COMEON作文小组------jackallen0714 11月8日作业

jackallen0714UID: 2510951

11月8日
Agree or disagree: High schools,colleges and universities should spend less time teaching about general subjects and spend more time teaching about preparing for future career and jobs.(2007.8.25)

School life is always fascinating and exciting. However, most of us will embrace the society after several years studying in school. Therefore, administrator of school should seriously arrange curriculum to achieve balance between personal interest and further career. Many people argue that school education should be more practical rather than theoretical. However, I hold the opposite opinion.

For high school students it is a bit too early for them to take professional training. Becaue they are not well prepared to entering the next phrase of study, or mature enough to handle the complexity of works. Therefore school is supposed to provide them free atmosphere for develop their personal interest and help them gain essential knowledge for further study. By further study I don not exclusively refer to entering university.They should learn the way to study or in other word learn by themself. General subjects actually played such a role in their education process. Therefore, it is rather important and necessary to put emphasis on these courses.

Another reason I hold my opinion is there is only one step between deep and narrow and people always lose control when dealing with it. University employ courses focus on career and jobs to train their professional skills, however, all too often, students who concentrate on there courses are ill equipped with broad horizon and their knowledge are restricted tosmall areas. It is rather dangerous especially when the condition is changed. Lacking of background knowledge with pose them into a passive situation because their education only taught them what but fail to tell them how. Therefore, lacking of general course training will become barrier for their future career.

Moreover, an straightforward yet important factor is often easily neglected by people. As we all know, teenagers are uncertain, which means potential always remain untapped at their age. Confine them into a selected area will definitely exert negative influence to their further life. Before deciding which job to take, they'd better have a taste on more area. And by studying general courses they can easily find area they excel at and better prepare themself for the future. Such a correct choice will benefit their whole life.

As I mentioned above, I believe it is rather beneficial for students allocating more time in general courses.

[ 本帖最后由 jackallen0714 于 2008-11-9 11:31 编辑 ]

weenbopperUID: 2423595

School life is always fascinating and exciting. However, most of us will embrace the society after several years studying in school. 感觉这个开头有点切题不大紧Therefore, administrator of school should seriously arrange curriculum to achieve balance between personal interest and further career. Many people argue that school education should be more practical rather than theoretical. However, I hold the opposite opinion.觉得开头有点迷惑和切题不紧的嫌疑，开始出现了balance还以为准备用双边赞成的方法，但是后来又突然出现了用I hold the opposite opinion来赞成一边．

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For high school students it is a bit too early for them to take professional training. They are not qualified to entering enter the next phrase of study, or mature enough to handle the complexity of works. School is supposed to provide them free atmosphere for developing their personal interests and helping them gain essential knowledge for further study. By further study I don not exclusively refer to entering university.They should learn the way to study or, in other word, learn by themself. 从句断句应该清楚点，要不会造成错误理解General subjects actually played play such a role in their education process. Therefore, it is rather important and necessary to put emphasis on these courses.

|签证|TOEFL|GRE F"tO&f'w*?~(R(I
Another reason I hold my opinion is that there is only one step between deep and narrow, 断句，说句实话，这里没看懂，是英语的俚语？and people always lose control when dealing with it. University employ emploies courses focusing on career and jobs to train their professional skills, however, all too often, students who concentrate on there courses are ill equipped with broad horizon and their knowledge are restricted to small areas. It is rather dangerous, especially when the condition is changed. Lacking of background knowledge with will pose them into a passive situation because their education only taught them what but fail to tell them how. Therefore, lacking of general course training will become a barrier for their future career.留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA9w#L!f ~:T2MJ9B8M

Moreover, another straightforward yet important factor is often easily neglected by people. As we all know, teenagers are uncertain, which means potential always remains untapped at their age. Confine Confining them into a selected area will definitely exert negative influence to their further life. Before deciding which job to take, they'd better have a taste on more area. And by studying general courses they can easily find area they excel at, and better prepare themself for the future. Such a correct choice will benefit their whole life.

As I mentioned above, I believe it is rather beneficial for students allocating more time in general courses.}
看到了LZ长足的进步，特别是在词汇方面，恭喜恭喜！！但是我还是吹毛求疵的提几个意见：
1、写完后记得在word做初步的修改，对自己的劳动成果负责，同时也对别人负责！
2、记得断句，长句不断句很容易弄巧成拙，会把老外搞晕。。。
3、注意语法的错误，时态啊，动名词，加s，什么的，这其实完全可以避免的，平时写作时候养成好的习惯到考试时候肯定会受益的
4、开头感觉有点问题，已经在前面说了，好好研究下ＯＧ对开头的要求。
大概就这么些吧，我水平也一般，但很用心的改的，接受不了的话权当我开了个小玩笑！！

jackallen0714UID: 2510951

  :loveliness:
太感谢了！
语法我是要好好注意了，经常出现这种没必要的错误！
词汇方面我一直很头疼，单词背了一些但都是被动词汇，阅读时才能想起来……不知道楼主有什么好方法？:)
there is only one step between deep and narrow
这一句我本来的意思是专业和狭隘之间只有一线之隔，结果写出来成chinglish了……:funk:

mpromanusUID: 2565872

School life is always fascinating and exciting. However, most of us will embrace the society after several years of studying in school. Therefore, administrators of schools should seriously arrange curriculum to achieve balance between personal interest and further future career. Many people argue that school education should be more practical rather than theoretical. However, I hold the opposite opinion. (那么你为什么说学校管理者应该'平衡'两者呢? 如果你想写一些描述性的东西来破题，就避免用'should'这种判断性语气的词吧)

For high school students, it is a bit too early for them to take professional training, because they are not well prepared to entering the next phrase of study (俺不是很确定俺读懂了这半句。俺一直以为高中多多少少是要为学生上大学作准备的。另外'not well prepared to enter the next phrase of study'又跟too early to take professional training是什么关系呢?)or mature enough to handle the complexity of works. Therefore their school is supposed to provide them a free atmosphere for developing their personal interests and help them gain essential knowledge for further studies. By further studies I don not exclusively refer to entering university.They should learn the way to study or, in another word, learn by themselves (俺的直觉是你想说the way to study是to learn by themselves, 但是连用两个learn的效果是看起来你在说learn the way to study等于learn by themselves。。很奇特但倒不算完全不靠谱). General subjects actually played such a role in their education process. Therefore, it is rather important and necessary to put emphasis on these courses.

Another reason for which I hold my opinion is that there is only one step between deep and narrow (疑似中文直翻. '一线之隔'在英文有直接对应的'a fine line between...') and people always lose control when dealing with it. University emploies courses focusing on career and jobs to train their professional skills, however, all too often, students who concentrate on there courses are ill-equipped with broad horizon (你是想说they are ill-prepared to meet the broad requirements of professional jobs吗?..) and their knowledge is restricted to small areas. It is rather dangerous, especially when the condition is changed (what conditions? conditions of what?). Lacking of background knowledge with will pose place them into a passive situation because their education only taught them what but failed to tell them how. Therefore, lacking of general course training will become a barrier for their future career. (I don't get the logic. 你一直说的是注重job skill training其实还是只对学生纸上谈兵，不会教给学生真正工作中有用的知识，但是结论是 缺乏general course会对学生的职业产生阻碍。。完全不搭边. A is not good for C -> lacking of B is not good for C. 这样子的逻辑怎么也说不通啊)

Moreover, an straightforward yet important factor is often easily neglected by people. As we all know, teenagers are uncertain, which means potential always remains untapped at their age. Confine them into a selected area will definitely exert negative influence to on their further life. Before deciding which job to take, they'd better have a taste on more areas. And by studying general courses they can easily find areas they excel at and better prepare themself for the future. Such a correct choice will benefit their whole life. (等等，等等，题目是问学校关于教导学生准备就业找工的技巧，什么时候说学校要限定他们找什么工作了? 懂得怎么找工作难道不是和懂得其他所有的知识一样的吗？The question never hints that the schools should or will force students to decide on their jobs by teaching them how to prepare for jobs, 所以如果你要用这个来当论点，你就要自己制定这条假设：by offering courses on how to prepare for jobs, schools may INDUCE students into choosing jobs early, and that's not good. However this is only your own opinion about the situation raised by the question, so you have to declare it yourself.)

As I mentioned above, I believe it is rather beneficial for students allocating more time in general courses.

总结：

语法的小问题有一些，但主要的问题还是逻辑不严谨。尤其是倒数第二段，是典型的论点漂移。托福切忌松题，随时问自己：我写的这个阐述了我的哪个论点的哪个方面，这个论点又阐述了题目的哪个方面。Your points should stick to the question, and your arguments should stick with your points.

'专业和狭隘只有一线之隔'建议为 there's but a fine line between focused and narrow.