第一篇现时作文，大家帮忙改改啊，下周就考了。

tenchuUID: 2375517

Topic : Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? One should begin a project
after finish another project.

Project, as a common part of our daily life, provokes general discussion in many
institutes and organizations.  One of the questions under debate is whether we
should  begin a project after finish another project. From my part, I am opposed
to this statement for the following reasons.

For sure, there would be some people who argue that it is better for us to start a
project after accomplish another one. They believe that our energy would be
dispersed if we do some projects simultaneously. In this way, they maintain that,
it is almost impossible for us to fulfill any project.

Even though their opinion is reasonable to some extent, it is hard for me to agree
with them. They neglect the basic fact that other tasks may help us obtain
inspiration about the main task that we are doing. To illustrate, last year, I as
well as another two friends took part in an electron competition which requires us
to design a practical circuit that can achieve the goal of magnifying the input
volts. Meanwhile, I attended the courses of marketing for double major.
Fortunately, the knowledge that I acquired from marketing courses gave me a great
help on my competition. Hence, it is too hasty for us to simply say that it is
better to begin  a project after finish another.

In the second place, it is boring to do the same project for a long time.
pursueing fresh experience, as the nature of human beings, influences our
willingness to further this project, especially after a long time without an
expected result. In this condition, it is appropriate for us to try something
different and new. This would provide us an opportunity to contact with something
that may satisfy our curiosity and influx some new blood.

To sum up, from what has been discussed above, even though doing one task at a
time can make us better concentrate our energy and time on it, the advantages of
starting a peoject before finishing the former one far outweigh its disdavantages.
So, in the long run, it is sagacious to begin a project before complete another
one.

Word Count:356

[ 本帖最后由 hyacinth 于 2008-4-26 15:12 编辑 ]

hyacinthUID: 2184492

Project, as a common part of our daily life, provokes general discussion in many institutes and organizations.  One of the questions under debate is whether we should begin a project after finish [→finishing] another project. From my part, I am opposed to this statement for the following reasons.

For sure, there would be some people who argue that it is better for us to start a project after accomplish[→accomplishing] another one. They believe that our energy would be dispersed if we do some projects simultaneously. In this way, they maintain that, it is almost impossible for us to fulfill any project.

Even though their opinion is reasonable to some extent, it is hard for me to agree with them. They neglect the basic fact that other tasks may help us obtain inspiration about the main task that we are doing. To illustrate, last year, I as well as another two friends took part in an electron competition which requires [→required] us to design a practical circuit that can achieve the goal of magnifying the input volts. Meanwhile, I attended the courses of marketing for double major. Fortunately, the knowledge that I acquired from marketing courses gave me a great help on my competition. [marketing和电路的关系不是很明显,如果你这里能简单的介绍下marketing课程里的什么东西给了你启发,可能会更persuasive] Hence, it is too hasty for us to simply say that it is better to begin  a project after finish[→finishing] another.

In the second place, it is boring to do the same project for a long time. pursueing [→Pursuing] fresh experience, as the nature of human beings, influences our willingness to further this project, especially after a long time without an expected result. In this condition, it is appropriate for us to try something different and new. This would provide us an opportunity to contact with something that may satisfy our curiosity and influx some new blood. [这段有点空.没有什么实质性的例子.]

To sum up, from what has been discussed above, even though doing one task at a time can make us better concentrate our energy and time on it, the advantages of starting a peoject [→project] before finishing the former one far outweigh its disadvantages [→disadvantages]. So, in the long run, it is sagacious to begi`n a project before complete [→completing. 介词后面的动词要用ing形式. 这种错误在你这篇文章里出现了3,4次] another one. [结尾有点仓促,几乎是在套模板了,出现了几个typo.呵呵.这倒的确是个应付时间不够用的办法,不过如果随着练习把速度提上来了,时间也很充分,尽量还是用自己的句子.]

总体来说,文章的思路很顺畅.表达和选词也都不错.

留意到你说这是你的第一篇限时作文,可能在时间把握上会拿捏不好.这个多练习几篇就没问题.不过个人觉得时间来不及的情况下,最好也能保证两个分论点都有论据支持.你这一篇文章,第二个段子应该是所谓的让步段了吧.个人觉得让步段只是对文章的主要论点起补充说明作用的,它不是文章的重点. 如果不写这个段子,你第二个分论点就能有充分的时间展开和举例子.而实际上,即使缺了这个让步段也并不影响你文章的结构完整.一句话,不要本末倒置.

还有十天考试,还是有上升空间的. 祝考出好成绩.;d: