Issue143【0906G ANap Hand 作文互改小组】第三次作业 bygoingeast

goingeastUID: 2439824

Where there is a thing be pushed to public, there is always a criticism, no matter what is, let alone works of art. From professionals to hobbyists, artists often cite "personal creative expression" as their motive for making art. However, I indeed think that constructive, not destructive, criticisms of the works are necessary and helpful, which can make artists think their works more open and profound.

Actually, we know that when artists conceive in mind, the work, like a mirror, illuminate more clearly their own feelings of self-worth. No matter music, paintings. And even the novels and films can reflect the character of an age. Beethoven, for instance, his masterpieces “Fate” is full of composer’s adamant feeling. And a novel “One Hundred Years of Solitude” is a history, bloody history of colony of South America, like a news report about the whole century of South America.

Nevertheless, self-worth or spirit of the times more or less limits artists to think in various ways. This can not be avoided. The critics become indispensable at some extent, their remarkable thought, looking at a piece of work from different angles may give some good advices to the artist. Take Tang Prose of China for example, there is a time that prose writers tended to much more attention to form than content, using very ornate and peculiarly artificial language with many balanced couplets. The famous critic, Liu Zongyuan, after reading many artificial proses, led a reform to remodel a practical style in prose composition. From then writers can write freely without rigid style limited. And no only that many novelists all around the world write and review their books many times based on some constructive criticisms. So, many artists in history gain beneficial effects from criticisms that help them completing the great works

In addition, destructive criticism as we say, It is no doubt that can undermine and constrain artist’s activity and creativity, the criticism , which is intended to harm someone, derogate and destroy someone’s creation, prestige, reputation and self-esteem on whatever level it might be, is unuseful and should be ignored by artists and public. If not, the artist will become a softhead and his art life is miserable. The well-famous “heliotrope” and other works handed by Van Gogh just are regarded as the classic examples to illustrate the negative functions belonged to the criticism, his life is hard and forsaken, however, it is happy to us that Van Gogh’s creativity becomes more impressive though it is not known by his times.

Simply put, the artists should not put much attention to their critics, meanwhile artists should not ignore the penetrating criticism. Depending on how these advices help the work deep theme, enrich way of expression and so on, Artists should make a decision by themselves. Thus art can be astonishing and more meaningful.

irvine666UID: 2575525

Where there is a thing be pushed to public, there is always a criticism, no matter what is, let alone works of art. From professionals to hobbyists, artists often cite "personal creative expression" as their motive(s) for making art. However, I indeed think that constructive, not destructive, criticisms of the works are necessary and helpful, which can make artists think their works more open(often) and profound(ly). (态度：建设性的批评更有帮助，不过是不是应该把什么是"建设性的批评"稍微定义一下？)

Actually, we know that when artists conceive in mind, the work, like a mirror, illuminate(s) more clearly their own feelings of self-worth. (过渡有问题，前面讲作品反映艺术家自己的思想，后面转到作品的角色。两者搭不上边)No matter music, paintings(这句话无谓语). And even the novels and films can reflect the character of an age(这个表达有够糟). Beethoven, for instance, his masterpieces “Fate” is full of composer’s adamant feeling. And a novel “One Hundred Years of Solitude” is a history, bloody history of colony of South America, like a news report about the whole century of South America. （百年孤独这个例子说明什么？它的功能就是一个report truth？我觉得应该要和前面的论述联系起来吧，或者是艺术家自身思想，或者是作品中的角色。更重要的是，如此强有力的2个例证居然没有和cristics沾上边，仅仅为了证明一个前提，浪费资源阿...）

Nevertheless, self-worth or spirit of the times more or less limits artists to think in various ways. This can not be avoided. The critics become indispensable at some extent, their remarkable thought, looking at a piece of work from different angles may give some good advices to the artist. Take Tang Prose of China for example, there is a time that prose writers tended to much more attention to form than content, using very ornate and peculiarly artificial language with many balanced couplets. The famous critic, Liu Zongyuan, after reading many artificial proses, led a reform to remodel a practical style in prose composition. (我记得有权威人士说过，尽量举欧美的名人，中国的例子只能举孔子，因为外国教材里面有论语，其他的都是unproved,ETS不认.)From then writers can write freely without rigid style limited. And no（not） only that many novelists all around the world write and review their books many times based on some constructive criticisms.(这句话是个很空的结论，一个中国的例子就能证明all the world了么？argument被我们批的很惨的点啊.用一句最经典的argument的话：More evidences should be furnished.) So, many artists in history gain beneficial effects from criticisms that help them completing the great works

In addition, destructive criticism as we say, It（不用it，前面有主语了） is no doubt that can undermine and constrain artist’s activity and creativity,（period） the criticism , which is intended to harm someone, derogate（这个词有诽谤的意思，一般只用来形容人的名誉，不能和creation一起用，写并列结构一定要小心） and destroy someone’s creation, prestige, reputation and self-esteem on whatever level it might be（很中文化的表达阿，换成more or less不好么）, is unuseful and should be ignored by artists and public(为什么要带上public?). If not, the artist will become a softhead and his art life is miserable. The well-famous “heliotrope” and other works handed by Van Gogh just are regarded as the(no article) classic(typical) examples to illustrate the negative functions belonged to the criticism, his life is hard and forsaken, however, it is happy to us that Van Gogh’s creativity becomes more impressive though it is not known（know creativity,有这种说法的？） by（in） his times.（艺术家应该忽略destructive criticism,感觉没有讲清楚。而且据我所知很多艺术家都是因为开始被批评的很严重，选择放弃在原来那个方向发展，另辟蹊径，才获得成功的。所以说，destructive criticsim is unuseful过于绝对。）

Simply put, the artists should not put much attention to their critics, meanwhile artists should not ignore the penetrating criticism. Depending on how these advices help the work deep theme, enrich way of expression and so on, Artists should make a decision by themselves. （这个点应该展开阿，可惜了）Thus art can be astonishing and more meaningful.

这篇里面，问题主要是意思表达不明确，可以看出作者对语言的驾驭能力还嫌不足，稍微写的长一点的句子，语法错误和时态错误就会出现。
此外，两个主要的论点论述的都不透彻，只有comparing,没有contrasting，definition, restating等.这个是导致文章长度不足和论述浅薄的主要原因。
另外特别强调的就是：例子都是发生在过去，千万别用现在时态。