Argument35 【0906G 文以载道三月四月小组】第一周第二次作业 on paooozhixia163

gewangUID: 2186573

【题目】
Argument35
Thefollowing appeared in the summary of a study on headaches suffered by theresidents of Mentia.
"Salicylates（水杨酸脂） are members of the same chemicalfamily as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods arenaturally rich in salicylates, for the past several decades food-processingcompanies have also been adding salicylates to foods as preservatives. Thisrise in the commercial use of salicylates has been found to correlate with asteady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants inour twenty-year study. Recently, food-processing companies have found thatsalicylates can also be used as flavor additives（食品香料） for foods. With this new use for salicylates, we canexpect a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by theaverage citizen of Mentia."
中文翻译：
水杨酸酯和用来治疗头痛的药物--阿司匹林是同一类化合物。尽管很多食品天然富含水杨酸酯，过去几十年中食品加工公司仍然在食品中加入它来作为防腐剂。这种水杨酸酯在商业上的使用被发现与我们为期20年研究的参加者所报告的头痛发病的平均数量下降是相关的。最近，食品加工公司发现水杨酸酯也可以被用作食品香料。根据这种水杨酸酯的新用途，我们可以预期Mentia居民患头痛症的数量将会持续稳步下降。
【提纲】
错误链：
A可治头疼，S和A是一类-> 研究表明S的高含量和头疼的关系 -> 食品加工厂可作香料 -> M市的人头疼比率会下降
论点：
1.       A可治头疼，S和A是一类，那S就可以用来当药治头疼吗？就算可以，药不是应该严格按照医用说明按时间和剂量来服用，但是加在食品中，不是想什么时候吃就什么时候吃、想吃多少就吃多少？(赞,这个说明很好) 显然不是这样。
2.       研究的可靠性(20年？是否健康？年龄和职业？说不定在20年前他们都是上班族工作压力大容易头疼，现在退休休息多了，都好了？)那就算是真的头疼率有下降，那其他得病了吗？
3.       食品加工厂说S可用作香料？并且要再次加进食品里出售，没有专业权威机构提供证实S的无害性，和人能承受的范围？
结论：
这么多关于S的不确定性疑问，涉及到消费者的健康，没解决食品加工厂就贸然的要使用S，食品加工厂这样做不是为了自己的经济利益，那为什么？呼吁有关部门加强食品卫生检测，不要让消费者无辜受害。

The summery claims that Salicylates is a medicine used to treatheadaches,(这篇的总的结论是:S的新用途会继续平稳地降低居民平均头疼,而不是S能否用作药) appears to be well-presented at thefirst glance, but not well-reasoned. The author fails to settle some essentialcruces that even if the residents of Mentia who suffer from headaches wouldbenefit a lot from S, but we couldn’t concludethat S could be used for medicals.(这句写太长了, but的转折易引起误解)
Theinformation of the study provided, such as the respondents’ situation and their natural heritage (写具体些吧，而且heritage在此处不当), is insufficient to justify the correlation (这个correlation是什么？), consideringthat is a root of the argument （没必要写，就算写的话调整下和前面的话的顺序）. Asfor the respondents (去掉), could they(the respondents) represent the entire group ofpeople? (Such as) Middle-aged people, with theincreased risk of headaches under the working pressure twenty years ago, couldpossibly decrease the (havea lower) risk now, since they have retired and have leisure (more spare) timeto take (do more) exercises, so as to keep headaches from them (多余了). Or maybe they are the kind of (people) whoare doing brainwork all day, thus they are the group that prone to getheadaches. Without any specific situation of the respondents, the argumentcould not convince us that the study is carried out by the authority of foodfield; maybe the responders be misled by the study that support(supports)the food-processing companies. (这段前面驳斥的不错，但是所写的结论跳跃太大)

Aswe all know, A is used to a medicine to cure headachesthat is accepted by medical authority (语序不当,看起来像是 that指代headaches的, used as a medicine tocure headaches, A is accepted by medical authority). However,the dose of the medical use should be strictly controlled. Either excessivenessor insufficiency will be harmful to medical-takers (这句好). The passage has mentioned that (as mentioned in this passage,) S is member of the same chemicalfamily as A and food-processing companies have also been adding salicylates tofoods as preservatives. In the circumstances, we could buy and eat S containedin the food whenever we need , and (去掉)even we could cram it if we wish. Some sufferswith unconsciousness may had (have) had food that contains S (这句好混乱的说建议分成两句话表达), although they are health enough and needn’t to takemedical. What’s worse more, is that (去掉) they will get ill after they takeit. Now the company is continuing to add S as flavor additives to the food, without formal authentication from any specializedinstitution or organization (这个结论下的有点无理取闹了). Their expectation, acontinued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the averagecitizen of Mentia, seems to be (去掉, seem后可直接加adj的说) unbelievable. In addition, the government should take someinvestigations in the company in order to make sure that weather there are someeconomic profits under the company’s aboveboard surface.

Inconclusion, some crucial points about the food security that threaten thecitizens’ health are remaining undetermined; the government of M should takesome measures to protect its citizens’ safety and health. On the other hand,food inspection should enact a law that explicitly provides the food standards.

PS：提纲写的挺好的啊，但是为什么正文完全没按照提纲的顺序来？

【参考链接】
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=908579&page=1&extra=page%3D1#pid1772208784

[ 本帖最后由 gewang 于 2009-1-12 12:41 编辑 ]