【12月-1月IBT综合备考活动】之12月19日作业 by yuanyua@

yuanyuan@560806UID: 2513323

【12月-1月IBT综合备考活动】之【TWE写作】12月19日作业 by yuanyuan@
12.19日作业Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Modern society has become more complex, so it is essential for the young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

When it comes to young people, quite a few teenagers would claim that young people should do things as they like; yet, in my opinion, there is a rhyme and reason that our youths possess the ability to organize since modern society has become progressively complex.

First of all, mountainous tasks force young people to organize. Modern society is featured as the rush pace. For example, as other typical university students, I am flooded with numerous assignments, reports, and class presentations. For a long time in the past, I felt overwhelmed and frustrated by balancing my experiments, my study and my part-time job. However, this bad situation changes now when I learn to structure my tasks at advance. I do not worried about my mountainous tasks, and all I have to do is to just focus on what I do now, and try my best. Thus, I would not be up, down, here, there, like a cat on red bricks anymore. Hence, my experiences illustrate that plans are a must to youths in modern times.

In addition, organization is like a pole star, directing people’s life. Five years ago, when I prepared my national entering examination. I confused about what I should do, and sometimes I even do not know what to do first. After I organized, I know the deadline of these assignments clearly, and I can prioritize the most significant thing. My friend Tom got me started, now I am addicted in planning things first. Thus I can always finish my school tasks before deadline, and then I become confident. In short, organization is to a young man what water is to fish.

Last but not the least, careful plan offers young people enough time to relax and smell the roses. Every time when I finish my current plan, I feel very satisfied, rewarding myself with curling up in front of television in my rocking chair with a cup of hot tea. Also, planning my life clearly means I would have more them to relax. There is no need think too much about what I have not completed, because I understand these thrives are not my current tasks, and I would definitely finish them in the near future. In conclusion, the importance of plans to young people can never be ignored.

By and large, like almost all the young people, I enjoy organizing and structuring my life because it can be a guide as well as a stress reducer.

hustly0415UID: 2407456

When it comes to young people, quite a few teenagers would claim that young people should do things as they like（这个用wish/like是不是更好些,个人意见）; yet, in my opinion, there is a rhyme and reason that our youths possess（是不是用一个虚拟语气更好些，因为我们是说他们需要有，并不一定已经有了，should possess 如何） the ability to organize since modern society has become progressively complex.

First of all, mountainous tasks force young people to organize. Modern society is featured as the rush pace.（赞一个） For example, as other typical university students, I am flooded with numerous assignments, reports, and class presentations. For a long time in the past, I felt overwhelmed and frustrated by balancing my experiments, my study and my part-time job. However, this bad situation changes now when I learn to structure my tasks at advance（是否是in advance）. I do not worried about my mountainous tasks, and all I have to do is to just focus on what I do now (what I am doing now), and try my best. Thus, I would not be up, down, here, there, like a cat on red bricks anymore. (这个比喻很不错)Hence, my experiences illustrate that plans are a must to youths in modern times

In addition, organization is like a pole star, directing people’s life. Five years ago, when I prepared my national entering examination. I confused about what I should do, and sometimes I even do not know what to do first.（时态有点混乱了，感觉）After I organized, I know the deadline of these （用every 或 each是不是稍微好点）assignments clearly, and I can prioritize the most significant thing. My friend Tom got me started（这句有点不是很明白，也可能是我自己的阅读量太小不能明白，我觉得是不是这样会好点：）, now I am addicted in planning things first. Thus I can always finish my school tasks before deadline, and then I become confident. In short, organization is to a young man what water is to fish.(赞一个)

Last but not the least, careful plan offers young people enough time to relax and smell the roses. Every time when I finish my current plan, I feel very satisfied, rewarding myself with curling up in front of television in my rocking chair with a cup of hot tea. Also, planning my life clearly means I would have more them to relax. There is no need （加个to？） think too much about what I have not completed, because I understand these thrives are not my current tasks, and I would definitely finish them in the near future（according to the plan 如何）. In conclusion, the importance of plans to young people can never be ignored（ignored 是不是改成overweighed更好？）

By and large, like almost all the young people, I enjoy organizing and structuring my life because it can be a guide as well as a stress reducer.

总的来讲，文章写得不错，“高级词汇”和新颖句式都使用得比较多，尤其要赞一个的是，其中的那个比如句，集比如和特殊句式于一身。段落之间的过渡也不错。，文章基本上没有什么错别字词。这个是我应该好好学习的。但偶尔出现时态弄混的情况。

从论证的角度来讲，文章选取的三个点都很好，例子用的自己的，也很不错。不过，个人感觉，第三段directing people’s life 那个点，所举的例子感觉对这个支持不是很有力，其实还是有点像支持你第一个理由的例子。Directing people’s life 个人感觉，有点像人生规划层面的东西。举例子的时候是不是可以往这个方向靠。

我本来作文就不咋的，不过，还是硬着头皮在这里评论你的作文。说得不对的地方，见谅，呵呵。大家相互学习，共同进步。

[ 本帖最后由 hustly0415 于 2008-12-20 17:13 编辑 ]

ningstoryUID: 2548108

When it comes to young people, quite a few teenagers would claim that young people should do things as they like; yet, in my opinion, there is a rhyme and reason that our youths possess the ability to organize since modern society has become progressively complex.

First of all, mountainous tasks force young people to organize. Modern society is featured as the rush pace. For example, (For me更恰当些) as other typical university students, I am flooded with numerous assignments, reports, and class presentations. For a long time in the past, I felt overwhelmed and frustrated by balancing my experiments, my study and my part-time job. However, this bad situation changes now when I learn to structure my tasks at advance. I do not worried about my mountainous tasks, and all I have to do is to just focus on what I do now, and try my best. Thus, I would not be up, down, here, there, like a cat on red bricks anymore（这个比喻很好哦）. Hence, my experiences illustrate that plans are a must（改为necessary更好些） to youths in modern times
In addition, organization is like a pole star, directing people’s life. Five years ago, when I prepared my national entering examination. I confused about what I should do, and sometimes I even do not know what to do first. After I organized, I know the deadline of these assignments clearly, and I can prioritize the most significant thing. My friend Tom got me started, now I am addicted in planning things first. Thus I can always finish my school tasks before deadline, and then I become confident. In short, organization is to a young man what（as）water is to fish.
Last but not the least, careful plan offers young people enough time to relax and smell the roses. Every time when I finish my current plan, I feel very satisfied, rewarding myself with curling up in front of television in my rocking chair with a cup of hot tea. Also, planning my life clearly means I would have more them to relax. There is no need think too much about what I have not completed, because I understand these thrives are not my current tasks, and I would definitely finish them in the near future. In conclusion, the importance of plans to young people can never be ignored.

By and large, like almost all the young people, I enjoy organizing and structuring my life because it can be a guide as well as a stress reducer。

LZ写的很好，比喻用的很恰当，论证也很充分，语法错误也比较少。我认为是一篇佳作！

yuanyuan@560806UID: 2513323

辛苦了，谢谢。提的建议真好！:handshake

Amber0926UID: 2555355

感觉楼主写得不错。看得出是经过训练，结构和语言都不错，尤其每段提出论点、举例、给出总结性语句很不错
只是语言方面感觉有的还不太地道，学习过模仿的痕迹能看的出
总结，总体有很多值得学习的地方，我作文水平也一般，希望有机会:loveliness: 相互学习交流

yuanyuan@560806UID: 2513323

:handshake 好啊好啊