argument53【7\8\9\10】第三次作业 哈哈希望大家狠拍哈

1001storyUID: 2516918

OPIC: ARGUMENT53 - Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
WORDS:500      
The argument is well-presented, but it fails to support the claim that the increase of the melatonin level before birth is the cause of the shyness during infancy and even the later teenage life by an untenable study. Careful examination of these evidence, however, reveals that it rests on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions and lends little cerdible supportion.


  First of all, the research appears to suffer from a statistcal problem, which renders the research's result unreliable. The speaker relies on only tweenty five infants in a study, which are too few to provide a validate study. Yet the speaker draws a broad assertion for all people from this unsufficient number of the participants who may not be randomly selected from a wider spectrum. Moreover, the author's conclusion depends on an assumed premise that the level of melatonin will affect the shyness of the infants,  just based on the factor that it can affect some brain functions infered in this argument. But the author dose not provide more adequate evidence to prove these functions are related the shyness of infants and not the other brain function such as memory. Perhaps the melatonin can only affect the brain functions of their mothers. Without putting forward other justfiable evidence to rule out these speculations, the author can not conclude the result by a series of uncredible evidence.

Secondly, assuming one of the research’s results that these infants are shy in their later life is true and the melatonin do have some connections with the brain function of these samples, the argument may not hastily consider the melation is an important cause for the infants shyness and belive it necessarily result in shyness in their later life. But there is a myriad of other factors, including the parents' influences and the depression from the enviroment during their growth, may cause the shyness of people in this research. If the arguer can not exclude these factors, it is not necessary to attribute the result to the increased level of  melatonin.

Finally, a threshold problem involves the defintion of shyness, the author fails to define this critical term and define the mild distress to the shy. The milld distress may be irrelevant to the shy, and just a reflection of the physical inappropriation to the unfamiliar stimulis, such as an unusal odor or an unkonwn voice from a tape. In a short, without a clear definition of shyness, it is impossible to access the strength of the last conclusion .

To sum up, the author fails to strengthen his claim, because the evidence cited in this argument does not offer strong support to what the arguer maintains. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer would have to demonstrate a more clear connetion between the melatonin and the shyness of the infants when they in their mothers’ pregnant periods. In adittion, if more valid research can be implemented in the reason of the shyness of the people, the conclusion could be more thoroghly and logically acceptable.

越来越不会写了！:funk:



[ 本帖最后由 1001story 于 2008-7-23 22:47 编辑 ]

DemiquaverUID: 203651

个人拙见：

文中的几个逻辑错误比较清晰地表达在文中了，反驳也比较到位。但是有个问题不容忽视啊，拼写错误不少，有的应该是打错了，要注意一下。我用绿色标出了拼写错误的单词。

The argument is well-presented, but it fails to support the claim that the increase of the melatonin level before birth is the cause of the shyness during infancy and even the later teenage life by an untenable study. Careful examination of these evidence, however（前一句已经指出有问题了，那么这里就不应该是转折关系了）, reveals that it rests on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions and lends little cerdible supportion.

First of all, the research appears to suffer from a statistcal problem, which renders the research's result unreliable. The speaker relies on only tweenty five infants in a study, which are too few to provide a validate study. Yet the speaker draws a broad assertion for all people from this unsufficient number of the participants who may not be randomly selected from a wider spectrum. Moreover, the author's conclusion depends on an assumed premise that the level of melatonin will affect the shyness of the infants,  just based on the factor that it can affect some brain functions infered in this argument. But the author dose not provide more adequate evidence to prove these functions are related the shyness of infants and not the other brain function such as memory.（感觉这里应该有个过渡词，否则显得很突然） Perhaps the melatonin can only affect the brain functions of their mothers. Without putting forward other justfiable evidence to rule out these speculations, the author can not conclude the result by a series of uncredible evidence.

Secondly, assuming one of the research’s results that these infants are shy in their later life is true and the melatonin do have some connections with the brain function of these samples, the argument may not hastily consider the melation is an important cause for the infants shyness and belive it necessarily result in shyness in their later life（这句和本段开头相同颜色的那句不是矛盾了吗？在同一段里，先假设成立，还没经过论证，又说不成立。逻辑上好像有点问题吧。）. But（前后没有看出有转折关系） there is a myriad of other factors, including the parents' influences and the depression from the enviroment during their growth, may cause the shyness of people in this research. If the arguer can not exclude these factors, it is not necessary to attribute the result to the increased level of  melatonin.

Finally, a threshold problem involves the defintion of shyness, the author fails to define this critical term and define the mild distress to the shy（？？？没看懂）. The milld distress may be irrelevant to the shy, and just a reflection of the physical inappropriation to the unfamiliar stimulis, such as an unusal odor or an unkonwn voice from a tape. In a short, without a clear definition of shyness, it is impossible to access the strength of the last conclusion . （我觉得对定义不清的错误应该放在第一个层面，因为这是个大前提。参照北美，都是在一开始就对定义表示怀疑）

To sum up, the author fails to strengthen his claim, because the evidence cited in this argument does not offer strong support to what the arguer maintains. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer would have to demonstrate a more clear connetion between the melatonin and the shyness of the infants when they in their mothers’ pregnant periods（fetus？）. In adittion, if more valid research can be implemented in the reason of the shyness of the people, the conclusion could be more thoroghly and logically acceptable.

1001storyUID: 2516918

我每次写完，没有在WORD里修改过，所以拼写错误很多:funk:
哈哈，我没看过北美，只是看了ETS的范文，那个定义不清的错误一定要放在第一个层面吗？:loveliness:

DemiquaverUID: 203651

也不绝对啦，分情况。

如果是前提性的定义，即全文就是围绕这个事物在说的，当然应该放在第一个层面。看看北美的Argu 167。这篇这个shyness的定义位置倒是很模糊，好像都可以。;)