【12月-1月IBT综合备考活动】之【TWE写作】12月19日作业

nickey0809UID: 2349468

12.19日作业
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Modern society has become more complex, so it is essential for the young people to have the ability to plan and organize（2007.7.21）

With the rapid development of the technology and the social economy, the social requirement for the young people does not merely remain on a piece of college diploma, but also more qualities such as ability to plan and organize. In order to put themselves in an invulnerable position in the increasingly competitive job market, they should try their best to sharpen themselves in practice to grasp these two precious treasures for the whole life.
First of all, a long-term feasible plan, which can save you from unnecessary detour, is the first step to success. With a detailed plan in hand, the teenagers could have a clear head and cool heart to make business work.. What’s more, it will increase one’s confidence, especially the green hand’s, as well as alleviate their panic when confronting problem take place unpredictably. All things and everyone need plan. For instance, a young painter has to plan how to further his career and held his own art exhibition; a clerk should learn to plan how to enhance himself to promote or raise his salary; a young research should make a academic plan to carry on his project. Young people even have to plan how to manage their finance. So the ability to plan is not only the essential to success but also to survive. Eventually, the ability to plan can also help you to accomplish your target before the deadline and leave you enough room to make a save if emergency.
Moreover, without an efficient, smooth organization, any dream could hardly come true, no matter how appealing it is. The ability of organize is requisite for young people to realize their value. It involve the capabilities to communicate or even persuade your partners and make the whole team hang together to achieve a common goal. For example, a young entrepreneur with good organizational ability will easily win the respect and trust from his staff, and quickly make his small company on track. What's more, even there are only five coworkers. By well arranging, they can have more power than the disorder crew of fifty persons. Thus, the ability to organize is the key to derive the potential from the available tool and resource.
In sum, a strategic plan coupled with a solid organization produce a perfect combination, which can help every ambitious young man pursue a better future. The plan is like a compass, while the organization is a walking stick. With these two magic tools, one will dash through thick and thin without fear.

这篇写得不好
多提批评意见，或提供写作思路
修改格式   organization
               thesis and support
               unity and coherence
               grammar and vocabulary


[ 本帖最后由 nickey0809 于 2008-12-31 21:35 编辑 ]

yuanyuan@560806UID: 2513323

when confronting problem take （taking）place unpredictably.

yuanyuan@560806UID: 2513323

呵呵，要有信心，写得很好哦。加油！

xlwxxyUID: 2568970

WithAs the rapid development of the technology and the social economy, the social requirement for the young people does not merely remain on a piece of college diploma, but also more qualities such as ability to plan and organize. In order to put themselves in an invulnerable position in the increasingly competitive job market, they should try their best to sharpen themselves in practice to grasp these two precious treasures for the whole life.(这里最好不要用第三人称，好像你不是其中一分子。)
First of all, a long-term feasible plan（a feasible plan for long term 会好点）, which can save you from unnecessary detourroundabout way（detour 有便道的意思，用在这里好像不合适）, is the first step to success. WithHolding a detailed plan in hand, the teenagers could have a clear head and cool heart to make business work. What’s more, it will increase one’s confidence, especially the green hand’s, as well as alleviate their panic（好像只有alleviate the pain，减轻恐惧感应该用另一个词，还有a sence of panic好点） when confronting problem that take place unpredictably. All things and everyone need plan. For instance, a young painter has to plan how to further his career and held his own art exhibition; a clerk should learn to plan how to enhance himself to promote orand raise his salary; a young researcher should make an academic plan to carry on his project. Young people even have to plan how to manage their finance. So the ability to plan is not only the essential to success but also to survive. Eventually, the ability to plan can also help you to accomplish your target before the deadline and leave you enough room to make a save if in(或for emergency) emergency.
Moreover, without an efficient, smooth organization, any dream could hardly come true, no matter how appealing it is. The ability of organize is requisite for young people to realize their value. It involves the capabilities toof communicate or even persuadeconvince(比较合式) your partners and make the whole team hang together to achieve a commonthe goal in union. For example, a young entrepreneur with good organizational ability will easily win the respect and trust fromof his staff, and quickly make his small company on track. What's more, even there are only five coworkers. By well arranging, they can have more power than the disorder crew of fifty persons. Thus, the ability to organize is the key to derive the potential from the available tool and resource.
In sum, a strategic plan coupled with a solid organization produce a perfect combination, which can help every ambitious young man pursue a better future. The plan is like a compass, while the organization is a walking stick. With these two magic tools, one will dash
through thick and thin without fear.
总体来说举例还是到位的，不过好像没有扣住complex society这个前提，只是泛泛而谈，如果能联系上complex society 会更好。


[ 本帖最后由 xlwxxy 于 2008-12-20 08:14 编辑 ]

达达摩摩UID: 2499908

语言不错 我觉得不到位的是 题目complex society需要点题一下 画龙点睛 就完美啦