【12月-1月IBT综合备考大帖】之【TWE作文】 无音萧 12.19作业

无音萧UID: 2518358

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Modern society has become more complex, so it is essential for the young people to have the ability？

Hardly can people deny that the moderner the society become, the more complex it is. The fast-paced development of society, ranging from science to technology, economy to education, brings tremendous change to people’s life. Some claim that people can relax and have no need to be as able as before because high technology has come into being, which is capable of taking people’s place to do multiple jobs. Whereas, in my mind, it is because the fast-paced development that people should have more ability, especially the young.

To begin with, more and more high technology are invented, such as computer, airplane, which are claimed to be good helpers in our daily life, however, without people’s manipulation, they would worth a dime. Have you seen a computer can function well without people? It needs our help, ranging from turning on and off the computer, to every one piece of work it is going to do. Have you seen a car runs without people’s operation? It is really terrible to imagine that there is a crazy car speeding without a driver. Very dangerous, isn’t it? Since those stiff machines cannot be expected to take our place, we have no choice but to learn more, and possess more ability to change the machine to be a good helper, rather than replacing us throughly. We can use the sofewares like Photoshop, Word, Excel, Powerpoint to contribute to a more effective work, on the premise of our ability to take advantage of them. It can bring convenience to our life on condition that we have a license to drive, so that we don’t need to crowd in a bus, and suffer from the low-speed any more. So, only when we are able enough can we take the most of the high technology.

In addition, the high technology snatch some jobs, while the population is larger and larger, leading to less jobs for more people. What can assure us having jobs to sustain ourselves? Ability, in most cases. The more capable we are, the more competitive we can turn into. An trade company, for example, received two resumes from two graduates majored in Computer, of which candidate A not only have sophisticated computer skills, but also can speak English and Spanish fluently, while candidate B is just excellent in Computer. Who is more likely employed? Obviously, the former one can help the company with computer skills, and play the role of translator as well. In terms of the company, the input-output ratio must be taken into consideration. Consequently, we must learn more ability to reinforce our competitive forces.

What’s more, owning more skills can also good for our life. Computer, airplane, car, washing machine, telephone, all of these things I enumerated can function as a momentum to improve our life. If we grasp the skill to use them, we can be happier, more convenient, and have more time to be with our family or read a wonderful book with a cup of coffee bathing in the afternoon sunshine.

In conclusion, how capable we are, to a great extent, decides the quality of our life. With variety of ability, we can find a good job, make use of the high technology to serve for us. Anyway, owning more ability is superior to possessing little ability.

[ 本帖最后由 无音萧 于 2008-12-19 11:09 编辑 ]

无音萧UID: 2518358

天啊~发现自己看漏了两个词plan and organize~~就将就着我的题目改下吧

nickey0809UID: 2349468

Hardly can people deny that the moderner (more modern) the society becomes, the more complex it is. The fast-paced development of society, ranging from science to technology, economy to education, brings tremendous change to people’s life. Some claim that people can relax and have no need to be as able as （不懂）before because high technology has come into being（形成？？）, which is capable of taking people’s place to do multiple jobs. Whereas, in my mind, it is because the fast-paced development that people should have more ability, especially the young.（it is the fast-paced development that require  more ability of people, especially the young.）第二句就应该切入主题了，还发现你题目都看漏了啊to plan and organize注定这篇文章离题了啊

To begin with, more and more high technology are invented, such as computer, airplane, which are claimed to be good helpers in our daily life, however, without people’s manipulation, they would worth a dime. （建议分论点句要简明扼要）Have you seen a computer can function well without people? It needs our help, ranging from turning on and off the computer, to every one piece of work it is going to do.（中式英语啊，it也指代不明） Have you seen a car runs without people’s operation? It is really terrible to imagine that there is a crazy car speeding without a driver. Very dangerous, isn’t it? （delete）Since those stiff machines cannot be expected to take our place, we have no choice but to learn more, and possess more ability to change the machine to be a good helper, rather than replacing us throughly. We can use the sofewares like Photoshop, Word, Excel, Powerpoint to contribute to a more effective work, on the premise of our ability to take advantage of them. It can bring convenience to our life on condition that we have a license to drive, so that we don’t need to crowd in a bus, and suffer from the low-speed any more. （思路混乱，句子是要为中心服务的）So, only when we are able enough can we take the most of the high technology.（病句啊）

In addition, the high technology snatch some jobs, while the population is larger and larger, leading to less jobs for more people.（这个分论点为了说明什么？？） What can assure us having jobs to sustain ourselves? Ability, in most cases. （chinglish）The more capable we are, the more competitive we can turn into. An trade company, for example, received two resumes from two graduates majored in Computer, of which candidate A not only have (grasp) sophisticated computer skills, but also can speak English and Spanish fluently, while candidate B is just excellent in Computer. Who is more likely( to be) employed? Obviously, the former one can help the company with computer skills, and play the role of translator as well. In terms of the company, the input-output ratio must be taken into consideration. (Nonsense)Consequently, we must learn more ability to reinforce our competitive forces.

What’s more, owning（可以有很多词啊，harness,aquire,possess,master……） more skills can also good for our life. Computer, airplane, car, washing machine, telephone, all of these things I enumerated can function as a momentum（？？你干脆说impetus好了啊,说得通么这句） to improve our life. If we grasp the skill to use them, we can be happier, more convenient, and have more time to be with our family or read a wonderful book with a cup of coffee bathing in the afternoon sunshine.（bad support）

In conclusion, how capable we are, to a great extent, decides the quality of our life. With variety of ability, we can find a good job, make use of the high technology to serve for us. Anyway, owning more ability is superior to possessing little ability.
结论怎么写，一般先概述观点，然后把分论点都提一下，如果有建议或是什么的也能写进去
不过要围绕中心，最好跟开头相呼应
你重新写一篇吧，认真想想怎么论证



可能话说得重了，不过我这人很认真地
还是告诫你1370毕竟不是小数目阿
认真审题！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！
建议先列出各段分论点，简洁一点，也有利于之后围绕分论点进行论证
词汇和句型也有待加强，建议多看一些范文，最好是外国人写得
多熟悉，多模仿
坚持下去，会有很大的进步
刚开始写可以不要限定时间，要保证质量
拿不准的多查字典

共同努力！

[ 本帖最后由 nickey0809 于 2008-12-20 00:40 编辑 ]

mpromanusUID: 2565872

Hardly can people deny that the more moderner the society becomes, the more complex it is. The fast-paced developments of in the society, ranging from science to technology, and economy to education, brings tremendous changes to people’s lives. Some claim that people can relax and have no need to be as able (俺猜你的意思是capable) as before because high advanced technologies have come into being, which is are capable of taking people’s place to doing multiple jobs in people's place. Whereas, in my mind, it is because the fast-paced development that people should have more ability, especially the young. (没有plan and organize..完全偏题，下面只能改语法了..)

To begin with, more and more high technology (同上) are invented, such as computers, airplanes, (电脑和飞机都不是 技术，而是 发明) which are claimed to be good helpers in our daily lives. However, without people’s manipulations, they would not even worth a dime. Have you seen a computer that can function well without people? (很多军用大型主机级别的机器都可以啊..) It needs our help: ranging from turning on and off the computer, to configuring? every one piece of work it is going to do. Have you seen a car that runs without people’s operations? It is really terrible to imagine that there is a crazy car speeding without a driver. Very dangerous, isn’t it? Since those stiff machines cannot be expected to take our places, we have no choice but to learn more, and possess more ability to change the machines to be a good helpers, rather than replacing us thoroughly. We can use the sofewares like Photoshop, Word, Excel, Powerpoint to contribute to a more effective work, on the premise of our ability to take advantages of them. It (What?) can bring convenience to our lives on the condition that we have a licenses to drive, so that we don’t need to crowd in a buses, and suffer from the low-speed any more. So, only when we are able enough can we make the most of the high technology. (是啊，但是这句跟people's manipulations有什么关系啊?)

In addition, the high technology snatch some jobs, while the world? population is larger and larger, leading to less fewer jobs for more people. What can assure us of having jobs to sustain ourselves? Ability, in most cases. (..不要用自问自答的方式写文，很不地道而且显得幼稚.) The more capable we are, the more competitive we can turn into. An trade company, for example, received two resumes from two graduates majored in Computer (Computer what? Computer Engineering? Computer Science? Computer Assembly? Computer alone is NOT a major.), of which candidate A not only have sophisticated computer skills, but also can speak English and Spanish fluently, while candidate B is just excellent in Computer. Who is more likely to be employed? Obviously, the former one can help the company with computer skills, and play the role of a translator as well. In terms of the company, the input-output ratio (?) must be taken into consideration.(是啊，但这跟求职者的ability多少无关啊..如果B的computer skill是公司急需，A的computer skill公司并不急需，你觉得公司会雇谁呢? computer skills这个话题太大了，你这么讨论根本没有可比性.) Consequently, we must learn more abilities to reinforce our competitiveness forces.

What’s more, owning more skills can also be good for our lives. Computers, airplanes, cars, washing machines, telephones: all of these things I enumerated can function as a momentum to improve our lives.(请不要中文直翻..) If we grasp the skills to use them, we can be happier, more convenient (东西才能convenient，人不是用convenient来形容的), and have more time to be with our families or read a wonderful book with a cup of coffee bathing in the afternoon sunshine.

In conclusion, how capable we are, to a great extent, decides the quality of our lives. With a variety of abilities, we can find a good jobs, make use of the high technology to serve for us. Anyway (这是一个不情不愿的词..), owning more ability is superior to possessing little ability.

总结：

请避免用中文的词汇来写。。不会的词不要随便找你认为可以对应的英文单词。。另外请注意单复数问题。。

论述上跑题暂且不说，就算没题目吧，你说了半天全是在讨论硬性能力hard skills，会用电脑，会开飞机，会说外语。。软性能力soft skills呢？接人待物，商务礼仪，统筹规划，领导能力。。素质教育啊素质教育，不是说capable就是有hard skills就万事大吉的。。

xlwxxyUID: 2568970

Hardly can people deny that the moderner the society become, the more complex it is. The fast-paced development of society, ranging from science to technology, economy to education, brings tremendous change to people’s life. Some claim that people can relax and have no need to be as able as before because high technology has come into being, which is capable of taking people’s place to do
multiple jobs. Whereas, in my mind, it is because the fast-paced development that people should have more ability, especially the young.(暂时好像和组织行为没有什么什么关系)

To begin with, more and more high technology are invented, such as computer, airplane, which are claimed to be good helpers in our daily life, however, without people’s manipulation, they would worth a dime. Have you seen a computer can function well without people? It needs our help, ranging from turning on and off the computer, to every one piece of work it is going to do. Have you seen a car runs without people’s operation? It is really terrible to imagine that there is a crazy car speeding without a driver. Very dangerous, isn’t it? Since those stiff machines cannot be expected to take our place, we have no choice but to learn more, and possess more ability to change the machine to be a good helper, rather than replacing us throughly. We can use the sofewares like Photoshop, Word, Excel, Powerpoint to contribute to a more effective work, on the premise of our ability to take advantage of them. It can bring convenience to our life on condition that we have a license to drive, so that we don’t need to crowd in a bus, and suffer from the low-speed any more. So, only when we are able enough can we take the most of the high technology.

In addition, the high technology snatch some jobs, while the population is larger and larger, leading to less jobs for more people. What can assure us having jobs to sustain ourselves? Ability, in most cases. The more capable we are, the more competitive we can turn into. An trade company, for example, received two resumes from two graduates majored in Computer, of which candidate A not only have sophisticated computer skills, but also can speak English and Spanish fluently, while candidate B is just excellent in Computer. Who is more likely employed? Obviously, the former one can help the company with computer skills, and play the role of translator as well. In terms of the company, the input-output ratio must be taken into consideration. Consequently, we must learn more ability to reinforce our competitive forces

What’s more, owning more skills can also good for our life. Computer, airplane, car, washing machine, telephone, all of these things I enumerated can function as a momentum to improve our life. If we grasp the skill to use them, we can be happier, more convenient, and have more time to be with our family or read a wonderful book with a cup of coffee bathing in the afternoon sunshine.

In conclusion, how capable we are, to a great extent, decides the quality of our life. With variety of ability, we can find a good job, make use of the high technology to serve for us. Anyway, owning more ability is superior to possessing little ability.
已经有高手改过语句，我就不多说了。
同上，我认为你也是跑题了。
你只是对现代complex society的定义和辩解，但题目重点是问你要不哟organize和plan。
事实上就算不complet society is， organize和plan也是很重要的。
题目只是在这个前提下强调了其更加重要性。
如果你认为现在科技发达就不用安排行为和计划，我见不到你相关论述，只是表面上描述科技发达和人类进步的现象。
没有讲到组织和计划上来。
加油！

[ 本帖最后由 xlwxxy 于 2008-12-20 08:34 编辑 ]

无音萧UID: 2518358

谢谢各位的认真批改啊~~我写完才发现跑题了~~我会加油的~~