ARGUMENT53 [FF小组] by alpsky 有拍必回，欢迎互改

alpskyUID: 2438084

有拍必回，欢迎互改



题目：ARGUMENT53 - Thirteen years ago,researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distresswhen exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recordingof an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely thanother infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when theirmothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brainfunctions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In afollow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of thesechildren-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves asshy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness duringinfancy and this shyness continues into later life.
字数：401          用时：0:44:22          日期：2008-11-25

In this argument, the arguer recommendsthat increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancyand this shyness continues into later life. To support this claim, the arguercites the results of a study which appears reasonable and convincing. Howeverthinking it carefully, we will find several critical flaws as follows.

First of all, the validity of the survey isdoubtful. The number of infants who were studied is too small. And also we haveno idea whether these 25 infants can represent all the infants. If half of themhave some healthy problems by nature, the results of the study are unwarranted.Furthermore, maybe the mild distress dues to some other illness which infantshad suffered already. And the environment these infants stayed should beconsidered too. Without ruling out these and other possibilities, we cannotconvince the results of the study.

In addition, the arguer rests on anunfounded assumption that it is the increase of their mother's production of melatoninthat resulted in signs of mild distress. Firstly, the amount of production of melatoninis influenced not only by the decreased daylight, but also other aspects. Alsothere is no evidence showing that their mothers' production of melatonin is actuallymore than other mothers', since they may lose the hormone by other ways andothers maybe get the hormone from other ways. Secondly, the arguer does notprovide any evidence that the increasing of that hormone is the only way tomake infant mild distress. Apparently the arguer does not take environmentaspects into consideration, so we cannot get the assumption either.

Finally, even assuming that increasedlevels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy, it does notfollow that the shyness they have when they are teenagers relies on the shynessduring infancy. As there are many reasons for teenagers to be shy. Perhaps itis their poor performance at school that made them shy in the public. Maybe itis a universal phenomenon related to a teenager. And when they are grown up,this shyness will disappear too.

To sum up, we can safely conclude that theargument has several patent flaws. To make it logically acceptable, the arguershould provide more concrete evidence concerning the relationship betweenincreased levels of melatonin before birth and shyness. To better evaluate theargument, we need to know information regarding the shyness in teenagers

duyuan3377UID: 2415765

In this argument, the arguer recommends that increased levels of melatonin befo re birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life. To support this claim, the arguer cites the results of a study which appears reasonable and convincing. However thinking it carefully, we will find several critical flaws as follows.
*开头够简练的，本来开头应该理理作者论述思路的，我理的时候就发现了这篇不怎么好操作，你这样也好。

First of all, the validity of the survey（原文是study，这个改写就不需要了吧） is doubtful. The number of infants who were studied is too small. And also we haveno idea whether these 25 infants can represent all the（没必要） infants. If half of them have some healthy problems by nature, the results of the study are unwarranted. Furthermore, maybe the mild distress dues to some other illness which infants had suffered already. And the environment these infants stayed should be considered too. Without ruling out these and other possibilities, we cannot convince the results of the study.
*段落的结构不错。

In addition, the arguer rests on an unfounded assumption that it is the increase of their mother's production of melatonin that resulted in signs of mild distress. Firstly, the amount of production of melatoninis influenced not only by the decreased daylight, but also other aspects. Also there is no evidence showing that their mothers' production of melatonin is actuallymore than other mothers', since they may lose the hormone by other ways andothers maybe get the hormone from other ways. Secondly, the arguer does not provide any evidence that the increasing of that hormone is the only way tomake infant mild distress. Apparently the arguer does not take environmentaspects into consideration, so we cannot get the assumption either.

Finally, even assuming that increasedlevels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy, it does not follow that the shyness they have when they are teenagers relies on the shynessduring infancy. As there are many reasons for teenagers to be shy. Perhaps itis their poor performance at school that made them shy in the public. Maybe itis a universal phenomenon related to a teenager. And when they are grown up,this shyness will disappear too.

To sum up, we can safely conclude that the argument has several patent flaws. To make it logically acceptable, the arguer should provide more concrete evidence concerning the relationship betweenincreased levels of melatonin before birth and shyness. To better evaluate the argument, we need to know information regarding the shyness in teenagers

*总体说你的argu基本成型了，能看得出来已经有了个不错的模板，文章结构，段落结构也很清晰。“闪光句型”也不少，我虽没有标出但都看到了。

这个做好了，那么argu真正难的地方就是逻辑分析了，这个就是内功了~我正为这个头大呢，其实这篇argu是比较难的一篇，要真的写好了不容易，这篇我光写就40分钟，加上开错误写提纲，肯定超一个小时了。

我觉得你头几篇argu基本写到这个样子已经很不错了，可以开始好好练内功喽~~

alpskyUID: 2438084

谢谢duyuan3377 ，明天就去改你的作文:)

alpskyUID: 2438084

我的困惑：写这篇的时候感觉错误好多，后来看了范文的提纲还是很犯晕，就和51题一样，都是很多错误的。不知道这种文章需不需要把所有的错误都找出来，如果找出3个以上的错误，我就不知道改怎么写了，也不知道时间够不够，一般来说我会把错误分成3段写，难道要加段落？还是把两个错误归纳成一个在一段中解决，求高人指点~~~~~~~~;)

duyuan3377UID: 2415765

不是高人~我argu还是很菜~

我的感觉~看错误的严重程度，应该找2个比较严重的，就是真正的那种逻辑错误，需要自己去分析的那种，不是背一堆套话就可以解决问题的，因为AW真正想考的就是这个。

关于段落问题，我认为3个正为段落足够了，那个小错误，你来不及也没必要好好分析的，就合成一段就好了。

:)  继续奋斗~~