argument127 [冲刺小组] 第二次作业

lishuang0313UID: 2216736

#6
Argument127
The argument fails due to several logic flaws in logic. First, the writer makes a weak assumption that employees’ work ethic will be advanced by decreasing wasting time from workstation. What’s more, there is one fallacious cause-and-effect relationship supported in the argument by neglecting that other possible activities can also impact the wasting of office hours.

First of all, the arguer makes an arbitrary assumption that by installing software to monitor employee’s Internet use on company computers, wasting work-time should be reduced. However, ignoring the possibility that employees may do personal or recreational activities in work hours by other approaches. Perhaps some workers like to take a nap in work time. Perhaps some employees always chat or give someone a long ring in office hours. Therefore, maybe without using internet, the employees will waste more time to do their personal or recreational activities through other ways.

Second, the author unreliable presumes that the employee’s work ethic will be enhanced by preventing them from wasting time. Nevertheless, the argument not only presents no information about the current status of work ethic, but also does not indicate that whether the personal or recreational activities influence work ethic in actually. Perhaps, it is not necessary for workers to foster a better work ethic because they have reached the best condition on work attitude. Or, when their work is not busy, little personal and recreational activities do not affect employees to finish their work efficiently and perfectly. What’s more, if this method is put into practices by the company, the employees may feel dissatisfied or even offended. Thus, their enthusiasm on work might decrease, even eliminate.

In addition, the conclusion that the company’s whole profits will be improved by installing monitoring software calls us into question. On one hand, there is no information or statistics about the software. Accordingly, we do not know whether the installing of this software will affect the running of the company’s computers. Neither does the cost of the software provide in this argument. Therefore, if the speed of operating computers is dramatically reduced after installing the software, and the cost is considerably expensive, the company can not promise that the overall profits will be enhanced. On the other hand, with regard to making profits, a series of factors should be taken into consideration. The cost and sales of the productions, the competition pressure of the market are also indispensable conditions on making profits. So, the author can not presumptuously conclude that the better work ethic at Climpson will increase the whole gains.

To strengthen the argument and conclusion, the writer should present more specific and reliable information and statistics about the monitoring software, and give some appropriate evidences about current work ethic of workers to support these assumptions

MryanUID: 2281579

The argument fails due to several logic flaws in logic. First, the writer makes a weak assumption that employees’ work ethic will be advanced by decreasing wasting time（减少浪费时间？不太好的用法，应该用减少私人时间，或者娱乐时间更好些吧，看看Argument的题干） from workstation（这个词用个我感觉有待商榷，因为感觉不常用）. What’s more, there is one fallacious cause-and-effect relationship supported in the argument by neglecting that other possible activities can also impact the wasting of office hours.（我觉得不该上去就说有问题，有哪些问题吧，应该吧大致的概括陈述下巴？比如，作者要做出什么样的选择，他这样做的目的是什么，然后他给出了一些东西证明，但是他的证明有问题）

First of all, the arguer makes an arbitrary assumption that by（不该有by的吧？） installing software to monitor（这句有问题，monitor就是那个软件，应该to他和computer） employee’s Internet use on company computers, wasting work-time should（will，会减少，不是应该减少） be reduced（浪费时间的这件事永远都该被禁止而不是减少，减少的用于占用公共事件搞私人的事情对吧？）. However, ignoring the possibility that employees may do personal or recreational activities in work hours by（through） other approaches. （感觉可以用：）Perhaps some workers like to take a nap in work time. （逗号就行了吧，而且perhaps用得有点多了吧？）Perhaps some employees always chat or give someone a long ring in office hours. Therefore, maybe without using internet, the employees will waste more time to do their personal or recreational activities through other ways.（出发点不错，但是句中表达感觉不够好）

Second, the author unreliable presumes that the employee’s work ethic will be enhanced by preventing them from wasting time. Nevertheless, the argument not only presents no information about the current status of work ethic, but also does not indicate that whether the personal or recreational activities influence（不是影响改变，应该是触及吧？） work ethic in actually. Perhaps, it is not necessary for workers to foster a better work ethic because they have reached the best condition on work attitude. Or,（过渡词用得不太好） when their work is not busy, little（修饰activities的应该用few吧？） personal and recreational activities do not affect employees to finish their work efficiently and perfectly. What’s more, if this method is put into practices（put into practice） by the company, the employees may feel dissatisfied or even offended. Thus, their enthusiasm on work might decrease, even eliminate（是否应该用被动？）.

In addition, the conclusion that the company’s whole profits will be improved by installing monitoring software calls us into question. On one hand, there is no information or statistics about the software. Accordingly, we do not know whether the installing of this software will affect the running of the company’s computers. Neither does the cost of the software provide in this argument. Therefore, if the speed of operating computers is dramatically reduced after installing the software, and the cost is considerably expensive（high？ 商品用贵贱形容，价格要用高低形容）, the company can not promise that the overall profits will be enhanced. On the other hand, with regard to making profits, a series of factors should be taken into consideration. The cost and sales of the productions, the competition pressure（名词修饰名词？） of the market are also indispensable conditions on making profits. So, the author can not presumptuously conclude that the better work ethic at Climpson will increase the whole gains.（感觉这段的出发点是不错的）

To strengthen the argument and conclusion, the writer should present more specific and reliable information and statistics about the monitoring software, and give some appropriate evidences about current work ethic of workers to support these assumptions

按照你的思路，提纲如下：
1 作者论述有问题
2 作者武断假设安装监视器，浪费时间应该被减少。忽视了浪费公共事件的其他方式：打盹，聊天，打电话，没有网络，大家可能会用其他的方式浪费时间
3 没有根据的假设员工的职业道德会被加强自从避免他们浪费时间，然而，既没有给出现行的职业道德，而且没有给出他们的行为是否影响到职业道德，培养更好的职业道德不必要，因为他们的工作态度已经最好了，工作不忙了，短时的娱乐是可以的。谈到影响心情的问题
4 装了监控器就能增加利润有问题。一方面，对软件的未知，可能影响到计算机的运行速度；另一方面，利润跟很多因素有关
5 最好再详细点

感觉语法问题不少

binzhixinhuiUID: 2399721

看到了，学到了……