【12月-1月IBT综合备考活动】之【TWE写作】12月23日作文 team project

nickey0809UID：2349468

12.23日作业 大学往往让学生通过TEAM WORK完成PROJECT,然后给TEAM MEMBER打上同

                  样的分数,你觉得这样好吗? （08.1.19）

Nowadays, universities use various forms to evaluate students, one pattern is to accomplish a given project for a limited period by a team of several stuents, then give the team members the same mark which bases on the quality the project they have finished. Someone alleged that it's unfair because one may spent more time and energy on the task or distribute more while some other is prone to idleness, which will eventually promote bad study habit, prevent innovation and damage the morale. However logical it sounds, it only skins the surface of the problem. I tend to insist that the type of assessment has its reason to some extent.

Firstly, the essential and target of this education style is not to encourage student to achieve a excellent score, but to urge students to learn how to behavior in a team. I won't deny that different person might complete different radio of the job and their capabilities vary. But the mark they get is somewhat meaningless in their future, what benefit them a lot is to have a opportunity to cultivate their team spirit, to cooperate with each other and hang together as a group, to plan and organize, to strive for their common goal. These abilities is indispensable for every teenage to grasp, which are also as appraisal indicators in the job interview when they are out of the ivory tower.

Secondly, no matter how talented and gifted you evaluate yourself, the rule is: your team fail, your fail. As the society today is becoming more and more complex, the fundamental unit of economy is not the individual, but the collective of different size. Personal heroism is no longer prevailing. If one would realize his own value, he must work hard to improve the competitiveness of his team. In other word, only will the team thrive itself and become more profitable and flourishing by all staff's endeavor, its members would gain in both fame and wealth. Thus, this pattern of education assessment is actually a simulation of their future career and help students have everything in readiness for an early start.

Moreover, as the famous saying goes, "one good turn deserves another". At first glance, every team member gets nothing but the same mark. After seriously consideration, we may easily find that the student who is diligent and contributes more to the task has more practice opportunity and quickly enhances his personal qualities. By contrast, the lazy one will regret his inefficiency and idleness one day.

In sum, I do think the above way of education is beneficial for student. It not only help the student adjust to the team work, but also show them the rule of the society and offer a good start. What’s more, it's a valid mean to separate the little successful people from the average.

[ 本帖最后由 nickey0809 于 2008-12-24 22:58 编辑 ]

xlwxxyUID：2568970

Nowadays, universities use various forms to evaluate students, one pattern is to accomplish a given project for a limited period by a team of several stuents, then give the team members the same mark which bases on the quality the project they have finished. Someone alleged that it's unfair because one may spent more time and energy on the task or distribute more while some other is prone to idleness, which will eventually promote bad study habit, prevent innovation and damage the morale. However logical it sounds, it only skins the surface of the problem. I tend to insist that the type of assessment has its reason to some extent.

Firstly, the essential and target of this education style is not to encourage student to achieve a excellent score, but to urge students to learn how to behavior in a team. I won't deny that different person might complete different radio of the job and their capabilities vary. But the mark they get is somewhat meaningless in their future, what benefit them a lot is to have a opportunity to cultivate their team spirit, to cooperate with each other and hang together as a group, to plan and organize, to strive for their common goal. These abilities is indispensable for every teenage to grasp, which are also as appraisal indicators in the job interview when they are out of the ivory tower.

Secondly, no matter how talented and gifted you evaluate yourself, the rule is: your team fail, your fail. As the society today is becoming more and more complex, the fundamental unit of economy is not the individual, but the collective of different size. Personal
heroism is no longer prevailing. If one would realize his own value, he must work hard to improve the competitiveness of his team. In other word, only will the team thrive itself and become more profitable and flourishing by all staff's endeavor, its members would gain in both fame and wealth. Thus, this pattern of education assessment is actually a simulation of their future career and help students have everything in readiness for an early start.

Moreover, as the famous saying goes, "one good tern deserves another". At first glance, every team member gets nothing but the same mark. After seriously consideration, we may easily find that the student who is diligent and contributes more to the task has more practice opportunity and quickly enhances his personal qualities. By contrast, the lazy one will regret his inefficiency and idleness one day.

In sum, I do think the above way of education is beneficial for student. It not only help the student adjust to the team work, but also show them the rule of the society and offer a good start. What’s more, it's a valid mean to separate the little successful people from the average
如有其它的词最好不要用first second 如果用也要最后是third。
用的词丰富，不过好像读起来不是很顺。
好像只说了合作的重要性没有说打分不同的好处比较，没有让步。


[ 本帖最后由 xlwxxy 于 2008-12-24 13:32 编辑 ]

mpromanusUID：2565872

Nowadays, universities use various forms to evaluate students: one pattern is to accomplish a given project for in a limited period by a team of several stuents, (accomplish project的是学生，而你这句话的one pattern前面的主语是universities..如果句子中间主语换了，要把新主语明确地提出来，而不是像这样放到句子最后才让读者恍然大悟原来主语已经变了怪不得这句子读着莫名其妙呢..) then give the team members the same mark which based (分数是不会自己base自己on什么东西的..另外这一半的主语又换回universities了，所以你整个句子主语完全是混乱的，不如拆开成几个清楚的短句.) on the quality the project they have finished. Someone alleged that it's unfair because one may spend more time and energy on the task or distribute (你是想说contribute吧..?) more while some another is prone to idleness, which will eventually promote bad study habits, prevent innovation and damage the morale of the students? (如果你要用定冠词the,你就要qualify冠词后面的名词). However logical it sounds, it only skins the surface of the problem. I tend to insist (insist是一个语气颇为强烈的词，所以通常不说tend to insist来保留语气 - 不要把中文里像 倾向于坚持 这种被普遍接受的模棱两可的话带进来) that this type of assessment has its reasons to some extent.

Firstly, the essential and target (Either 'essence and target' or 'essential target'.) of this education style is not to encourage students to achieve a excellent score, but to urge students to learn how to behave in a team. I won't deny that different persons might complete different radio (???) of the job and their capabilities vary. But the mark they get is somewhat meaningless in their future. what benefit them a lot is to have an opportunity to cultivate their team spirit, to cooperate with each other and hang together as a group, to plan and organize, to strive for their common goal. These abilities is (..你在写这句的时候真的没有一点点不太正确的感觉吗?..) indispensable for every teenager to grasp, which are also as appraisal indicators in the job interviews when they are out of the ivory tower. (问题是问给所有人一样的分数好不好，而不是给的分数有没有用..你说这个分数没有用，teamwork才是有用的东西，但这不能完全说明这么给分对学生好还是不好。你需要明确指出你讨论的是这个给分的方法的意义，而不是分数本身的意义..)

Secondly, no matter how talented and gifted you evaluate yourself to be, the rule is: your team fails, your fail. As the society today is becoming more and more complex, the fundamental unit of economy is not the individual, but the collectives of different size (? Do you mean 'collectives that have different sizes' or 'collectives of people that are differently sized'?). Personal heroism is no longer prevailing. If one would realize his own value, he must work hard to improve the competitiveness of his team. In other word, only will when the team thrives itself (I notice that you've used this combination - thrive oneself - twice. It's wrong. 'thrive' is a vi, therefore you can't 'thrive something'.) and becomes more profitable and flourishing by all staff's endeavors, its members would gain in both fame and wealth. Thus, this pattern of education assessment is actually a simulation of their future career and help students have everything in readiness for an early start. (这是正确的讨论切入点 - 像上一段的评语提到的，你需要讨论的是这个给分的方法的意义。在这一段里你在总结的句子中明确指出了这一点，所以这一段是一个非常好的论述。但上一段除了第一句之外没有紧扣住这一点，尤其是结尾没有重新切到这一点上，所以说着说着变成看起来好像你在讨论别的东西.)

Moreover, as the famous saying goes, "one good turn deserves another". At first glance, every team member gets nothing but the same mark. After seriously consideration, we may easily find that the student who is diligent and contributes more to the task has more practice opportunity and quickly enhances his personal qualities. By contrast, the lazy one will regret his inefficiency and idleness one day. (这一段又没有扣题了..而且实在已经是跑题了..)

In sum, I do think the above way of education is beneficial for students. It not only helps the students adjust to the team work, but also shows them the rules of the society and offers a good start (in what?). What’s more, it's a valid mean to separate the little few successful people from the average. (你的第三论点段并没有明确提到这一个论点啊..)

总结:

语言上有一些因为搞错词性而用错词的现象，另外请注意检查单复数和定冠词的使用。

论述方面，请随时记得紧扣题目和主要论点。具体的表现和做法已经在每一段结尾的评语中说了。走题与否是很容易被读者看出来但很不容易被作者看出来的，所以请在检查文章的时候以一个读者的态度去看 - 假设自己对题目中提到的东西没有任何了解，也对作者的意图没有任何期望 - 这样比较容易看出自己有没有走题。