作文求拍！！！谢拉！！！4.27就要考了！！！

emma811UID：2424062

是否同意学校应该开设更具挑战性的课程，意味着不能得到很高的分数？我觉得自己写的理由太苍白无力，结尾也不够好，望指教！！！
There is great discussion over education. One of the questions under debate is whether colleges should set up more challenging courses which mean that students might be able to get the supreme marks. The issue has become a matter of concern for accumulating people. As for me, in term of the information I've collected in the recent years, I am fully convinced that universities are supposed to set up more challenging courses, for it produces a far-reaching influence on students' later life.

In the first place, modern society is a truly high-paced and intensive environment. Modern people suffer from all kinds of survival stress and working pressure in myriad ways. As a result, there is no denying that students will be attacked by many challenging tasks and problems in the severe competition. Obviously, certain challenging courses prepared for the students in the colleges will develop students' higher level of self-confidence and strong will, which are the indispensable characteristics in the society. If they evade these courses passively, how can they handle more complex and demanding tasks in the future?

In the second place, some people maintain that lower grades of these subjects might strike students' positivity to study. They tend to live under the illusion that people should judge a student's academic performance by his or her grades, which is thought to be the best criteria and standard in evaluating the study effect. However, I never remain suspicious of the significant fact that students should assimilate useful stuff enthusiastically and spontaneously from what they have learned and put them into practice properly, which will put them on the favorable position in the future job market. Paradoxically, those who have access to higher scores and lower ability might be eliminated through selection or contest eventually. Moreover, demanding courses often encompass increasingly profound and extensive knowledge, which definitely contribute greatly to the study of other easier subjects.

From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw a conclusion that it is better for colleges to set up more challenging courses, which is beneficial to students.

hyacinthUID：2184492

There is (^a) great discussion over education. One of the questions under debate is whether colleges should set up more challenging courses which mean (→means) that students mightbe able to get the supreme marks. The issue has become a matter of concern for accumulating people. As for me, in term (→terms) of the information I've collected in the recent years, I am fully convinced that universities are supposed to set up more challenging courses, for it (it指代什么) producesa far-reaching influence on students' later life.

In the first place, modern society is a truly high-paced and intensive environment. Modern people suffer from all kinds (all kinds? 能更具体一些么) of survival stress and working pressure in myriad ways. As a result, there is no denying that students will be attacked by many challenging tasks and problems in the severe competition. Obviously, certain challenging courses(be more specific. Like what courses?) prepared for the students in the colleges will develop students' higher level of self-confidence and strong will, which are the indispensable characteristics in the society. If they evade these courses passively, how can they handle more complex and demanding tasks in the future?

In the second place, some people maintain (^ the opinion) that lower grades of these subjects might strike students' positivity to study. They tend to live under the illusion that people should judge a student's academic performance by his or her grades, which is thought to be the best criteria and standard in evaluating the study effect. However, I never remain suspicious of the significant fact that students should assimilate useful stuff enthusiastically and spontaneously from what they have learned and put them into practice properly, which will put them on the favorable position in the future job market.( useful stuff具体是什么? 到底什么是What they have learned.物理化学现象?理科思维的严谨?还是一种人生态度?怎么样叫运用到实际生活里? 这种运用又是怎么有利于找工作的? 你完全可以设置一个合理的情景.添加人物和具体的事件.这样才会显得更真实). Paradoxically, those who have access to higher scores and lower ability might be eliminated through selection or contest eventually. Moreover, demanding courses often encompass increasingly profound and extensive knowledge, whichdefinitely contribute greatly to the study of other easier subjects.

From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw a conclusion that it is better for colleges to set up more challenging courses, which is beneficial to students.

你的文章反应了你丰富的词汇量.这点非常impressive.语言非常流畅, 几乎没有语法错误,说明你有良好的写作功底.表达也都很到位,我也没有什么好改的.:o

en,关于这个文章的题目我有点看法.我不确定原来的英文题目是什么样子. 但是目前的这个题目似乎有中文语病, 俗称两面对一面.我猜题目本身的statement应该是,学校开设更具挑战性的课程意味着学生不能得到很高的分数,如果是这样,你的文章似乎就有些跑题.因为你关注的重点是学校应该开设挑战性的课程.
不过就针对你文章的论点来说,也还存在一些问题.中间两个段子似乎缺了主旨句.最好能让读者看完第一句就明白你这一段要写什么.至于你会觉得理由苍白无力是因为你没有给出细节.没有论据的论点自然会显得空洞没有说服力.
最后正如你自己所说的,结尾太仓促了.典型的虎头蛇尾. 结尾除了要注意照应开头之外,其实还可以对一些观点再进行简单的补充说明.

留意到你说自己27号就要考试了,还有十几天.不用太担心,你的基础很扎实. 审题要注意,不过我觉得你这篇可能是因为中文题目不准确的缘故.另外在论据的展开上多下功夫.;d:
祝27号考出好成绩~~;d:

[ 本帖最后由 hyacinth 于 2008-4-16 13:36 编辑 ]

emma811UID：2424062

谢谢指教阿！！！很有启发！！！我会继续改进，希望得出一个好成绩。Thanks again

qx02UID：186868

最后一段略显单薄吧？似乎可有可无了。