COMEON-----作文小组9.9---by candicehe

candiceheUID: 2543359

9月9日
那个更好，serious movie 还是 amusing movie？（2007.3.23 ）

Films could be divided into two major types, serious film and amusing film. Amusing film, as far as I am concerned, is more likely to meet people’s need in modern society. It is suitable for people almost at all ages to enjoy as discussed below.

To begin with, amusing film will bring a sense of relaxation to the young people who is under great pressure such as the high school students and the working people in certain industry. This is especially true for the people who work in the information field. It is widely known that  IT is a fast developing industry in which people have to work all day staring at the screen of the computer as well as make every minute count to study new related technology so that they can keep their knowledge updated. That means they highly intensified during the day time and therefore always have a feeling of exhaust after work. At this time, an amusing film will function as a regulator by bringing humor and leisure for these people. They can really relax themselves by laughing or even jumped from the seat. It also works well for school students who have heavy studying tasks. They will undoubtedly choose the amusing film rather than a serious one to make themselves relieved from anxiety and worries of everyday study or the exams.

Furthermore, amusing film is also welcomed by the older people for its function of bringing good mood and positive attitude for them. Older people especially the single ones may always have a feeling of lonely and useless. Films like serious ones which always reflect the negative aspect of the society will worsen their gloomy feeling. On the contrary, amusing film will bring them a sense of hope and brightness which are always the key factors of older people’s health. (自我感觉这句话表达的有问题)

Some may argue that, amusing films always make no sense but laugh. I doubt this judgment by holding the opinion that, actually most of these amusing films contains profound meaning behind its superficial humorous appearance of its character.  People could just feel free to choose to whether to pay atention to the details which indicate certain meanings or not while watching them. (感觉这一句话意犹未尽，但也不知道该加点什么修饰好了，请 拍者帮忙)

In sum, consider all the factors discussed above, I favor the amusing film from the perspective of fulfilling people’s needs at all ages. Maybe just one hour spent everyday for watching amusing films, the effect is significant that people could have a good mood  to enjoy every day.

作文写多了，就感觉都是那么几句话来回说，一点都感觉不到进步亚，怎么办呀！

[ 本帖最后由 candicehe 于 2008-9-10 13:26 编辑 ]

kathyfei2007UID: 2436983

Films could（can) be divided into two major types, serious film and amusing film. (The)Amusing film, as far as I am concerned, is more likely to meet people’s needs in modern society. It is suitable for people almost at all ages to enjoy(it) as discussed below.
签证|TOEFL|GRE`)G:n/?*l;@
To begin with, amusing film will bring a sense of relaxation to the young people who is(are) under great pressure such as the high school students and the working people in(some) certain industry. This is especially true for the people who work in the information field. It is widely known that  IT is a fast developing industry in which people have to work all day staring at the screen of the computer as well as make (making) every minute count(counted) to study new related technology (latest available technology ）so that they can keep their knowledge updated. That means (that)they（are) highly intensified 不太恰当during the day time and therefore always have a feeling of exhaust (feel exhausted) after work.(是否可以把描写IT业为何会压力大的部分简略写一下，有些喧宾夺主） At this time, an amusing film will function（缺少谓语） as a regulator by bringing humor and leisure for these people. They can really relax themselves by laughing or even jumped from the seat. It also works well for school students who have heavy studying tasks. They will undoubtedly choose the amusing film rather than a serious one to make themselves relieved from anxiety and worries of everyday study or the exams.寄托家园};pP!C1^        B;y
留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA$[%Ab7M4ydH'{
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Furthermore, amusing films is (are)also welcomed by the older people for its function of bringing good mood and positive attitude for them. Older people especially the single ones may always have a feeling of lonely( loneliness)and useless. Films like serious ones which always reflect the negative aspect of the society will worsen their gloomy feeling. On the contrary, amusing films will bring them a sense of hope and brightness which are always the key factors of older people’s health. (我会这样写：On the contrary, amusing films are very helpful for the older people to keep a good health as they can bring people hope and brighteness)（ 这段的论述如果再展开一些就好了，可以举例说明某部喜剧带给人们怎样的希望）
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Some may argue that, amusing films always make no sense but laugh. I doubt this judgment by holding the opinion that, actually most of these amusing films contains (contain）profound meaning behind its (their)superficial humorous appearance of its( their)character.  People could just feel free to choose to(can choose ) whether to pay atention to the details which indicate certain meanings or not( freely)while watching them.(我认为这句不需要再加修饰成分了。因为已经从句套从句了，再加就太繁琐了）
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In sum, (to sum up)consider(considering) all the factors discussed above, I favor the amusing film from the perspective of fulfilling people’s needs at all ages. Maybe just one hour spent everyday for watching amusing films, the effect is significant that people could have a good mood  to enjoy every day.
我认为楼主的文章观点明确，结构清晰，但是论证欠缺完善。建议适当举一些例子证明一下自己的观点。
楼主应该在网上或是生活中积累一些常用话题的例子，注意尽量避免一些小的语法错误，如主谓一致，名词单复数，时态问题，相信你的作文会有所提高，加油！

[ 本帖最后由 kathyfei2007 于 2008-9-11 14:15 编辑 ]