Issue130【0906G 文以载道三月四月作文小组】第2周第3作业 by 阿狸

阿狸UID: 2587762

"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

1，1题干所述虽略有欠妥，决定社会未来命运的不只是社会化，还有其他很多因素，但毫无疑问，社会化对社会的未来是至关重要的。
2，2一个安定和谐的社会必然需要社会公民高度的社会化，他们应当知道自己在社会中应担负的责任并且履行义务，社会如果不能长治久安，人民不能相亲相爱，那么这个社会的前途就令人担忧。
3，3从目前教育情况来看，我们在对孩子们的科学文化教育方面做得不错，但在如何培养孩子成为团体中一员并有效支持团体运作方面仍有缺失。
4，4既然社会化如此重要，我们就需要改革相关教育体制，加强对孩子们团队精神的培养。

The statement asserts that the extent to which children are socialized has a determinant effect on society’s destiny, which may be regarded a little far from the reality fact by some people. It can be taken for sure that there exist so many factors such as a humane heart, a persistent will, and an intellectual mind and so on other than socialization that may play an elementary role in an individual’s development which will later be reflected in the whole society’s evolvement. While this is true, the significance of socialization in this honored process should be even much more emphasized than ever before since we need this socialization so desperately that if we cannot handle the matter of socializing our children properly, we might be facing threats such as more wars, abundant inefficient teamwork, a lot more people committing suicide due to their mental problems which may be caused by a lack of confidence or diplomatic skills in social situations. Undoubtedly, the position of socialization is indispensable in both individual’s and the whole society’s future.
A steady and promising society, in every sense, should have its people living a secured life at first. What if a lot of people are not adequately and properly socialized in a society? The troubles and hatred that may be brought to the table must be beyond our wildest imagination. A doctor who is not well socialized in his childhood and youth won’t be an absolutely satisfying one. He might be not aware of his responsibility towards his patients and the society. Despite his wonderful mastery of the necessary treating knowledge and skills, with this lack of sensitivity and respect to his sacred job, how can we take it for granted that the doctor will treat every patient carefully and efficiently? The answer is as clear as the sunshine at noon. That a soldier has been praised for his excellent performance in an imitated combat does not necessarily mean that he would be a brave land protector or a trustable teammate in an empirical war. Were this person not conscious of his social position, he might not love his patriots and might be lured into betraying his nation for the enemy’s providing benefits to him. In this condition, we won’t be living a life of welfare. When doctors and soldiers are not serious about the people they should have seriously treated, our life security is undoubtedly threatened. Without the basic requirement for people’s living, how can we expect for further development of our society? As I see it, the indispensable position of the socialization of our next generation is of undeniable emergence.
Unfortunately, just as the issue states, we parents have not acquired enough knowledge to cultivate the children into a well prepared individual for society. As many cases reported indicate, a considerable amount of adolescents who are addicted to indoor activities such as surfing Internet, playing video games, and reading comics have been diagnosed with mental problems. This group of youth is representative of people who are not properly socialized. Parents provide their children with delicate food and clothes, well packed text books, while ignoring to teach them the way to live independently in a real world. Engaged in forcing students to study as hard as they can to obtain the admission to a famous university, high school teachers fail to inspire students to develop themselves into all-round persons. So socialization is seldom paid enough attention in current society, evidently. When students entered university or the real world, they will find themselves inefficient in cooperating with teammates. Thus, what is left in their mind is merely the sense of peer competition as well as self concentration. In a society where people cannot coordinate with each other, how can we not expect nations to fight, wars to happen?
To sum up, we can safely come to the conclusion that important as socialization is, revolutionary measures have to be taken in education system to foster the spirit of teamwork and cooperation , that is, a crucial part of socialization, in young people’s physical and mental fulfillment so that we can have hope for a better society.

=。=

我觉得存在的问题有
1 用来用去还是那么几个恶心词汇
2 没有闪光句式
3 没有convincing examples
4 结构不干脆（虽然我自己觉得很干脆）

欢迎拍砖吖～～