马上就要考了，请恩人帮忙狠拍，万分感激！！！

wuxu840217UID：2568019

题目：员工的提拔应该基于表现还是资历？

Different companies choose different ways to judge whether or not a employee is qualified for a promotion. Some companies promote their workers according to their seniority, while others give persons in their companies chances of promotion based on the performance of them. From my perspective, the opportunities of promotion really should be related to the performance of the workers because that policy could benefit the companies a lot from different aspects.

Firstly, promotion of employees related to their performance could establish a positive atmosphere in the companies. Some person get a promotion because they have done their work well give the others who do not get such a admirable chance an image that it is possible for them to get this opportunity in the future if they work harder than before and finish the work in their hand well. This influence could have a significant impact on the development of the company in the long run because it influent the attitude of all the employees in the company toward their work.

Secondly, performance of works take part in the opportunity of promotion can help the company select the right person who really have the ability and the sense of responsibility to deal with the works superior to the others well. Choosing one to get a higher position in company according to his or her performance can ensure that this person is a qualified one because he or she has finished their work well in the past and it bears more possibility for them to still work outstandingly than the others in the future. On the other hand, if the company choose a person to hold an important role in the company just because he or she has worked here for a really long time, which is harmful to the company because a long working experience does not necessary means a well master of the knowledge in his field and a developed ability to lead others in business . And this policy may be a wrong one because the base of that is wrong at first.

Admittedly, giving a chance to a employee because of his or her seniority may include a couple of meaningful reasons such as it is more than possible that he or she know more people than the others of the company and is more acquainted with the situation of the company, hence he or she may finish work more effectively than a relative new coming. However, the benefits bears by choosing a person according to his or her performance obviously outweigh that of selecting one based on seniority when taking all the aspects we have discussed above in this article into consideration.

mpromanusUID：2565872

Different companies choose adopt different ways to judge determine whether or not a employee is qualified for a promotion. Some companies promote their workers according to their seniority, while others give their personnels in their companies (我理解你想尽力让句式变化的心，但是如果句式变化只会让句子变难读那还是不如不要变 - while others 已经指代companies了，后面再in their companies就重复了 。已经有词汇的变化就很好)chances of promotion based on the performance of them. From my perspective, the opportunities of promotion really should be related to the performance of the workers because that policy could benefit the companies a lot from different aspects.


Firstly, promotion of employees related according to their performance (performance是一个比较棘手的词，前面有复数所有格their的话用单数复数都不是很合适，所以索性统一用抽象单数，就是...based on/according to performance，performance前面什么都不要加)could establish a positive atmosphere in the companies (同上，a ... atmosphere in the companies单复数不和，读起来不是很舒服，positive atmospheres in the companies虽然好一些，不过也有些不舒服，所以你要么不用atmosphere, 用environments之类比较容易说得过去的复数词对companies，要么用a ... atmosphere in a company). Some person people get a promotions because they have done their work well, and give the others who do not get such an admirable chance an image that it is possible for them to get this opportunity in the future if they work harder than before and finish the work in their hand well (第一，分句混乱。第二，单复数不和。类似这种名词用单还是复数都不算错但都不是很舒服的情况 - people get a chance for promotion或者people get chances for promotions - 最好的办法就是一开句就选定用单还是复然后坚持。这样至少考官没法扣你语法分). This influence could have a significant impact on the development of the company (again，你前面用的是companies，这里就变单数，不是说有错，但是很混乱。单还是复是一个需要高度统一的语法问题。像这篇文章的情形，最好是讲公司的时候用单，讲雇员的时候用复，比较自然) in the long run because it influent affects the attitude of all the employees in the company towards their work.

Secondly, performance of in works (还是单复数的问题。上面一段提到工作都是单数，这里就变复数，虽然恰好因为work这个词本身可单可复所以语法上没有错，不过这种用词不稳定的表现会让读者非常混乱) taking part in the opportunity of promotion can help the a company select the right persons who really have the ability and the sense of responsibility to deal well (动词和其相配的副词建议不要离得太远，否则也是让人混乱) with the works that is superior (I'm not very sure what you are trying to describe. I guess you mean the work is 'more demanding') to the others well. Choosing someone for to get a higher position in the company according to his or her performance can ensure that this person is a qualified one because he or she has finished their work well in the past, and it bears that means there's more possibility (尽量不要在同一句话中没有逗号的and之后换主语，因为这种and表示一个分句没有完，所以换了主语也是会把人绕昏。如果要换主语，要在and前面加逗号) for them to still keep working outstandingly than the others (outstanding已经有比别人好的意思了，不需要再说一次) in the future. On the other hand, if the a company chooses a person to hold an important role in the company just because he or she has worked here for a really long time, which is it will be (if..的部分是个分句，which is...的部分还是个分句，相当于写了这么长的句子还是不完整的) harmful to the company because a long working experience does not necessarily means the person's a well good master of the knowledge in his field and or has a developed ability to lead others in business . And this policy may be a wrong one because the base of that is wrong at first. (This sentence is not needed, and it's not a good, complete sentence at first. 正式写作中是不应该用and作为句子起首的，因为and标示的是分句).

Admittedly, giving a chance to an employee because of his or her seniority may include have a couple of meaningful reasons such as it is more than possible that he or she knows more people than the others of in the company and is more acquainted with the situation business of the company, hence he or she may finish work more effectively than a relative new comer. However, the benefits bears by of choosing a person according to his or her performance obviously outweigh that those of selecting one based on seniority when taking all the aspects we have discussed above in this article into consideration.

总结:

1. 词汇量非常好。只是有些时候介词看起来用得不是很准。
2. 单复数的统一问题。这个问题基本上每个人都有，主要是中文里没有这些区别，所以很容易犯，请提高警惕。
3. 长句的逻辑实在很不错，GRE应该考得不错，只是托福的话要稍微注意下像第三段中那种不完整的长句的状况。

[ 本帖最后由 mpromanus 于 2008-11-9 00:38 编辑 ]

wuxu840217UID：2568019

太感谢您了！花费好多宝贵时间精力帮我找出这么多的问题
回去好好消化消化，感谢感谢！！！

阿泰UID：209473

这篇文章看的我比较晕，我缓缓。。。