【12月-1月IBT综合备考大帖】之【TWE作文】12/ 11

xiaojing1115UID: 2578357

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Teachers should be   paid as much as doctors, lawyers, and business leaders.（07.5.19）
With the knowledge becoming important, education exerts an essential role in the society. At the same time, more and more people focus on the teacher’s payment. Quite a few people claim that teachers should be paid as much as doctors, layers, and business leader because of their selfless dedication. However, on the contrast, some people think teachers shouldn’t be paid so much because teaching is their obligation. I prefer former rather than latter as my inclination.
Naturally, knowledge facilitates the development of society. It is no doubt that society would stasis if the knowledge is not spread abroad by teachers. Teachers not only teach the knowledge that they know to the students, but also instruct students how to absorb the knowledge in the book. Only people having the study ability can they innovate new theory to accelerate the society developing. For example, Bill who didn’t accomplish the course of the university invents the Microsoft and promotes the development of the computer by his study ability and interest. Knowledge which is learned from the teachers or ourselves can’t be ignored in the progress of culture. So the magnitude of teachers can’t instead.
Obviously, teenagers who are taught by the teachers are the hope in the future. As a consequence, teacher’s action and words have a deep influence in the evolution of society. What they teach to the student is so important that none can instead of them. It is not excessive to say teachers create the future. teachers should be respected by respected by everyone. Without teachers, doctors, lawyers, and business leaders can’t exist. Teachers make the book which is bland interest and easy to learn. They help students pick up the elite of knowledge in the book and illustrate it.   
Furthermore, what is worth noticing fact is that teachers act as an vital element in the growth of students no matter the character, philosophy or value.
Aside from parents, they are the most important people in the children’s growth. They contribute their life to the students.
In conclusion, teachers like candles dedicating themselves in silent. They shoud be paid more that other occupation.

transformersUID: 2307599

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Teachers should be   paid as much as doctors, lawyers, and business leaders.

With the knowledge becoming important, education exerts an essential role in the society. At the same time, more and more people focus on the teacher’s(s’) payment. Quite a few people claim that teachers should be paid as much as doctors, layers, and business leader because of their selfless dedication. However, on the contrast, some people think teachers shouldn’t be paid so much because teaching is their obligation. I prefer former rather than latter as my inclination.

Naturally, knowledge facilitates the development of society. It is no doubt that society would stasis if the knowledge is not spread abroad by teachers. Teachers not only teach the knowledge that they know to the students, but also instruct students how to absorb the knowledge in the book. Only people having the study ability can they innovate new theory to accelerate the society developing. For example, Bill who didn’t accomplish the course of the university invents the Microsoft and promotes the development of the computer by his study ability and interest. Knowledge which is learned from the teachers or us can’t be ignored in the progress of culture. So the magnitude of teachers can’t instead.（强调老师重要性 比尔盖茨举例说明老师给的自学能力重要 很标准的一段 但是感觉不很切题 题目是老师应不应该拿高薪 而这段说的是老师重要性 如果在开头加上一个人的薪水是由他对社会的重要性决定的就好些了）

Obviously, teenagers who are taught by the teachers are the hope in the future. As a consequence, teacher’s action and words have a deep influence in the evolution of society. What they teach to the student is so important that none can instead of them. It is not excessive to say teachers create the future. Teachers should be respected by respected（？不很懂） by everyone. Without teachers, doctors, lawyers, and business leaders can’t exist. Teachers make the book which is bland interest and easy to learn. They help students pick up the elite of knowledge in the book and illustrate it. （很多排比的一段话 但是感觉不好 1 只反复说老师怎么重要 没有老师怎样不行 感觉有点车轱辘 细节例子只有很模糊的感觉 2 这是说老师的薪水问题 加点话拐到薪水上会好些 ）  

Furthermore, what is worth noticing fact is that teachers act as a vital element in the growth of students no matter the character, philosophy or value? Aside from parents, they are the most important people in children’s growth. They contribute their life to the students.(这段我也写了 写的时候也是没有词憋得 这段说老师是小孩子成长的主力 最好加上 所以全社会都应该给老师高薪)

In conclusion, teachers like candles dedicating themselves in silent. They should be paid more that other occupation.

总结 语言有小错 有个别重复单词 eg important 可以换成 essential , significant等~~
每段加上和老师薪水的关系就好了 感觉完全是在说老师怎么重要 没提钱的事~~不要不好意思提钱~ 他敢问~咱就敢提~~如果每段加一句跟薪水有关的话就基本完成任务
总体可以让人接受 还不错 一个小问题 改不改都行 就是感觉你有点虎头蛇尾 开头和结尾长度不成比例 开头很好 结尾再加句~~什么虽然那几个职业贡献也有但是老师贡献更大所以更应该得钱~~就平衡了~~估计是时间不够了 不过这样写也没问题

泡面UID: 2513568

With the knowledge becoming important, education exerts an essential role in the society. At the same time, more and more people focus on the teacher’s payment. Quite a few people claim that teachers should be paid as much as doctors, layers, and business leader (leaders) because of their selfless dedication. However, on the contrast, some people think teachers shouldn’t be paid so much because teaching is their obligation. I prefer former rather than latter as my inclination.

Naturally, knowledge facilitates the development of society. It is no doubt that society would stasis (stasis为名字，词性错误) if the （the去掉） knowledge is not spread abroad by teachers. Teachers not only teach the knowledge that they know to the students, but also instruct students how to absorb the knowledge in the book. Only people having the study ability can they innovate new theory (theories) to accelerate the society developing. For example, Bill who didn’t accomplish the course of the university invents the Microsoft and promotes the development of the computer by his study ability and interest. Knowledge which is learned from the teachers or ourselves can’t be ignored in the progress of culture. So the magnitude of teachers can’t instead  (be replaced).

Obviously, teenagers who are taught by the teachers are the hope in the future. As a consequence, teacher’s action and words have a deep influence in the evolution of society. What they teach to the student is so important that none can instead of (介词，用法不对，take place) them. It is not excessive to say teachers create the future. Teachers should be respected by everyone. Without teachers, (中间应该加点什么，否则容易引起歧义，会把doctors也包含进去) doctors, lawyers, and business leaders can’t （cannot） exist. Teachers make the book which is bland (平淡乏味的？什么意思，不太明白)  interest and easy to learn. They help students pick up the elite （elite指人，用在知识上不对） of knowledge in the book and illustrate it.

Furthermore, what is worth noticing fact is that teachers act as an vital element in the growth of students no matter the character, philosophy or value.

Aside from parents, they are the most important people in the children’s growth. They contribute their life to the students.
In conclusion, teachers like candles dedicating themselves in silent. They should be paid more that (than) other occupations.

1，行文很流畅，结构也连贯
2，个别词用的不恰当
3，bill的例子，觉得不是特别恰当，最好换一个
楼主思路很顺，值得学习