COMEON作文小组9.25作业－yangkeli22

yangkeli22UID: 2360405

Successful people take new things and take risks rather than the thing that they've done well.(2007.3.27)

There are times when people search in the arduous journey trying to find ways to solve such a problem that which route leads successful people to success? A fair portion of people believe that taking new things and taking risks answer the question while others hold the opposite stand point that the things successful people have done well contribute to themselves. From my personal angle alone, the former statement coincides with mine. The following aspects will contribute to my perspective.

Firstly, in the scientific area, scientists always try new things or take risks to find new things. Take chemistry for instance, centuries witnessed that risks or new things played a significant role in discovery brand-new chemical. In order to increase the flexible of the rubber, one of the scientists try to add another chemical into rubber which, to some extent, change the molecule chain of the former product. The new product immediately pervaded the whole world, for people do not need to worry that the rubber will be fragile in the lower temperature. Because of this, everyone remembered this successful scientist by his innovative spirit.

Secondly, try new things and take risks help business man find ways to increase their sales which make them successful finally. Take the fast-noodles as an example, it origins from Japan but flourished all around the world. How did it be so popular? Just because of the inventor's creative thoughts. The creator saw the people always need to took food in the road to solve their hungry, but they could not take cooked food with them for fear of spoiled. Then the Japanese tried a new way to manipulate the cooked noodles which easily to keep and easily to taste. The new inventive noodles were a kind of revolutionary in food area and the inventor became successful business man hinge on his new ideas.

Based on the emphatic reasons I mentioned above, I can safely draw a conclusion that successful people take new things and take risks rather than the thing they have done well.
第三段的例子纯属瞎编，编的还不好，不丰满，请大家多多批评！！！

梦想在望2008UID: 2546295

There are times when people search in the arduous journey trying to find ways to solve such a problem that which route leads successful people to success? (我认为句子有些冗繁，没有必要用这么长的句子。时候可以说“There are times when people try to find the way to success.”还可以往里面添些东西)A fair portion of people believe that taking new things and taking risks answer the question while others hold the opposite stand point that the things successful people have done well contribute to themselves.（things contribute to themselves?我认为主语不对。应该是“doing what they have done well”） From my personal angle alone, the former statement coincides with mine. The following aspects will contribute to(建议最好换个谓语！这句话可以说“The following reasons can illustrate my perspective”或者用被动句型) my perspective.

Firstly, in the scientific area（field替换area）, scientists always try new things or take risks to find new things. Take chemistry for instance, centuries witnessed that (添个单词“taking”)risks or new things played a significant role in discovery brand-new chemical(添个“material”). In order to increase the flexible（flexibility） of the rubber, one of the scientists try（tried） to add another chemical（material） into rubber which(去掉which), to some extent, change the molecule chain of the former product.(这句话改为by this way/method, rubber change the structure of molecule chain.). The new product immediately pervaded the whole world, for people do not need to worry that the rubber will be fragile in the lower temperature. Because of this, everyone remembered this successful scientist by (with) his innovative spirit.

Secondly, try (trying) new things and take (taking) risks help business man find ways to increase their sales which make them successful finally. Take the fast-noodles (instant noodle) as an example, it origins from Japan but flourished all around the world. How did it be (become) so popular? (It is)Just because of the inventor's creative thoughts（thought）. The creator（inventor） saw(observed that) the people(people) always need to took food in the road to solve their hungry,(可以说为了节省时间和方便) but they could not take cooked food with them for fear of spoiled.（总觉得可以不这么说） Then the Japanese（He） tried a new way to manipulate the cooked noodles which easily to keep and easily to taste(which easily to keep and easily to taste可以改为“stored and eaten easily”). The new inventive noodles were a kind of revolutionary in food area and the inventor became successful business man hinge on his new ideas.(This creative noodle brought about a revolution in food field)

Based on the emphatic reasons I mentioned above, I can safely draw a conclusion that successful people take new things and take risks rather than the thing they have done well.总体感觉：二三段的例子倒是很好的，但是它们的首句没有给人以有支撑力的理由。

yangkeli22UID: 2360405

非常感谢你的仔细修改和提出的中肯建议，我会认真改正的，谢谢！