作文求批，不胜感激

daisynonoUID：2435832

People listen to music for different reasons and at different times. Why is music important to many
people? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

Can we imagine that the music never exist in or suddenly disappear from the world? For almost all the people, this is unimaginative. Because music is of immeasurable significance in the world, not only in the ancient but also for the modern society, and it has penetrated in the soul of people, becoming the requisite part of civilization.

The music has experienced for hundreds of years’ development and evolvement, which generates many patterns of music. Such as jazz, rock and symphony. From ancient time to modern society music has changed a lot, its role, however, never changed. Whenever and wherever people have a celebration or party, music is the essential part. Not only can it increase the joyful atmosphere, but also provide a good topic to discuss.

Deep down, music is an effective method to help us with the emotion, relieving our stress and anxiety. We all sometimes faced with much stress due to the high-concentrated urban life and may not have the good method to release them. This is the time that music works. We can listen to some soft music to relax, such piano or folk music. There are times we are devastated, going to concert to hear Beethoven’s life and immersing ourselves in the passionate melody can instill us the power to defeat the difficulties and make us regain the confidence.

What’s more, music gives people more opportunities to be famous. Various music awards are held during every year. Grammy, BBC’s music awards are very famous and give rise to a lot of talented singers to be known. Grammy award is my favorite music award, which is like the yearly feast. From this award, I get to know the famous star Beyonce and Carrie Underwood. Their songs are every enjoyable and touching, giving me more sense of musical power.

It goes without saying that music is a way to appreciate and to make our life much easier. Had we no music, the world would be filled with nothing but boring.  It is the music that makes our world vibrant and energetic.

第一次在电脑上写这篇作文，稍微超时。就快考试了，希望大家狠批啊，多提宝贵意见。谢谢

kangzeshi1024UID：2446720

22  大概就这分了

hyacinthUID：2184492

Can we imagine that the music never exist in or suddenly disappear from the world? For almost all the people, this is unimaginative [unimaginative的意思是不具有想象力的.如果是我的话,我会用inconceivable]. Because music is of immeasurable significance in the world, not only in the ancient but also for (→in) the modern society, and it has penetrated inthe soul of people [这里的表达最好能改一下,看的不是很明白], becoming the[→a] requisite part of civilization.

The [删去] music has experienced for hundreds of years’ development and evolvement, which generates many patterns of music. [→ ”,”] Such as jazz, rock and symphony. From ancient time to modern society music has changed a lot, its role, however, never changed. Whenever and wherever people have a celebration or party, music is the [→a] essential part. Not only can it increase the joyful atmosphere, but also provide a good topic to discuss.

Deep down, music is an effective method to help us with the emotion, relieving our stress and anxiety. We all sometimes faced [→face] with much stress due to the high-concentrated urban life and may not have the good method to release them. This is the time that [→when] music works. We can listen to some soft music to relax, such piano or folk music [→such as piano and folk music]. There are times (^when) we are devastated, going to concert to hear Beethoven’s life [Why do we go to the concert to hear Beethoven’s life? 不是应该去听他的作品么?:rolleyes: ] and immersing ourselves in the passionate melody can instill us the power to defeat the difficulties and make us regain the confidence. [这句语法上有点问题.可以把第一个逗号改成分号.或者你愿意重新写也可以.]

What’s more, music gives people more opportunities to be famous. Various music awards are held during every year. Grammy, BBC’s music awards are very famous and give rise to a lot of talented singers to be known [give rise to用的很棒 ;d: ].Grammy award is my favorite music award, which is like the (→a) yearly feast. From [→thanks/due to] this award, I get to know the famous star Beyonce and Carrie Underwood. Their songs are every [typo~~ →very] enjoyable and touching, giving me more sense of musical power [其实也可以给出具体的歌名嘛. :rolleyes: Be specific.].

It goes without saying that music is a way to appreciate [appreciate what? 这里的appreciate后面需要加宾语] and to (可省略) make our life much easier. Had we no music, the world would be filled with nothing but boring [→bore.这里应该用noun, nothing but在这里作为一个整体是做宾语的].  It is the music that makes our world vibrant and energetic.

通读完一遍以后,这篇文章给我的第一印象很好.结构完整.语言虽然平实但是十分流畅,几乎没有出现表义不明,体现了作者有扎实的英语基本功.文章有理有据,不显得空洞.
想进一步提高的话, 我的建议是, 在保留原有写作风格的基础上, 适当的增添一些fancy words, 可以让文章看上去更加书面化和正式, 但是一定要保证用的恰当.如若有空,还可以把平时阅读时遇到的地道的表达方式积累下来,运用到文章中,你的作文就能更上一层楼.;d:

总之很不错的文章.要我给分的话,在fair-good之间.

PS,写完以后记得检查语法和typo;d: