Argument111【0906G ANap Hand 作文互改小组】第一次作业 by doherty

stupidken2oUID: 2541049

111The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of marketing at Dura-Sock, Inc.

"A recent study of Dura-Sock wearers suggests that our company is wasting the money it spends on its patented "Endure" manufacturing process, which ensures that our socks are strong enough to last for two years. Dura-Sock has always advertised its use of the "Endure" process, but the new study shows that the average Dura-Sock customer actually purchases new Dura-Socks every three months. Furthermore, Dura-Sock customers surveyed in our largest market, northeastern United States cities, say that they most value Dura-Sock's stylish appearance and availability in many colors. These findings suggest that Dura-Sock can increase its profits by discontinuing its use of the "Endure" manufacturing process."
套用了下模板。。。BS我吧
（1）        一项最近的消费者调查显示，他们提议我们公司在耐久工艺上浪费钱。调查的人群是什么，什么背景决定什么样的消费模式，我们公司不能失去低端消费者，这是一项长久的发展战略
（2）        仅仅是东北地区的调查不能代表全市场，或者我们应该根据市场情况的特殊性而针对性的作出战略，而不是一叶障目
In this memo, the vice president of marketing at Dura-Sock, Inc recommends discontinuing its use of the “Endure” manufacturing process in order to increase its profits. To support this, the vice president cites several facts: (1)a recent study shows that the average Dura-Sock customer actually purchases new Dura-Sock every three months though the socks have great quality are strong enough to last for two years, and wears suggest that our company is wasting the money it spends on its patented "Endure" manufacturing process. (2) The survey in the largest market in northeastern United States shows that the customers mostly value Dura-Sock’s stylish appearance and availability in many colors. Close scrutiny of each of these facts, however, reveals that none of them lend credible support to the recommendation.

To begin with, the wearers’ suggestion in recent survey does not necessarily indicate that all the customers of our company uphold the same opinion. People from different cultural backgrounds and different social classes have different demand for consumption. Perhaps the wearers surveyed are mostly from wealthy class, they are extravagant and luxurious, for that matter, they think it’s not necessary to devote so much money in the “Endure” manufacturing process. However, people from low-income class are frugal and abstentious; they want the socks to be strong enough to last as soon as possible, even more than two years. In short, until surveying all the customers from different fields we can not accept the suggestion easily.

Furthermore, the survey in northeastern United States can not present the whole country. As far as I know, the northeastern is the richest part of United States. Maybe people in this area prefer stylish appearance and availability in many colors than people from other areas. So, it’s not typical enough to be the evidence to make the conclusion that we should discontinue the use of the "Endure" manufacturing process. To be honest, we should make different market strategies on the basis of different area. What’s more, people’s capability of consumptions and favors of fashion should also be involved in consideration.

To sum up, the recommendation from surveyed customers is not persuasive and powerful enough, which render it unconvincing as it stands. To bolster the recommendation, the vice president should make an amply general survey of people’s favor and the capability of consumption. In this way, the conclusion acquired would be more convincing and persuasive.

goingeastUID: 2439824

In this memo, the vice president of marketing at Dura-Sock, Inc recommends discontinuing its use of the “Endure” manufacturing process in order to increase its profits. To support this, the vice president cites several facts: (1) a recent study shows that the average Dura-Sock customer actually purchases new Dura-Sock every three months though the socks have great quality are strong enough to last for two years, and wears suggest that our company is wasting the money it spends on its patented "Endure" manufacturing process. (2) The survey in the largest market in northeastern United States shows that the customers mostly value Dura-Sock’s stylish appearance and availability in many colors. Close scrutiny of each of these facts, however, reveals that none of them lend credible support to the recommendation. [这样的开头略显冗长，这确实很没劲]

To begin with, the wearers’ suggestion in recent survey does not necessarily indicate that all the customers of our company uphold the same opinion. People from different cultural backgrounds and different social classes have different demand for consumption. Perhaps the wearers surveyed are mostly from wealthy class, they are extravagant and luxurious, for that matter, they think it’s not necessary to devote so much money in the “Endure” manufacturing process.[这个推导不对，你怎么知道有钱就不在乎] However, people from low-income class are frugal and abstentious; they want the socks to be strong enough to last as soon as possible, even more than two years. In short, until surveying all the customers from different fields we can not accept the suggestion easily.

Furthermore, the survey in northeastern United States can not present the whole country. ①As far as I know, the northeastern is the richest part of United States. ②Maybe people in this area prefer stylish appearance and availability in many colors than people from other areas，这两点有什么关系，你提出①，应该是②的前提吧，但两者没有多大关系. So, it’s not typical enough to be the evidence to make the conclusion that we should discontinue the use of the "Endure" manufacturing process. To be honest, we should make different market strategies on the basis of different area. What’s more, people’s capability of consumptions and favors of fashion should also be involved in consideration.

To sum up, the recommendation from surveyed customers is not persuasive and powerful enough, which render it unconvincing as it stands. To bolster the recommendation, the vice president should make an amply general survey of people’s favor and the capability of consumption. In this way, the conclusion acquired would be more convincing and persuasive.[完全模板式结尾，以后可以改改形成自己的风格]

还是逻辑问题，两段不就是说一个问题吗，不就是说这个样本不能代表全体么，有些人不在乎endure，有些人在乎endure，只不过两个分开了，文章还有很多逻辑错误啊，比如说
1.The arguer neglect the effect of advertisement and determinant causes for the buyers to choose DS, although the customers most value DS's stylish apperance and availability in many colors, what attract them and made them choose DS are due to advertisement and edurance of DS, since many other company can also provide the same stylish apperance and availability.
2. No evidence shows customers do not care about edurance.
a.customers purchases new DS every three months does not mean they have no demand in endurance.
b.the customers most value DS's stylish apperance and availability in colors does not mean they do not care about edurance. 3.the survey lacks universality, the market in other places should be considered. status in northeeastern US does not present the whole market demand.
4.discontinuing its use of the "Endure" manufacturing process does automatically follow that profit of DS inc will increase. 这些都可以写，argument的题不同，但是逻辑错误都是一样的。楼主多看看其他人提纲，和范文结构。

stupidken2oUID: 2541049

开头是照搬了下模板，第2段的那个推导是perhaps，第三段我想表达的意思是美国东北部是最繁华的地段，所以人们的审美潮流相对就前沿很多，因此人们会比较看重style和appearance。结尾我觉得也得有些改进，谢谢虫子的拍砖，逻辑上的问题我必须多看点作文之后才能慢慢积累，刚开始，需要走很长的路，谢谢

goingeastUID: 2439824

原帖由 stupidken2o 于 2009-1-1 21:31 发表
第三段我想表达的意思是美国东北部是最繁华的地段，所以人们的审美潮流相对就前沿很多，因此人们会比较看重style和appearance。

如果你把这个加上，不就很清楚了么？