【09年1月-4月】TOEFL作文互改小组-之【TWE作文】01.30号作业 by lsr91

lsr91UID: 2540702

During our learning new knowledge, we have different choices to help us to understand it. When we take different ways to comprehend a same concept or idea at the same time we use it in the fact world we would work out some different conclusion. In my opinion, it is more important for student  to understand ideas and concepts than it is for them to learn facts.
Among teenagers, it is usually that the most bright one is Chinese or Indian, but most of the advanced inventions in the world are made from some scientists who come from America. But Chinese or Indian can not make enough contribution in science and technology. Why is that happened? Because of the different ways of education. For example, in China, when teachers teach a new math formula, they usually tell their students directly, and after that, they start training students' solving question ability without any suggestion. In the meantime, when students can not solve some kinds of hard questions, they usually tell them how to solve out the problem directly. But it is different in America, teachers always illume(启发) students before the class, and they will ask students to read some books linked. When they having classes, the teacher will tell students him/her self opinion, and the teacher will encourage students to think if the formula was wrong. So this kind of education can turn out students' opinion, it also can help students to find out new concepts or make new things with the formula.
As we all know, when we were little children about 6-7 years old, our teachers asked us to remember a formula list which above the multiplication from 1-9, we just remember it at that time. But we did not know where it borns, and why it is like this. So, some times when we doing our homework, if we forget the formula at once, we can not remember it. I think it is the disadvange of our country's education.
I am trying to change my old measure of learning. Because I think it is important and the best way to learn a new concept that understand before learn facts.

arlenezxyUID: 2487145

During our learning new knowledge, wehave different choices to help us to understand it. When we takedifferent ways to comprehend a same concept or idea at the same time weuse it in the (fact world这个表述有问题，至少也是 real world) we would work out some different conclusion.In my opinion, it is more important for student  to understand ideasand concepts than it is for them to learn facts. 0 D" W! E9 W- l; R
      Among teenagers, it is usually thatthe most bright （brightest)one is Chinese or Indian, but most of the advancedinventions in the world are made from some scientists who come fromAmerica. But Chinese or Indian can not make enough contribution in (to)science and technology. Why is that happened?(时态） Because of the differentways of education. For example, in China, when teachers teach a newmath formula, they usually tell their students directly, and afterthat, they start training students' solving question ability withoutany suggestion. In the meantime, when students can not solve some kindsof hard questions, they usually tell them how to solve out the problemdirectly. But it is different in America, teachers always illume(启发)students before the class, and they will ask students to read somebooks linked. When they having classes, the teacher will tell studentshim（his)/her self opinion, and the teacher will encourage students to thinkif(whether) the formula was wrong. So this kind of education can turn outstudents' opinion, it also can help students to find out new conceptsor make new things with the formula. ) I7 U: o5 k5 d# c* q& r
      As we all know, when we were littlechildren about 6-7 years old, our teachers asked us to remember aformula list which above（about?) the multiplication from 1-9, we just rememberit at that time. But we did not know where it borns, and why it is likethis. So, some times when we (are) doing our homework, if we forget theformula at once, we can not remember it. I think it is the disadvangeof our country's education.
' M  U/ D2 p5 t$ eIam trying to change my old measure of learning. Because I think it isimportant and the best way to learn a new concept that understandbefore learn facts.

1、感觉楼主语法是个大问题，很多表述都是chinglish, ( )里是我的修改意见，不知道楼主发的是不是裸文，以后写好后还是先稍微修改一下拼写错误和一些时态再发上来，对自己也会有提高。我的语法也是大问题，不过看别人的和改自己的还是不一样。
2、另外，这个题目确实比较难，不容易论证。到底什么是facts,什么是ideas and concepts?数学公式是事实还是推导过程是事实？我倒是觉得楼主第二段里举的例子是说明中国小孩死记硬背公式概念，外国小孩学习灵活，用自己的方法论证公式概念。这个例子恰好和楼主认为概念更重要的观点有点矛盾。
3、从整篇文章刊，楼主的结构也不太合理，第二段第三段都没有明显的核心句子，除了最后一段最后一句全文总结的话。这样使得第三段的论述也有点散，只是说了死记硬背公式的坏处，依然承接第二段把公式当成概念的例子，没有新的例子。

先写这些吧，楼主也再多读读，多改改自己写过的东西，会有帮助的。加油！

roinyouUID: 2447501

同学，我觉得你的文章有些偏题的嫌疑。开头论点比较明确，指出你的观点思想概念更重要，但是后来的两段论证，说中国教育方法没有美国好，但是没有说明facts&&concepts之间的关系啊，是美国方法偏向Concepts么，那也没有详细的说清楚这点。第二个举证观点和第一个有点相似，感觉。最后你结论有突然说应该好的方法是现在facts前学concepts，这个前面也没有论证过，最好还是不要提了。还有在组织结构上面，我也给点意见，最好能有topic sentence，然后段语段之间能有transition，这样论证结构会清楚一些，否则第二段和第三段都一开始就是例子，很难把握你所引用例子想要证明什么。
谈的不对的地方，请指正，大家学习交流为主，希望对彼此的作文水平都有帮助和提高，祝你好运!!

During our learning new knowledge, we have different choices to help us to understand it. When we take different ways to comprehend a same concept or idea at the same time we use it in the fact world we would work out some different conclusion.(这句话你再琢磨一下语法，结构有些问题) In my opinion, it is more important for student  to understand ideas and concepts than it is for them to learn facts. $ q2 p' F( }9 Y* n1 l8 v- w# E( D: W
Among teenagers, it is usually (加个fact) that the most bright one is Chinese or Indian//结构不对, but most of the advanced inventions in the world are made from some scientists who come from America. But Chinese or Indian can not make enough contribution in science and technology. Why is that happened? Because of the different ways of education. For example, in China, when teachers teach a new math formula, they usually tell their students directly, and after that, they start training students' solving question ability without any suggestion. In the meantime, when students can not solve some kinds of hard questions, they usually tell them how to solve out the problem directly. But it is different in America, teachers always illume(启发) students before the class, and they will ask students to read some books linked. When they having classes, the teacher will tell students him/her self opinion, and the teacher will encourage students to think if the formula was wrong. So this kind of education can turn out//spark students' opinion//搭配不当, and it also can help students to find out new concepts or make new things with the formula. * b$ z/ `) l/ z: e: i$ Z3 b
As we all know, when we were little children about 6-7 years old, our teachers asked us to remember a formula list which above the multiplication from 1-9, we just remember it at that time. But we did not know where it borns, and why it is like this. So, some times when we are doing our homework, if we forget the formula at once, we can not remember it. I think it is the disadvange of our country's education.
I am trying to change my old measure of learning. Because I think it is important and the best way (is) to learn a new concept that understand before learn facts. //你结论突然说要在学facts前理解概念，这个你前面有证明和提到么？