on my right leg. It has been there for many years. I call it Buddy.<注1> I keep an eye on Buddy, in case his appearance changes. I've read that it's a bad thing, medically, when a wart suddenly changes appearance. If I ever look down and see that Buddy has turned green, or he's wearing a little pair of Groucho glasses<注2>, I'll know it's time to take some kind of medical action. Such as quit drinking.

　　But my point is that because of computer weirdness, I regularly see an entire morning's work ?sometimes as many as 18 words ?get blipped away forever to the Planet of Lost Data. Needless to say, I use Microsoft Windows. I've been a loyal Windows man since the first version, which required you to write on the screen with crayons. Every year or so, Microsoft comes out with a new version, which Microsoft always swears is better and more reliable, and I always buy it. I bought Windows 2.0, Windows 3.0, Windows 3.1415926, Windows 95, Windows 98, Windows ME, Windows RSVP, The Best of Windows, Windows Strikes Back, and Windows Let's All Buy Bill Gates a House the Size of Vermont.

　　My computers keepshavingsseizures, but I keep buying Windows versions, hoping I'll get lucky. I'm like the loser in the nightclub who keeps hitting on the hot babe. His shoes are squishing from the pina colada<注3> she poured on him, but he's thinking: She's warming up to me!?

　　I bring this all up because now Microsoft has a new version out, Windows XP, which according to everybody is the most reliable Windows ever.?To me, this is like saying that asparagus is the most articulate vegetable ever.?But still, I am tempted. Maybe this will be the one,?I say to Buddy, as the two of us wait for the disks to be scanned.




学会爱电脑及其他
　　我的电脑——就像以前我有过的所有电脑一样——每天至少会来上一次某种类型的情感故障，从无例外。它就是不动了——经常是在我根本没碰它的时候——并在屏幕上显示一条讯息，告诉我发生了一个错误。它不说是什么错误，也不说发生在哪里。就我所知，错误发生在新西兰，我的电脑通过互联网发现了它，并因此烦恼得无法继续工作。

　　在这种情形下，我只得关闭电脑再重新启动。这样做以后，电脑就在屏幕上打出一条傲慢无礼的讯息，告诉我它正在扫描磁盘中的错误，而原因是我没有正常关机。

　　“可我什么也没干呀！”我叫道。但电脑根本不睬我，因为它正忙着扫描它的磁盘。要知道，一旦它发现了任何错误，它就会怪到我头上，尽管我连它的磁盘在何方都不甚了了。

　　电脑忙着的时候，我审视我的疣。我右腿上长了个疣，已经有好些年了。我管它叫巴迪。我密切注视着巴迪，以防它的外表有任何改变。我读到过，疣外表上的突变从医学上看不是什么好事情。如果我低头看到巴迪变绿了，或者戴上了一副小小的格鲁乔眼镜，我会意识到该采取某种医疗行动了，比如戒酒。

　　不过我要说的是，由于电脑的古怪脾气，我经常看到整整一个早上的工作成果——有时候多达18个单词——永远消失了，去了“丢失的数据之星”。不用说，我用的是微软视窗系统。从视窗第一版——这个版本要求用户用彩色笔在屏幕上书写——开始，我就是它的忠实用户。大约每隔一年，微软公司都会推出一个新版本并信誓旦旦地称它更好、更可靠，而我也总是照单全收。我买了视窗2.0版、视窗3.0版、视窗3.1415926版、视窗95版、视窗98版、视窗ME版、视窗RSVP版、最佳视窗版、视窗“又来了”版以及视窗“让我们大家为比尔-盖茨买一座跟佛蒙特州一样大的房子”版。

　　我的电脑仍在不停犯病，而我仍坚持购买各种视窗版本，希望自己能交上好运。我就像那个夜总会里的倒霉蛋，不停地去招惹那个热力四射的女郎。他的鞋子已经被女郎泼在他身上的冰镇果汁朗姆酒泡软了，而他还在想：“她就要对我动心了！”

　　我说这些是因为微软又推出了新版本——视窗XP，每个人都说它是“有史以来最可靠的视窗版本”。对我来说，这就像是说芦笋是“有史以来口才最好的蔬菜”一样。但我还是心动了。在和巴迪一起等待电脑扫描磁盘的时候，我对它说：“也许这个版本行。”

闲情UID：111016

Annotation


1. Buddy意为“老兄，伙计”。

2. Groucho glasses：连有眉毛、髭须和假鼻子的眼镜，通常用于化装舞会等场合。其来源可能与美国三四十年代喜剧明星格鲁乔-马克思(Groucho Marx)有关，此人典型形象为浓眉、髭须、大鼻并戴眼镜。

3. pina colada：冰镇果汁朗姆酒。