第一次限时作文

a1snoopyUID: 2511505

第一次写，大家帮我看看主要有哪些方面需要提高。谢谢！
剑桥-6 test 4 task 2,
Some people prefer to spend  their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


For many years now, there have been two opposite view about change. Many people who like to do the same things  throughout their life states that change is not a good thing. Contratry to the opinion of those people is my heartfelt agreement with the idea that change make our life wonderful.

To start with, change means progress in the most of time. It is change that have made human beings develop from primitive savage to the modern civilize society. Thanks to change, our life are more and more colorful. It is not imaginable that we live in a time without electricity, TV, computers. Modern science and technology have changed our life, which is obviously a great progress. In another word, the progress of our society has brought us convenient and wonderful life.

Secondly,change always brings about opportunity for people. When a factory was built up in a town, it provides a number of job positions for the citizens; When people move to another city, they have an opportunity to know more friends.

Lastly, avoiding change may cause us unexpected trouble. As we all know, Change is nature of world. It may cause difficulty in communication when parents treat their children as little boy  or girl, ignoring the change of kids.  People avoid change because they are accustomed to what they  was. In addition, they prefer to live in a quite life without disturbance. But the changing circumtance will not allow those stay still.

As we discussed above, change make life convenient and coloful, as well as opportunity, so we should never avoid change but consider it as opportunities. All we have to do is to change ourselves and get used to change. Then the result would be that we will  live a successful life.

67169619UID: 2320695

:loveliness: 帮顶   
还有，看版主改作文

饱饭仔UID: 2505959

呀,我的错...没看到这个贴...楼主原谅哈
楼主开头想用介绍+争论的形式开头.这样的开头可以模板化的,可以做得漂亮的,比如,There is an ongoing and heated uproar concerning TOPIC....如果,楼主定下用这种形式开头的话,就参照下范文,换词改句,做漂亮
至于你的主体三段...我想说的是...很空洞,逻辑不够清晰.拿你的P2来说,S1,直切主题,很好.S2,CHANGE的好处,也没问题.S3,感谢CHANGE,问题来了!!!你都没具体说CHANGE好处的表现,就感谢,很唐突.你可以在之后插1-2句话,例如,specifically,..... Besides,....; Therefore,感谢感谢.而在中间具体说的时候如果还能插入例子就更好了,文章也长了,内容也详实了,逻辑也清晰了
结尾就改写好前面的论点就OK了,如果想写得有心意一点就参考ISSUE的结尾形式,例如,WITHOUT STH, XXXXX WILL ENSUE, ACCORDINGLY, HUMAN BEING SHOULD 展望未来+提出希望.

a1snoopyUID: 2511505

多谢多谢
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