27分钟原稿+修改稿作文，只有两个理由，行吗？

tenchuUID: 2375517

原稿：
Topic: Agree or disagree with the following statement: it is more important to award students for effort (trying or hard working) than for achievement (good grades)

Grade, as one of the most important aspects which is used to reflect the ability of students to a certain extent, provokes general discussion among many schools. One of the questions under debate is whether it is more crucial to award students for effort than for achievement. As for me, awarding by endeavor is better than that by accomplishment. Here follow potent supports.

To begin with, the capability among different students has great differences. It is widely held that our intelligence has much relation with our objective aspects such as parents' intelligence, family environment, etc. So when we are born, we are doomed to be different in intelligence. In this condition, even though some not so smart students try their best to do well in their study, they just are able to complete it at this degree. It is almost impossible to require them to do better. However, are these students not qualified for prizes because their limited ability? Maybe, it is a little hasty to not praise them.

Further more, it is not rare for us to find a multitude of students cheat in the examnination. Why could this happen? Does this have something with the desire of a better grade in order to get the award which is admired by almost everyone of us? Pursuing honor is the nature of our human beings. It is not our fault. We just want to be praised and recognized by others. Nevertheless, the system of awarding by achievement would just cultivate and encourage this kind of psychology. For example, last year, there are several classmates of mine to cheat in the final examintion which is related to their medols and scholorships. On the other hand, if there is a effort-orient scheme, this phonomena may be avoided.

To sum up, in view of the problems and disadvantages that the awarding good grades, it is more sagacious to pratice the awarding students for effort. On this occasion, many unexpected problems like above can be solved sucessfully.

Word Count: 359

修改后：
Topic: Agree or disagree with the following statement: it is more important to
award students for effort (trying or hard working) than for achievement (good
grades).

Grade, as one of the most important aspects which is used to reflect the ability
of students to a certain extent, provokes general discussion among many schools. One of the questions under debate is whether it is more crucial to award students for effort than for achievement. As for me, awarding by endeavor is better than that by accomplishment. Here follow potent supports.

To begin with, the capability among different students has great differences. It
is widely held that our intelligence has much relation with our objective situations such as parents' intellect,and family environment, etc. So when we are born, we are doomed to be dissimilar in wit. In this condition, even though some not so smart students try their best to do well in their study, they are just able to complete it to this height. It is almost impossible to require them to do any better. However, are these students not qualified for prizes because their limited capacity? Maybe, it is a little unreasonable to not award them. What’s more, if their endeavor is not awarded by others, they may not keep studying hard and even give up themselves for whatever they do they just cannot be competitive in the study.

Further more, it is not rare for us to find a multitude of students cheat in the
examination. Why could this happen? Does this have something to do with the desire of a better grade in order to get the award which is admired by nearly everyone of us? Pursuing honor is the basic nature of our human beings. It is not our fault. We just want to be praised and recognized by others, especially our teachers who usually do not detect this trick. Unfortunately, the system of awarding according to achievement would just cultivate and encourage this kind of mentality and behavior. For example, last year, there are several classmates of mine to cheat in the final examination which is related to medals and scholarships. On the other hand, if there is an effort-orient scheme, this phenomena may be avoided.

To sum up, in view of the problems and disadvantages that awarding good grades bring about, it is more sagacious to implement system of awarding students in terms of effort. On this occasion, many unexpected problems like above ones can be solved successfully.

Word Count: 387

hyacinthUID: 2184492

要我说,只有两个理由完全够用了, 但是你必须做到有理有据.

什么是论据,你在第三段里所提到的你的同学在考试里cheat就是论据.
议论文是需要有detail支持的.因为空话谁都会讲.:o

拿第二段来说吧,你想说efforts重要,因为人和人的资质能力不一样. 要我说,这个实例就太好举了. 就拿考T来说(当然在考场上真遇到了这个题目,你可以换成别的考试嘛): 有的人脱产准备考试,准备了一个月,每天练习听抄N小时,才勉强考了80;有的人一个星期前才知道考试题型,最后却考了个100+.  好, 写到这里detail给出来了,铺垫也设好了, 再开始写, 难道这些考80多分的考生就不值得尊重和奖励吗,虽然分数不会特别高,但是在准备T的过程中他们学到了很多东西,提高了自己的英语水平,他们成绩的背后,每一分都包含了他们的付出和努力,blah blah blah. (虽然例子有点俗,但是你要知道T的作文评分细则里有一点可是专门提到了文章是否well developed和 有无appropriate explanations或者details的.因为这样的文章才是有血有肉的.)

其实我记得你第一篇文章写的挺好的呀,detail给的很足,怎么这两篇练习的反而不如最初的文章了呢?
是不是临近考试太紧张了?:rolleyes:

RELAX,MAN~~ 越是临考前,弦越不能绷得太紧. :)
GOOD LUCK~~;d:

[ 本帖最后由 hyacinth 于 2008-4-28 20:41 编辑 ]

hyacinthUID: 2184492

至于你说的打字不快,恩,倒是也挺郁闷的
我个人感觉啊,英文打字的节奏和拼音不一样,趁考试前每天抽点时间再培养培养节奏感,多练习练习. 考iBT打字不快还是挺吃亏的.

加油! ;)

tenchuUID: 2375517

因为第一篇没有限制时间啊，写了一个多小时啊，另外也的确是有感而发，因为我就是个弗洛伊德迷。而限时作文没怎么练习。而且我不太善于举例子。有的时候写的很??拢?械氖焙蚓倭死?硬恢?涝趺词瘴玻?恢?涝趺赐?鄣闵峡俊Ｋ?砸话阒灰?质?畈欢啵?揖筒痪倮?印Ｊ遣皇腔故堑镁倮?影。

yq_112397UID: 2286548

只要写充分,够350字,两个理由也可以.
但尽量还是写三个吧. 两个比较难写上350.
另外,分正反论述对你语言能力要求教高,从这方面讲,两点比三点难写很多,三点就纯粹陈述FACTS和理由,不需要ARGUEMENT. 二点就要了...

hyacinthUID: 2184492

A 5 essay largely accomplishes all of the following:
1.effectively addresses the topic and task
2.is well organized and well developed, using clearly appropriate expanations, exemplifications, and/or details
3.displays unity,progression, and coherence
4.displays consistent facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety, appropriate word choice, and idiomaticity, though it may have minor lexical or grammatical errors

如果你不举例子,第2条的分数你基本上拿不到. 你举了例子,但是不知道怎么往论点上靠,起码可以得一点分.

tenchuUID: 2375517

谢谢大家指教，真是头疼的作文啊！