求Romanus 狠拍！感激！

wuxu840217UID：2568019

题目：选择朋友，更看重聪明的，幽默的 还是可靠的？

Different people choose their friends depend on different standards, some cherish
sense of humor in their friends most because they can enjoy cozy atmosphere when spend time
with these people hence can lead more funny life, some others argue that reliable friends
are real friends and their reliability should be regarded the most important thing because a
friend in need is a friend indeed. However, from my perspective, intelligence is what i most
look forward in friends because such kind of friends can benefit me a lot from many different
aspects.

Firstly, intelligent friends can offer me feasible solutions when i encounter difficulties
in my daily life and do not have good ideas to overcome them. In this situation, some
would turn to their parents for help because their parents might have that kind of experience and
can give a feasible solution. However, the thing is the older generation understand
the world in a different way from us sometimes and their choice may only fit to their time. Everything will be OK if there are intelligent friends stand behind me who can
play roles of consulter because their advices could be more suitable in that their eyesight of the world are similar with me.

Secondly, interacting with intelligent friends frequently could make me a wiser man because I
could learn from them how to analysis the problems in front of me and how to deal with them.
Intelligence can be inherited as well as be learned through experience, which means I could
understand the problems I meet more wisely and deal with them more properly if there are
intelligent people around me. The influence of this infection would be more effective if these people are my friends and they would spend all day long with me.

Admittedly, friends have wonderful sense of humor or are really reliable may bring me a couple of advantages such as they could console my worried mind and may make me laugh or share the sadness with me when I am in an adversity and do not know how to get rid of it. However, the merits of intelligent friends obviously outweigh those of humorous friends or reliable friends if taking all the aspects we have discussed above in this article into consideration.

wuxu840217UID：2568019

上次求Romanus 帮忙改过一篇，感觉对自己帮助很大
但 自己还存在很多问题，Romanus 辛苦辛苦！！！

mpromanusUID：2565872

这位童鞋，不好意思，求改作文还要麻烦你去俺的铺子排队。。:loveliness:

mpromanusUID：2565872

Different people choose their friends depending on different standards: some cherish the sense of humor in their friends most, because they can enjoy a cozy atmosphere when spending time with these people hence (because跟hence最好不要连用，容易歧义..这句子也忒长) and can lead a more funnier life (funny形容人是好事，形容生活可就不怎么好了..I suggest 'lighthearted'); some others argue that reliable friends are real friends and their reliability should be regarded as the most important thing because a friend in need is a friend indeed. However, from my perspective, intelligence is what i most look forward in friends because such kind of friends can benefit me a lot from many different aspects.

Firstly, intelligent friends can offer me feasible solutions when i encounter difficulties in my daily life and do not have good ideas to overcome them. In this such a situation, some would turn to their parents for help because their parents might have had that kind of experience and can give a feasible solution. However, the thing is sometimes the older generation understands the world in a different way from us sometimes and their choice may only be fitting to in their time. Everything will be OK (这话说得太绝了，用Things will be better比较好) if there are intelligent friends standing behind me who can play roles of consultants, because their advices could be more suitable in that their eyesight views of the world are similar with mine.

Secondly, interacting frequently (副词尽量靠近它要修饰的词) with intelligent friends frequently could make me a wiser man because I could learn from them how to analyse the problems in front of me and how to deal with them (听起来好像和上一点的情况重复啊). Intelligence can be inherited as well as be learned through experience, which means I could understand the problems I meet face more wisely (没有understand什么东西wisely这种说法. If you understand something, you're wise; there's no 'unwise' understanding of something. I suggest 'thoroughly') and deal with them more properly if there are intelligent people around me. The influence of this infection (这是个贬义词，而且和influence意思重复. 用This influence就够了) would be more effective if these people are my friends and they would spend all day long with me.

Admittedly, friends who have a wonderful sense of humor or are really reliable may bring me a couple of advantages, such as they could console my worried mind (You console somebody. You don't console somebody's mind.) and may make me laugh, or share the my sadness with me when I am in an adversity and do not know how to get rid of (You can't 'get rid' of an adversity. You 'get out' of it) it. However, the merits of intelligent friends obviously outweigh those of humorous friends or reliable friends, if we take all the aspects we have discussed above in this article into consideration.

总结：

你的论点和论证都没有什么问题，主要请避免逻辑不清晰的长句和像console my mind这样明显中文直翻的用法..另外少用动名词，尤其少用动名词带长分句，这种写法非常拗口。

wuxu840217UID：2568019

真的很感谢啊！先拿回去消化了，呵呵

wuxu840217UID：2568019

再请教您几个问题
1，之前一篇文章中您纠正了我在抽象名词前冠词的用法，说用不好可以索性不用
但此文中：
1）some cherish the sense of humor in their friends most
2）friends who have a wonderful sense of humor
中sense of humor之前的冠词是必须加的吧？？？
2，您在这篇文章中帮我把一些句子用逗号断开：
1）Things will be better if there are intelligent friends standing behind me who can play consultants, because their advices could be more suitable in that their views of the world are similar with mine.
2）However, the merits of intelligent friends obviously outweigh those of humorous or reliable friends, if we take all the aspects we have discussed above in this article into consideration. E#^ @-u$|
上两句中, because前与, if 前被您用逗号断开，我之前连在一块的写法是错误的吧？？？
3，您说的应该少用动名词（非常拗口）是指的我文中
interacting frequently with intelligent friends could make me wiser
这样的句子吧？？？

mpromanusUID：2565872

不好意思总是忘记改完了还可能有问题..:loveliness:

1. 俺记得上次批你的作文主要改的好像是某些名词单复数不好决定的时候可以用抽象单数，没有冠词什么问题的说。不过关于冠词的使用，和名词本身是否抽象没有关系，是看你的名词是泛指还是特指，泛指用a或者不用冠词，带限定的特指用the。在1) 里面，sense of humor是被in THEIR friends限定的，是特指‘他们那些’朋友的sense of humor，所以用the。2)里面的sense of humor是用来修饰friends的，但这个sense of humor本身是泛指，没有被其他的修饰语限定，不能用‘这些’‘那些’来区分，所以用a。

2. 错误谈不上，只是有可能产生歧义。1)中间如果不加逗号，那么because后面的部分是修饰things will be better的原因呢还是修饰play consultants的原因呢？虽然可以从具体内容大致推断，但还是会让人感觉读得不顺。2)的逗号则更多的是为了语气起见，因为however后面的部分是你的主要论点，所以最好独立出来，让读者更容易抓住文章的要点。

3. 是的。不是说不可以用，但是如果动名词带的部分很长，你的主语(interacting...)和谓语(could make)会离得很远的话，最好还是拆开，因为这样写非常考读者的记性啊，在他看到could make的时候，他必须记住前面有一个很长的主语，并且要能立刻判断出could make是整个长主语的谓语。为了考官的精神面貌起见，俺们最好写简单一些，让他容易读一些，他觉得你的文章容易看懂，心情就会好点，心情好点就可能会比较愿意多给点分。。

[ 本帖最后由 mpromanus 于 2008-11-23 01:00 编辑 ]

wuxu840217UID：2568019

真是太感谢了！要不是您我真不知道能去哪找答案了！
对我帮助太大了