Issue221【六人作文小组】第2周第5次作业

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Issue221: the chief benefit of the study of history is to break down the illusion that people in one period of time are significantly different from people who lived at any other time in history.

What is the destination we focus on history and what we have mainly acquired from learning history? Do we only regard history as the way to distinguish today from other period of time? From my personal angle alone, I should say approaching history is unique for us to understand people living in different times and I insist on history, leaving from our ancestors, is precious treasure to human beings.

Obviously most of us have been conscious of the difference between different periods of time. The stage of history determines people living in various times are necessary diversity. For the developing and changing passing day, things that have never been saw even knew enter into our view step by step. One hundred years ago human beings did not know what was electricity, but today we not only grasp the theories but also apply it to everywhere of our life. Electricity offers us light and the motivation of machines. Because of the discovery of electricity, we can enjoy ourselves in KTV, relax and relieve ourselves in listening IPod and watching movies when we feel tied after intense work, also we can chat with friends who are in long distance relationship with us through internet Skype. Comparing to past, facts reflect the tremendous progress in life, as well as a much more improvement on production, history reminds us continue to seek for a better condition.  

Fundamentally, history helps us to avoid repeating same mistakes before. Facing to one same problem, it is definitely that there exist various attitudes in two periods of time. Throughout recorded history, when mentioning homosexuals, most people revealed an evasive attitude, even offensive, and this attitude significantly influenced homosexuals’ relationship because few people were willing to touch them actively. This condition leads to negative attitude for life ultimately some of homosexuals’ suicide. However, today, coincident with the tireless efforts of biologists and psychologists on homosexuality is increasing visibility, recognition and legal rights, including marriage and civil unions, parenting rights, and equal access to health care.

On the other hand, we hold the basic human nature and same culture with our ancestors, thus we could inherit the cultural tradition, beliefs, and customs which are still worth of being retold and keeping for next generations to come. Also, there is much evidence of experience same problems today with past time in history. Such problems include human rights, environment, social security and wars. Apparently, some recommend from history could be used for solving or refer to a broader situation. The Art of War is a Chinese military treatise that was written during the 6th century BC by Sun Tzu. It is the first and one of the most successful works on strategy and has had a huge influence on Eastern and Western military thinking, business tactics, and beyond. The book was translated into sorts of languages and Leaders as diverse as Mao Zedong, General Vo Nguyen Giap, and General Douglas MacArthur have claimed to have drawn inspiration from the work.

Overall, the chief benefit of history is not illusion, it stimulates reminding us to engrave belief to heart and positive attitude of chasing for truth.


[ 本帖最后由 corpuscle 于 2009-1-18 10:38 编辑 ]

corpuscleUID: 2503411

文章的格式不对，我给你改过来了
看一下置顶帖发帖格式要求和解锁办法

corpuscleUID: 2503411

Issue221: the chief benefit of the study of history is to break down the illusion that people in one period of time are significantly different from people who lived at any other time in history.

What is the destination (purpose) we focus on history and what we have mainly acquired from learning history? Do we only（文章是chief，改变题目的意思了） regard history as the way to distinguish today from other period of time?(提问式开头，看到这里，我觉得你的文章应该是照应这三个问题的吧？先看下去) From my personal angle alone, I should say approaching history is unique（studying history is the only way） for us to understand people living in different times and I insist on history, leaving from our ancestors, is precious treasure to human beings.说说这段的问题，提问式开头是为了把读者引导你所讨论的范畴，既然你提问了，最好在开头就给出答案，一来亮明观点，二来直来直去。我现在假设你打算把答案放正文里，但老美子好像不喜欢拐弯抹角。而且这个题目的难点是chief，但是从你开头段来看，我暂时还没看出这个chief的意思

Obviously most of us have been conscious of the difference between different periods of time. The stage of history determines people living in various times are necessary diversity（这个因果关系是正确的吗？人们在不同时期，在某些地方是不同的，比如生活方式，但这个是历史决定的吗？应该是科学、技术等方便决定的吧？这里只能说是现象，但不是历史决定的）. For the developing and changing passing day, things that have never been saw even knew enter into our view step by step. One hundred years ago human beings did not know what was electricity, but today we not only grasp the theories but also apply it to everywhere of our life. Electricity offers us light and the motivation of machines. Because of the discovery of electricity, we can enjoy ourselves in KTV, relax and relieve ourselves in listening IPod and watching movies when we feel tied after intense work, also we can chat with friends who are in long distance relationship with us（去掉）through internet Skype.（这些论证是很有说服力的，但是你的论证没有显示出difference这个主题。过去没有电，现在发明了电。OK，下面说电给人们带来了什么，你后面再补充一句，这些便利是过去没有的） Comparing to past, facts reflect the tremendous progress in life, as well as a much more improvement on production, history reminds（这个也不是历史提醒的吧，这个来自于人类追求社会进步） us continue to seek for a better condition.  看来你这一段是否定文章的观点，不同时代的人们是不一样的。
Fundamentally, history helps us to avoid repeating same mistakes before. Facing to one same problem, it（前后一致啊） is definitely that there exist various attitudes in two periods of time. Throughout recorded history, when mentioning homosexuals, most people revealed an evasive attitude, even offensive, and this attitude significantly influenced homosexuals’ relationship because few people were willing to touch them actively. This condition leads to negative attitude for life ultimately some of homosexuals’ suicide. However, today, coincident with the tireless efforts of biologists（？生物学家研究这个？） and psychologists on homosexuality is increasing visibility, recognition and legal rights, including marriage and civil unions, parenting rights, and equal access to health care.你自己觉得这个素材合适吗？同性恋观念的变化是因为研究历史的原因吗？是属于避免错误再次发生的范畴吗？历史类的题目确实不好写，写来写去就那几个观点，用的例子也无非是避免战争、建立人生观之类的。也许你是想换一个素材，不过你这个素材，我感觉不合适。

On the other hand, we hold thebasic human nature and same culture（看到这一段，我觉得这个和你的B1冲突了，前面说不同时期人们不同，现在又说不同时期人们的天性是一样的。即使不算你前后矛盾，但肯定是削弱你的主题的） with our ancestors, thus we could inherit the cultural tradition, beliefs, and customs which are still worth of being retold and keeping for next generations to come. Also, there is much evidence of experience same problems today with past time in history（和上段重复）. Such problems include human rights, environment, social security and wars. Apparently, some recommend（vt） from history could be used for solving or refer to a broader situation. The Art of War is a Chinese military treatise that was written during the 6th century BC by Sun Tzu. It is the first and one of the most successful works on strategy and has had a huge influence on Eastern and Western military thinking, business tactics, and beyond. The book was translated into sorts of languages and Leaders as diverse as Mao Zedong, General Vo Nguyen Giap, and General Douglas MacArthur have claimed to have drawn inspiration from the work.这一段写的不好，一个是削弱主题，另外一个是重复

Overall, the chief benefit of history is not illusion这一句表达的有问题, it stimulates reminding us to engrave belief to heart and positive attitude of chasing for truth这两个结论从何而来？你的主体段没有论证出这个观点啊.

我从各个方面来说吧~！
主题：不明确，前面说历史揭示不同时代是不同的，历史是人类的财富。主题段既论证不同时期人们是不同的，又说人类有同样的共性，也说历史防止错误重复发生。结尾段突然说研究历史的主要好处不是幻觉，主要是让我们追求真理。文章的关键词chief也没有论证出来
结构：从你的主题上看，应该是转折或者让步，但你的结构看起来是并列的
论证：B1论证有点不符合主题句，尤其是那个difference
素材：B2的素材感觉不合适~~！
加油~~！