作文求改- learning the subject of history

rachel4890UID：2368107

Should all university students learn the subject of history?

The impact that history exerts on our vision of tomorrow and perception of the whole world is undeniable. No doubt this impact will become even greater with an increasing nationwide emphasis on history learning for all ages of people. We have been receiving history education ever since we enter elementary school. However, recently there has been a wide discussion among people over the issue that whether history should be a compulsory course for every student in college. For those oppose this action, they view it as unnecessary reasoning that college students have already gained enough history knowledge from their past learning experience and that to do so is merely a waste of teaching resources. Moreover, some students take it as a waste of energy since they could otherwise use it for those core courses which seems to be more valuable and pragmatic in future job. While others, I included, maintain that the merits of taking history course are abundant and the course of history deserved to be taken as compulsory for every college student.

In the first place, it can be said without exaggeration that the purpose of modern higher education is to cultivate sound and intellectual people that will have a positive impact on society. Learning history in college assists one in having a more comprehensive understanding about the world which in one’s mind not only about banking industry, exploring the universe or any specific subjects that relate to one’s major but also about how the nation has come to exist, how a unique custom has become a indispensable element in identifying a nation. Such things are what we can learn from studying history and are useful in building us into qualified future leaders.

It constitute another reason for my point of view, which is equally significant, that learning history can help arouse a sense of self-pride and patriotism. And this sense is especially important to college students since it is them that acting as the pioneers in building our nation. In such highly competitive world, blessed with the assets that our forefathers leave us, we can be more aware of the weight on our shoulder to building a more prosperous country. There is no better case than knowing about the accident happened in the pear harbor during the Second World War. Though a national humidity regarded by many US citizens, it truly helps them identify their role in creating  world peace.

An equally essential factor which deserves people’s attention is that history serves the purpose of being the guidance of our action that directly leads us to make a more sensible decision in the future. Take the Second World War as an example again. History of that specific era consists of massive destructive behaviors that went against human right, and what we learn from this period of time is that world peace is what we treasure most in the heart of everyone living on this planet. Therefore, anyone with a some sense of history will take this calamity as an alarm bell and do everything he can to prevent such kind of self-made disaster from happening again.

To sum up, from what has been discussed above we can safely reach the conclusion that learning history is essential for every college students. Its merits lie in the fact that learning history not only makes one a more qualified and patriotic future leader, but also in molding our actions and make us more socially responsible.

[ 本帖最后由 rachel4890 于 2008-11-13 23:59 编辑 ]

mpromanusUID：2565872

The impact that history exerts on our visions of tomorrow and perceptions of the whole world is undeniable (it's not entirely good to use plurals here, so I'd suggest you to stay with '...exerts on one's vision..and perception...). No doubt this impact will become even greater with an increasing nationwide emphasis on history learning for all ages of people. We have been receiving history education ever since we enter elementary school. However, recently there has been a widespread discussion among people over the issue that whether history should be a compulsory course for every student in college. For those oppose this action, they view it as unnecessary, reasoning that college students have already gained enough history knowledge from their past learning experiences, and that to do so is merely a waste of teaching resources. Moreover, some students take it as a waste of energy since they could otherwise use it for those core courses which seems to be more valuable and pragmatic in for future jobs. While (I had to actually read this sentence twice to understand what you are contrasting with by this 'while'. It's too far away from your previous sentence's subject. You need something here to remind your readers of your flow of logic and reassure them that they're not lost) others, I included including me, maintain that the merits of taking a history course are abundant and the course of history deserves to be taken as compulsory for every college student.

In the first place, it can be said without exaggeration that the purpose of modern higher education is to cultivate sound and intellectual people that will have a positive impact on the society. Learning history in college assists one in having achieving a more comprehensive understanding about the world, which, in one’s mind (I'm not sure what's this doing here in the middle of this long sentence. The sentence makes perfect sense for me without this part), is not only about the banking industry, exploring the universe or any specific subjects that relates to one’s major, but also about how the nation has come to exist, how a unique custom has become an indispensable element in identifying a nation (生生被这句话的长度雷倒。。您就分个句吧，保证不会影响您的强大..). Such things are what we can learn from studying history and are useful in building us into qualified future leaders.

It constitute another reason for my point of view (What is the 'It' here referring to? I think you mean 'My point of view constitutes of another reason...'.), which is equally significant, that learning history can help arouse a sense of self-pride and patriotism. And (I'm surprised that I have to say this even in the most accomplished of essays: you should avoid starting sentences with 'and', 'but' and 'so' in formal writing) this sense is especially important to college students since it is them that who acting as the pioneers in building our future nation (college students as 'pioneer' nation builders? where do colleges come from if the nation is not already built? I'd think you mean 'champion'). In such a highly competitive world, blessed with the assets that our forefathers left us, we can be more aware of the weight on our shoulders towards building a more prosperous country. There is no better case example than knowing about the accident (Pearl Harbor was not an accident because accidents are not planned. Pearl Harbor was a well-planned surprise) happened in the Pearl Harbor during the Second World War. Though a national humidity humiliation (I almost can't believe you actually wrote 'humidity' here..) regarded by many US citizens, it truly helps them to identify their role in creating world peace.

An equally essential factor which deserves people’s attention is that history serves the purpose of being the guide (you might as well say 'history serves as a guide') of our actions that directly leads us to make a more sensible decisions in the future. Take the Second World War as an example again. History of that specific era consists of massive destructive behaviors that went against human rights, and what we learn from this period of time is that world peace is what we treasure most in the heart of everyone living on this planet. Therefore, anyone with a some sense of history will take this calamity as an alarm bell and do everything he can to prevent such kind of self-made disasters from happening again.(I'm personally intrigued that, looking at all the rapid advances of military technology and intricate balances between nations, people still choose to believe the most important thing wars teach us is peace. I personally believe peace is only an alternative to expensive wars - but of course I'm babbling away, so just ignore this whole bracket :))

To sum up, from what has been discussed above, we can safely reach the conclusion that learning history is essential for every college students. Its merits lie in the fact that learning history not only makes one a more qualified and patriotic future leader, but also in molding our actions and make us more socially responsible.('sensible decisions' and 'socially responsible' are totally independent ideas. Please stay with your points. Repeating your points in the summary is perfectly okay. Don't inadvertently raise new ideas when attempting to rephrase your points)

总结:

You are a power writer: superb vocabulary, fluid command of language with a slightly annoying habit of running several convoluted clauses into one huge sentence. HOWEVER, you still fail to produce an essay that fits with the question - because the question is about 'university students'. You have spent much time and efforts on persuading your readers that history learning is good, and you did an excellent job on that, but your readers will never see why or whether history learning is particularly important for university students. The first few paragraphs still show a conscious attempt at tackling the question from the 'university students' perspective, but the later paragraphs soon drift into talking about the merits of history learning in a very general sense. It's okay to discuss the issue in a larger context, but you need to consistently guide your readers back to the 'university students' context, or you risk surprising them when your last paragraph suddenly mentions 'college students' again.

On a personal note, your style certainly reminds me of mine in pre-u. Ahh..good old years.


[ 本帖最后由 mpromanus 于 2008-11-14 18:38 编辑 ]