Romanus的作文修改铺 帮忙～

transformersUID：2307599

Modern society is more complex, so it is essential for the young people to have the ability to plan and organize.07 21

Does the ability of plan and organize necessary for children? There is no consensus among people. Some argue that the only job of children and teenagers is play and obtain knowledge. On the other side of the leaf, I convinced that the ability of plan and organize is significant for young people. My reasons will be presented as follows.

There are two fundamental arguments to support my claim. The first one has to go on the complex of modern society. For one thing, there is no denying that the modern society is more complex than before, like knowledge booming by internet and we should to be exchange students by the enhance of transport and over national cooperation. Such advances will certainly impulses young citizens to plan and organize the study schedule and semester goal. For another, master the ability of plan and organize is helpful for juveniles to successful when they grow up. A survey conducted by Global Education Committee indicates that most successful people should plan and organize in their childhood.

In addition, why so many people are fond of plan and organize their time plan is that it is helpful for them both on study and spare time. On one hand, it is universally acknowledge that organize their time will help youth to know how to use the time efficiently and useful which is not available in the science knowledge. No thing is more significant than efficient when obtain knowledge. On the other hand, we can not emphasize the significant of plan and organize in children' spare time. One reason is they will have more spare time when they study efficiently, another reason is organize is important in some games, like basketball. And as a result of this, they will build up their ability of communicate and cooperate which is significant for their further.

On the other hand, one argument, also the one I find most compelling against my claim, is that childhood is significant for all people and they should spend their time on play and obtain science knowledge. Though I concede this point, in my observation, the ability of plan and organize is not conflict but also will help on their play and study. On need look no further more than TV and newspaper to find ample evidence that this is the case. For instance, plan their time will let them study more efficient than before, so they will have more time to play, and organize the schedule will let them know which is more significant to their study.

In sum, this issue is a complex one, which requires subjective judgments. Thus, play and obtain science knowledge surely provide children good healthy and education, but it is tends to just satisfy the common need of children. Other more fundamental needs of children, like efficient of life and gain knowledge, mental healthy, are well met by the ability of plan and organize. In the finally analysis, so significant of plan and organize for childhood that that we can not afford to ignore it. Consequently, because of the complex of modern society, the ability of plan and organize is necessary for people especially for young citizens.

[ 本帖最后由 transformers 于 2008-11-27 22:13 编辑 ]

mpromanusUID：2565872

Does the ability of to plan and organize necessary for children (Young people和children还是有差别的。。)? There is no consensus among people. Some argue that the only job of for children and teenagers is to play and obtain knowledge. On the other side of the leaf, I am convinced that the ability of to plan and organize is significant for young people. My reasons will be presented as follows.

There are two fundamental arguments to support my claim. The first one has to go on the complexity of modern society. For one thing, there is no denying that the modern society is more complex than before, like knowledge booming by the internet and we should to be exchange students by the enhancement of transportation and over international cooperation (快要彻底看不出你试图说什么了..首先should to be就不通，exchange students和complex society又有什么关系呢？). Such advances will certainly impulses (Wrong word. Use 'impel'.) young citizens to plan and organize their study schedules and semester goals. (问题问的是 现代社会变复杂了，所以年轻人学会plan and organize很重要，你在文章里应该做的是解释为什么，而不是把题目给的 现代社会很复杂，年轻人要学会plan and organize 这个情况重复描写一遍。。) For another, mastering the ability of plan and organize is helpful for juveniles to become successful when they grow up. A survey conducted by Global Education Committee (Again, you invented this committee, yes?) indicates that most successful people should (你在试图描述一个情况，而不是下一个结论，不能用should) plan and organize in their childhood.

In addition, why so many people are fond of planning and organizing their time plan is that it is helpful for them both on during studies and spare time. On one hand, it is universally acknowledged that organizing their time will help youth to know how to use their time efficiently, and useful which is not available in the science knowledge (又要看不出你想说什么了，plan and organize本来就不是科学知识啊..). Nothing is more significant than efficiency when obtaining knowledge. On the other hand, we cannot emphasize the significance of planing and organization in children' spare time (模板没背对吧？我们不能强调。。。的重要性？). One reason is they will have more spare time when they study efficiently, another reason is organization is important in some games, like basketball. And as a result of this, they will build up their ability of communication and cooperation, which is significant for their further (后面应该还有个词吧。。careers?）.

On the other hand, one argument, also the one I find most compelling against my claim, is that childhood is significant for all people and they should spend their time on playing and obtaining scientific knowledge (I'm intrigued. 为什么科学知识让你觉得这么重要呢?). Though I concede this point, in my observation, the ability of to plan and organize is not in conflict (with playing?) but also will help on their playing and studying. One needs to look no further more than TV and newspapers (这整个问题和电视报纸有什么关系？看完了你后面的解释也没看出个所以然) to find ample evidence that this is the case. For instance, planing their time will let them study more efficiently than before, so they will have more time to play, and organizing the schedule will let them know which is more significant to their studies.

In sum, this issue is a complex one, which requires subjective judgments. Thus, playing and obtaining scientific knowledge surely provide children good healthy and education, but it is tends to just satisfy the common needs of children. Other more fundamental needs of children, like efficiency of in life and gaining knowledge, mental healthy, are well met by the ability of to plan and organize. In the finally analysis, so significant of planing and organizing for childhood are that that we cannot afford to ignore it. Consequently, because of the complexity of modern society, the ability of to plan and organize is necessary for people especially for young citizens.

总结：

1. 请注意介词，动词。。基本的语法问题。。

2. 知道你马上就要再考，但还是得说，这模板也套得太彻底了，每一句都一模一样。。而且完全没有对问题和论点有什么很深入的思考的样子，就是把几个关键字轮换着往模板里填空。这样写出来的作文几近没法读，因为意思几乎都不通的，连猜都很难猜你想说什么。。就算要背模板也建议背个简单容易好点儿的、至少自己知道填出来不会有什么语法问题的吧？。。