马上就要考了 作文第一次发帖 大家来帮我改改吧

bmj66UID: 2508200

Do you agree or disagree: observing or studying animals can help us understand human nature?

Currently，the controversial issue, whether we should have a deep understanding of human nature through observing or studying animals’ behaviors urges great attention from both public and individuals. From personal rather than theoretical perspective, I hold the idea that it is not accurate to know the nature of human beings by comparing with animals.

It may be partially true, however, I tend to think that it is inaccurate for us to study animals’ nature in order to know that of human. The first reason is that some people may have already been influenced unconsciously by money and power and gradually lost their nature due to the complex society which is fraught with allure and violence. On the contrary, animals live in the forest all the year round surrounding with pure environment without being defiled by the dirty money and desire. Actually, our society indirectly increases our desire to make the maximum benefits by any means, get promotion without thinking others. These aspects should be totally ignored when comparing these two natures.

Second, people use modern facilities and develop new technologies which affect their temper and behaviors, moreover, the concepts of right or wrong, beauty or ugliness，and good or evil have been changed after they watch the violence movie and use the newly machine. These can divert their attitude towards the whole world. Nevertheless, these modern media and technology have few or even to say none impact on these animals

However, it should be admitted that the ancestor of human and animals is the same which results in the similar genes passing from generation to generation. For example, most of the female animals take care of the young until they become mature which is the same as human beings; also animals have the characteristic of cooperation with others to defend different categories of animals. All these instinct behaviors lead some of the scientists to think the comparable nature between animals and human

All in all, although there are some points advocating the similar nature between animals and humans, after weighing pros and cons, I tend to think that many aspects have altered people's behaviors which are relatively imprecise for us to compare these two natures.

bmj66UID: 2508200

字号咋这样:funk:

lintelleUID: 2297267

Do you agree or disagree: observing or studying animals can help us understand human nature?

Currently，the controversial issue, whether we should have（will gain，原句误导） a deep understanding of human nature through observing or studying animals’ behaviors urges great attention from both public and individuals. From personal rather than theoretical perspective, I hold the idea that it is not accurate（第一，语境不对，这个问题就像分清人的好坏一样，是不应该有确切答案的。第二，这个单词你用的次数很多。） to know the nature of human beings by comparing with animals.

It may be partially true, however, I tend to think that it is inaccurate for us to study animals’ nature in order to know that of human. The first reason is that some people may have already been influenced unconsciously by money and power and gradually lost their nature due to the complex society which is fraught with allure and violence. On the contrary, animals live in the forest all the year round surrounding with pure environment without being defiled by the dirty money and desire.（如果是我在写作文，我会比较小心对金钱的看法。外国人的教育和我们不一样，对human nature的定义也不一样。） Actually, our society indirectly increases our desire to make the maximum benefits by any means, get promotion without thinking others. These aspects should（个人觉得这里用shouldn't 比较合理） be totally ignored when comparing these two natures.

Second, people use modern facilities and develop new technologies which affect their temper and behaviors, moreover, the concepts of right or wrong, beauty or ugliness，and good or evil have been changed after they watch the violence movie and use the newly machine. These can divert their attitude towards the whole world. Nevertheless, these modern media and technology have few or even to say none impact on these animals（so you are saying that culture and adventures in science have an enormous impact on human nature. once again, remember that westerners have a very different view of human nature than Chinese ）

However, it should be admitted that the ancestor of human and animals is the same which results in the similar genes passing from generation to generation. For example, most of the female animals take care of the young until they become mature which is the same as human beings; also animals have the characteristic of cooperation with others to defend different categories of animals. All these instinct behaviors lead some of the scientists to think the comparable nature between animals and human

All in all, although there are some points advocating the similar nature between animals and humans, after weighing pros and cons考试中不要简写, I tend to think that many aspects have altered people's behaviors which are relatively imprecise for us to compare these two natures.

结构很好，语言比较少出错，也很好。语感很好。

立场观点方面，因为专业原因，我不赞成。但是这个问题比较抽象，本身就很难在30分钟内建立完美的立场体系并组织出一篇结构完整的论文，如果能在考场上写成这样，已经非常非常好了。托福考试的目的是检测写专业论文的能力，不是专业能力，所以如果让我来打分，这是篇4分文。

请保持状态。考试好运。

bmj66UID: 2508200

啊 太谢谢了！！！！ :loveliness:

bmj66UID: 2508200

a 太谢谢了:loveliness: