★决胜iBT★小组第二周第一次作业 by gyyx

gyyxUID：2290150

作文：
17. Some people think that they can learn better by themselves than with a teacher. Others think that it is always better to have a teacher. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons to develop your essay.
                                                                                                                                                                                   
Being students for nearly 20 years, I get a truth, that is, studying with a teacher is much better, which could not only bring about you as a guide to knowledge, but also as a tutor to help and inspire you in the future.

To begin with, it is more efficient with a teacher when you study in a new filed. Everyone may experience this stage, and if with a teacher, who could be a guide to this unfamiliar tour. Through this, we could save our time as well as energy to learn well. Numerous examples could be picked up from ourselves as we are all good examples that going to school at an early age, and are still studying in a university with teachers. If without a teacher, we may still exploit how to study, or what should to study first, or whether we could study many subjects at the same time. They offer us the method of study and the overall knowledge about a subject, which would be beneficial for your future study.

Admittedly, sometimes when you are not in the first stage of study, you may be more likely to do self-study, in which you could control your own step, and fulfill your own own. Thinking independently may be of use for you. However, as it is often the case, you still confront with difficulties in your study, and some of them you could not figure out with your own ability. Now you need someone to consult or to inspire you through discussion. The best person for this is a teacher, since he/she may be expert in this field, or she/he may also run into the same questions in their past study. They know what they should do is not to tell you how to do but to inspire you and do some help for you to exploit your own way to solve the problems. With their help, you could go further in the study, and not to take the risk of giving up if you could not deal with the problems all by yourself.

In addition, sometimes we see a teacher like a friend, from who we always could learn something, especially some tips of life. My English teacher in high school is an upright man. The time spending with him lead me understand of the honesty, so important concepts even in today's life.

Finally, to sum up, studying with a teacher benefit the first stage students a more interactive guidebook, while with other stages the inspiration of study and essence of life.

lifehouseUID：2470218

sorry,昨晚有事，耽误了

[ 本帖最后由 lifehouse 于 2008-4-10 10:43 编辑 ]

goldin2008UID：2140085

Being students for nearly 20 years, I get a truth, that is, studying with a teacher is much better, which could not only bring about you as a guide to knowledge, but also as a tutor to help and inspire you in the future.

To begin with, it is more efficient with a teacher when you study in a new filed. Everyone may experience this stage, and if with a teacher, who could be a guide to this unfamiliar tour. Through this, we could save our time as well as energy to learn well. Numerous examples could be picked up from ourselves as we are all good examples that going to school at an early age（感觉表达有问题）, and are still studying in a university with teachers. If without a teacher, we may still exploit how to study, or what should to study first, or whether we could study many subjects at the same time. They offer us the method of study and the overall knowledge about a subject, which would be beneficial for your future study.

Admittedly, sometimes when you are not in the first stage of study, you may be more likely to do self-study, in which you could control your own step, and fulfill your own own（goal吧？）. Thinking independently may be of use for you. However, as it is often the case, you still confront with difficulties in your study, and some of them you could not figure out with your own ability. Now you need someone to consult or to inspire you through discussion. The best person for this is a teacher, since he/she may be expert in this field, or she/he may also run into the same questions in their past study. They know what they should do is not to tell you how to do but to inspire you and do some help for you to exploit your own way to solve the problems. With their help, you could go further in the study, and not to take the risk of giving up if you could not deal with the problems all by yourself.

In addition, sometimes we see a teacher like a friend, from who（whom） we always could learn something, especially some tips of life. My English teacher in high school is an upright man. The time spending with him lead(leads or led) me understand of (去掉of)the honesty, so important concepts even in today's life.

Finally, to sum up, studying with a teacher benefit（s） the first stage students a more interactive guidebook, while with other stages the inspiration of study and essence of life.(只用to sum up,去掉finally)

总体写的非常好，尤其是结构中间有小转折，让步，而且不是一开始就让步，放在中间段，让人感觉分析很有层次而且有一种逐步分析，很有逻辑的感觉；虽然有些小的用词错误，但看得出作者的写作水平很高了，说理和用词很不错，加油！
口语下了半天也下不下来；你稍等

[ 本帖最后由 goldin2008 于 2008-4-9 20:30 编辑 ]

hyacinthUID：2184492

Being students（→as a student 后面主语可是I,要一致.而且being结构有点awkward,） for nearly 20 years, I get a truth, that is, studying with a teacher is much better, which could not only bring about (bring about=cause,用在这里不太合适 ) you as a guide to knowledge, but also as a tutor to help and inspire you in the future (只有teacher才能做guide和tutor,但是你先行词用的是which. 这个句子最好能重新写.).

To begin with, it is more efficient with a teacher when you study in a new filed (field). Everyone may experience this stage, and if with a teacher, who could be a guide to this unfamiliar tour.（:confused: 这里是不是没有说完? ）Through this (指代不明), we could save our time as well as energy to learn well (我感觉这个句子和之前的句子是一起的… 最好两个句子合并重新写).Numerous examples could be picked up from ourselves as we are all good examples that going (→who go)toschool at an early age,(delete this comma) and are still studying in a university with teachers. If without a teacher, we may still exploit (are probably still exploring) how to study, or what should to study first (杂糅,要么是what we should study first,要么是what to study first), or whether we could study many subjects at the same time. They (:confused: who is this they?) offer us the method of study and the overall knowledge about a subject, which would be beneficial for your(→our, tone要一致) future study.

Admittedly, sometimes when you are not in the first stage of study, you may be more likely to do self-study, in which you could control your own step, and fulfill your own own (:confused: own what?). Thinking independently may be of use (awkward, change it.)for you. However, as it is often the case, you still confront with(→are confronted with) difficulties in your study, and some of them you could not figure out with your own ability. Now you need someone to consult or to inspire(→be inspired,你是被inspire的人,) you through discussion. The best person for this is a teacher, since he/she may be expert in this field, or she/he may also run into the same questions in their past study. They know what they should do is not to tell you how to do but to inspire you and do some help for you to exploit(change it) your own way to solve the problems. With their help, you could go further in the study, and not to take  (and 前后应该是并列的) the risk of giving up if you could not deal with the problems all by yourself (:o 还是tone的问题.本来上个段子里是we,到了这里整个都变成you了:rolleyes: ).

In addition, sometimes we see a teacher like(→as) a friend, from who(→whom) we always could learn something, especially some tips of life. My English teacher in high school is an upright man. The time spending (→spent）with him lead (→leads) me (^ to) understand of the honesty (名词后才能+of),so important concepts (→a concept) even in today's life.

Finally, to sum up, studying with a teacher benefit(→benefits) the first stage students a more interactive guidebook (同样的,guidebook只能指teacher), while with other stages the inspiration of study and essence of life (while后面句子结构不完整).

我扫你文章的第一眼,觉得可能是篇不错的文章.但是细读一遍以后,觉得不怎么乐观,感觉逻辑很混乱.又看一遍,恩,还行,是一个递进结构,再看一遍,貌似写得还不错.但我还是想建议你重写.:o :rolleyes:

我先说说,为什么通读完一遍以后,你的文章给我的第一印象不太好.或许是因为我这个人比较注重细节吧.你的语法问题比较严重.写作中虽说出现一两个语法错误不会太影响成绩,但语法同时也从另一个方面体现了作者的英语表达能力.虽说iBT取消了PBT里的语法,但我想其实语法的分数分布到了口语和写作中.所以这个也是不得不重视的.
在想能给你的文章打多少分的时候,我又迅速的扫了一眼你的开头和结尾.觉得好像有点矛盾,前面get a truth, that is blah blah,后面又分情况讨论了.中心论点到底是什么? 再扫一眼每段的开头, 啊, 是按照递进的层次来写的. (因为你中间一段的tone整个跟上下文不一样,我大脑就自动把它屏蔽掉了-___-b,然后觉得文章缺乏过渡.:o ) 所以我本人不是很喜欢递进的结构,写得不好,就容易造成文章中心不明的错觉.

那还有就是,我觉得全文几乎仅仅是泛泛一谈,没有给出specific evidence.就拿你英文老师的例子来说,如果你能写出一些关于老师平时正直的细节,以及你怎么从中受益的,个人觉得比你之前的长篇大论更能说服人.又或者你文章中反复出现的first stage,可以给出一个具体领域具体到人吗? 写作的时候不要把你的读者想的很聪明,意会就好,你要给出足够的证据和理由去说服读者,让他们即使不能完全认同你的观点,起码也要觉得你的观点是可以站得住脚的,能自圆其说的.

如果时间允许的话,我建议你平时多进行英文阅读,培养语感,积累一些好句子(最关键的还是要把人家的地道的表达方式变成自己的.:loveliness: ).
再接再厉~~嘻嘻~~;d:


[ 本帖最后由 hyacinth 于 2008-4-11 18:01 编辑 ]

古月一囡UID：2341135

两位的评价完全不同啊～
我 都 看 不 懂，深奥……