作文球拍

lilacgardenUID: 2556494

再过20几天就考试了。我的英语底子差，对于这个月底的考试来说简直是赶鸭子上架，作文憋了半天实在不知道挤出点什么才好，一拖再拖，总归是要写的，我硬着头皮终于憋出一篇来了，花了2个多小时，用字典查单词了，很多句子还套模板了，我只能这样开始了，见笑了。大家帮我看看吧，使劲拍。
是不是所有专业的学生都要学习历史
      There is a controversial issue about weather should university students who are not history major be required to take history course. Contrary to the opinion of many people is my heartfelt agreement with the idea that students should study history even they are not part of the field of history.
      An increasing number of experts believe that taking history class will exert positive effects on university students. However, this opinion is questioned by many students who complained that so many credits are required for their own specialties, they have little extra energy to handle history course. The majority of students complaint seem to make sense. However , they ignored the large number of profit bought by history study.
      Firstly, studying history contributes directly to enhance reading ability. Students need to read many literature to earn good scores in history. Reading ability which includes reading pace, ability of organization, reading comprehension is steadily enhanced. It is fairly useful for students who study all other fields. For example, students majored in physics, with the improved reading ability, will capture the point of the literature accurately and efficiently. Then they could spend much more time in experiment.
       Also , studying history could increase people’s knowledge and broaden their horizon. History is a subject which includes a lot of information such as celebrities, important events, different  phrase of the past and different societies in the past. There are many aspects about education of university, not just only the professional curriculum. Thus, taking history course will provide students with more opportunities to broaden perspectives, which may put them in a favorable position in the future job markets.
       Obviously, a good education of history provides an enormous benefit for students. Even though many students point out that they do not have enough time to deal with irrelevant subject such as history. Actually, studying history not only will improve their study efficiency, but also is beneficial for their future. So I get a conclusion that history should be a required course for all of the students in universities.   


[ 本帖最后由 lilacgarden 于 2008-11-5 06:16 编辑 ]

vclskinUID: 2558097

你可以先拍别人的，然后别人自然会拍你的

mpromanusUID: 2565872

There is a controversial issue about weather wether should university students who are not in history major should be required to take a history course. Contrary to the opinion of many people is my heartfelt agreement with the idea that students should study history even they are not part of specialized in the field of history.

An increasing number of experts believe that taking history class will exert positive effects on university students.(我个人很不喜欢这种此地无银的模板写法。托福考的是你的意见，扯些没有可信度的‘专家意见’会显得你对自己的意见没信心) However, this opinion is questioned by many students who complained that so many credits are required for their own specialties, they have little extra energy to handle any additional history course. The Majority of the students' complaints seem to make sense. However , they ignored the large number of huge (或者更fancy的tremendous) profit brought by the study of history study.

Firstly, studying history contributes directly to enhance reading ability. Students need to read many a large amount of literature to earn good scores in history. Reading ability which includes covers reading pace, ability of organization to abstract, and reading comprehension (已经说过是关于reading的ability，后面就不需要马上再重复了。另外，includes一般用在复数的情况中，请注意一下单复数) is steadily enhanced. It Such ability (关联，关联，我改每篇作文都要再三强调的关联 - 不使用适当的linking和使用恰当的linking对逻辑清晰度的影响是巨大巨巨大的) is fairly useful for students who study all other fields. For example, students who majored in physics, with the improved reading ability, (放在这里不顺，整个移到句子的末尾比较好) will be able to capture the point of their literature more accurately and efficiently. Then With that, (又是一个使用意思准确的linking和使用意思不准确的linking的效果差异的例子) they could spend much more time in experiments.

Also, studying history could increase people’s knowledge and broaden their horizon. History is a subject which includes a lot of information such as lives of celebrities (celebrity本身不是information), important events, different  phrases of the past and different societies in the past. There are many aspects about education of in university, not just only the professional curriculums. Thus, taking a history course will provide students with more opportunities to broaden their perspectives, which may put them in a favorable position in the future job markets (为什么结论突然变成眼界宽的人容易找到好工作?眼界宽跟工作好有什么必然联系?例子呢?).

Obviously, a good education of in history provides an enormous benefits for students. Even though many students point out that they do not have enough time to deal with irrelevant subjects such as history (这句话不完整. Even though... 后面呢?). Actually (也是我个人很不喜欢的开句方式. actually最好是用在句子里面而不是阐述句的句首. 它是一个语气较弱的词，用这种词开statement有一种稚气、散漫的感觉), studying history not only will improve their study efficiency, but also is beneficial for their future. So (另外一个不适合用来开statement的弱连，用在句首也是感觉稚气. 尽量用Therefore/Thus/That's why类正式的词) I get the conclusion that history should be a required course for all of the students in universities.

总结：

1. 单复数需要稍微注意一下。

2. 注意逻辑推进时候关联语(linking)的准确使用。以第三段Reading ability...steadily enhanced. It...这里为例子，it指代的是什么，意思上没有疑问，但是这两句之前需要一个很准确的指代作为关联，因为it和它指代的东西之间的距离很大，而且前面一句谈论的是对reading ability的改变，后面一句要谈论的是reading ability的作用，两句的意思之间的距离也很大。那么没有足够准确有力的关联语的话，你不能指望读者靠脑子记住it指的是很久以前他们读到过什么东西。如果it和它指代的东西之间距离很小，比如Reading ability is important. It helps students to... 这种长度的距离，没有明显的意思之间的差距，就不需要关联或者只需要一个语气不强的as. 什么时候该使用什么样的关联，可以写完之后问自己，如果我是读者，没有看过题目来读这篇文章，我能明白这个逻辑是从什么地方来到什么地方去的吗？类似白居易的写诗法。

lilacgardenUID: 2556494

mpromanus,万分感谢啊。一定要将这篇好好消化一下。

lilacgardenUID: 2556494

原帖由 vclskin 于 2008-11-5 10:52 发表
你可以先拍别人的，然后别人自然会拍你的

谢谢，我主要是觉得自己水平太差了，拍都不知道从何拍起，不过以后我会试着去做的。

阿泰UID: 209473

whether

作者为什么要把第一部分分成两段写

白居易？啥意思