issue130 April作文互改小组第一周作业

rita_moyoUID: 2274069

130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

对两个观点都有异议：
一：暂且同意孩子的社会化会影响身心成长而且他们如何成长将影响社会发展。分别讲述社会化与非社会化情况，举大学生杀人与林肯为例
二：但是社会化不是个人对社会有利的唯一条件，简单的道理好比不是所有决定都是由政客与外交家决定的。社会的命运与发挥自己才能的科学家工程师有很大关系，他们未必都是善于社交的。举例陈景润找不到家门
三：如果更好的社会意味着长寿人多，人们的关系更和谐，作者的观点看起来是在否定社会进步。另外，我们依照各自的文化传授下代生存规则。由进化论可知，我们的后代可以根据我们的经验创造出更美好的社会

I take exception with the speaker’s dual claim. The first prong that the destiny of society is contingent on how children are socialized today, while appealing in some respects, overstates the significance of socialization. And the second prong that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society is poorly supported by the empirical evidence.

I concede that how children are socialized will influence their physical and mental growth and how they grow up will impact society’s development. One who gets along with peers well is likely to have more chances to succeed in working together with the others and then will grow healthily. While one who often suffers solitude and contempt tend to be a loser in most activities and sometimes grow into a menace to society. Case in point, we were shocked by a college student a few years ago, murdered many classmates for they didn’t respect him enough. Afterward, we found he was supposed to be a shy and unsociable boy, that character shaped in childhood, more or less, demonstrated a motive of his action. Again, children who are taught to be sociable seem to continue such principle treating with surroundings and grow up to be an excellent leaders and a tolerant member of society. Taking account of Abraham Lincoln, he contacted with varied people when he was young and finally turned to be a popular president in populace.

However, socialization is not the only one factor influencing the extent to which individual do good to the society, as simply as the fact that not all the decisions of a country are determined by sociable politicians and diplomats. The destiny of society actually also has much to do with those scientists and engineers who can exploit talent for every opportunity but not necessary are sociable to discover the nature secret and improve our live quality. We need look no further than many famous persons to find ample examples. For instance, Chen Jingrun, a Chinese famous mathematician, who proved why 1 plus 1 equals 2 once lost himself in the market nearby his home because nearly all his minds used to emphasize on the abstract problems rather than those in real life. We can figure out many talents, owning particular interests and ideas part from the others, could probably has difficulties to communicate with common people, but it is them who have created most treasures for today.

As for the second claim, the speaker asserts that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. If a better society means in the world there exist more aged and healthy people, more tolerant and moderate people who have compatible relationships with people from different race and religion, less wars and conflicts than ever before, the viewpoint of the speaker appears to deny the progress of our society. The speaker failed to see we do lead a live as former definition and it can be well supported by the empirical evidence. On the other hand, no matter where we are, we will impart our offspring the rule basing on our distinctive culture which is shaped in the long past histrory. As Darwinism has said, our descendant can use our experience to create a place more fit for living, and else, the evolution history has informed us that our society had been becoming better all the time and that’s the contribution of the past generation we have raised.

In sum, I generally disagree with the both two claims for first, the speaker has not judged the role of children‘s socialization in development of society in a comprehensive perspective and secondly, relying on no evidence, the speaker has hastily put forward a negative opinion about our capacity of cultivating children for better society. In my opinion, so far, we have fostered and prepared great many children for the constantly changing society. What's more, as people in all fields are needed in society,  whether we can foster them to exploit their talent will determine the destiny of society.

[ 本帖最后由 rita_moyo 于 2008-3-24 17:16 编辑 ]

deerprinceUID: 2394244

130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

对两个观点都有异议：
一：暂且同意孩子的社会化会影响身心成长而且他们如何成长将影响社会发展。分别讲述社会化与非社会化情况，举大学生杀人与林肯为例
二：但是社会化不是个人对社会有利的唯一条件，简单的道理好比不是所有决定都是由政客与外交家决定的。社会的命运与发挥自己才能的科学家工程师有很大关系，他们未必都是善于社交的。举例陈景润找不到家门
三：如果更好的社会意味着长寿人多，人们的关系更和谐，作者的观点看起来是在否定社会进步。另外，我们依照各自的文化传授下代生存规则。由进化论可知，我们的后代可以根据我们的经验创造出更美好的社会

I take exception with the speaker’s dual claim. The first prong that the destiny of society is contingent on how children are socialized today, while appealing in some respects, overstates the significance of socialization. And the second prong that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society is poorly supported by the empirical evidence.（首段提出了对论断的反对，并提纲挈领的引出了两个主题，引出下文，简洁明了。）

I concede that how children are socialized will influence their physical and mental growth and how they grow up will impact society’s development. One who gets along with peers well is likely to have more chances to succeed in working together with the others and then will grow healthily. While one who often suffers solitude and contempt tend to be a loser in most activities and sometimes grow into a menace to society. Case in point, we were shocked by a college student a few years ago, murdered many classmates for they didn’t respect him enough. Afterward, we found he was supposed to be a shy and unsociable boy, that character shaped in childhood, more or less, demonstrated a motive of his action. Again, children who are taught to be sociable seem to continue such principle treating with surroundings and grow up to be an excellent leaders and a tolerant member of society. Taking account of Abraham Lincoln, he contacted with varied people when he was young and finally turned to be a popular president in populace.（对比论述很精彩，最后的例证非常贴切。）

However, socialization is not the only one factor influencing the extent to which individual do good to the society, as simply as the fact that not all the decisions of a country are determined by sociable politicians and diplomats. The destiny of society actually also has much to do with those scientists and engineers who can exploit talent for every opportunity but not necessary are sociable to discover the nature secret and improve our live quality. We need look no further than many famous persons to find ample examples. For instance, Chen Jingrun, Chinese famous mathematician, who proved why 1 plus 1 equals 2 once lost himself in the market nearby his home because nearly all his minds used to emphasize on the abstract problems rather than those in real life. We can figure out many talents, owning particular interests and ideas part from the others, could probably has difficulties to communicate with common people, but it is them who have created most treasures for today. （中国人的例证感觉尽量少用，外国考官认为一个证明一加一等于二的科学家没有什么伟大成就的。 :>）

As for the second claim, the speaker asserts that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. If a better society means in the world there exist more aged and healthy people, more tolerant and moderate people who have compatible relationships with people from different race and religion, less wars and conflicts than ever before, the viewpoint of the speaker appears to deny the progress of our society. The speaker failed to see we do lead a live as former definition and it can be well supported by the empirical evidence. On the other hand, no matter where we are, we will impart our offspring the rule basing on our distinctive culture which is shaped in the long past histrory. As Darwinism has said, our descendant can use our experience to create a place more fit for living, and else, the evolution history has informed us that our society had been becoming better all the time and that’s the contribution of the past generation we have raised.（感觉非常精彩，将社会发展与达尔文进化理论结合，很值得学习。）


In sum, I generally disagree with the both two claims for first, the speaker has not judged the role of children‘s socialization in development of society in a comprehensive perspective and secondly, relying on no evidence, the speaker has hastily put forward a negative opinion about our capacity of cultivating children for better society. In my opinion, so far, we have fostered and prepared great many children for the constantly changing society. What's more, as people in all fields are needed in society,  whether we can foster them to exploit their talent will determine the destiny of society.

整篇文章无论从逻辑框架还是例证以及论述还有语言都非常娴熟，感觉这篇文章能拿到高分至少5.5，唯一论证举例感觉中国人的例子少用，非常值得我的学习。~~~

liuliu8389UID: 2432168

例证及语言都很精彩，赞:)

rita_moyoUID: 2274069

从issue280那里学到很多

[ 本帖最后由 rita_moyo 于 2008-3-28 01:01 编辑 ]