argument51 0906G三月底AW“永不言弃”互改小组第一周第一次作业by pengfei601 #4

pengfei601UID: 2395189

argument51 "Doctors have long suspected that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. This hypothesis has now been proved by preliminary results of a study of two groups of patients. The first group of patients, all being treated for muscle injuries by Dr. Newland, a doctor who specializes in sports medicine, took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment. Their recuperation time was, on average, 40 percent quicker than typically expected. Patients in the second group, all being treated by Dr. Alton, a general physician, were given sugar pills, although the patients believed they were taking antibiotics. Their average recuperation time was not significantly reduced. Therefore, all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment."


提纲： 总，作者逻辑推理有问题。
         1，没有指出两组病人患二次感染的概率多大。
         2，两组病人详细背景资料不明朗，不具备可比性。
         3，糖丸也许对治疗有用处哈。
         4，抗菌素副作用很大。
         结束语，作者得加上述资料，才能得出正确推论。


The author's logical analysis surely doesn't yield the conclusion strictly. First, the author lists the example of two muscle injuries suffered groups' treatment, aiming to analyzing the relation between secondary infections and using antibiotic treatment. I don't think the example of muscle injuries is suitable. Because these patients may not have the chance of secondary infection, for muscle injuries usually don't expose to the air, without affecting by bacteria. The author needs to point out the large possibility of secondary infections among these two groups of patients. Second, although these two groups of patients recovered in different speed, this could be a result of different reasons, not only the effect of antibiotics. Maybe the first group of patients is younger and stronger than the second group, maybe they're just in slight muscle injuries, in these cases, their recuperation time should be much shorter than the second group, otherwise I'll doubt they have some other kinds of serious injuries. So the author needs to make sure the two groups of patients have the same ages, the same gender and the same muscle injuries. Personally I don't have any prejudice against Dr. Alton, but his profession is not sports medicine, the knowledge upon which should help a doctor cure muscle injuries better. So even the two groups are exactly the same, the doctors are different in profession, which may make treatment different despite the different use of medicine. Third, Dr. Alton uses the sugar pills in treatment. Definitely the author thinks the pills don't have any effect on the patients. I don't agree with him. There’s no data and experiments to demonstrate this. Maybe taking more sugar can affect the immune system of patients, who knows? And the last point, also the most serious part we need to consider, even the antibiotics have good treatments upon patients, we want to make sure it doesn't have any serious side effects on human body. We all know human body may resist some medicine severely, which could cause patient hard to breathe or die. If this side effect happens, can we take antibiotics as popular treatment? Absolutely not. In the end, let's get to the conclusion, that if the author wants to demonstrate that antibiotics should be adapted as treatment for muscle injuries, he should make some supplements to indicate that there is great risk of suffering secondary infections among patients of muscle injuries; the two groups of patients are in the same health stage and under the same doctor's treatment; the sugar pills has no effect on treating; antibiotics have just slight side effects on human body.

dodoyzUID: 2480022

4号修改
1，段之间要回车空行哈.
2,用word检查语法错误哦.
The author's logical analysis surely doesn't yield the conclusion strictly. First, the author lists the example of two muscle injuries suffered groups' treatment, aiming to analyzing the relation between secondary infections and using antibiotic treatment. I don't think the example of muscle injuries is suitable. Because these patients may not(不知道你这句话想说的是有2次感染的可能还是没有。) have the chance of secondary infection, for muscle injuries usually don't expose to the air（翻译这句的话：肌肉受伤不经常暴露在空气中，俺不知道咋改）, without affecting by bacteria. The author needs to point out the large possibility of secondary infections among these two groups of patients. Second, although these two groups of patients recovered in different speed, this could be a result of different reasons, not only the effect of antibiotics. Maybe the first group of patients(俺觉得patients in first group) is younger and stronger than the second group(group's), maybe they're just in slight muscle injuries, in these cases, their recuperation time should be much shorter than the second group, otherwise I'll doubt they have some other kinds of serious injuries. So the author needs to make sure the two groups of patients have the same ages, the same gender and the same muscle injuries(想说受伤程度吧？the same extent of injuries). Personally I don't have any prejudice against Dr. Alton, but his profession(focus咋样) is not sports medicine, the knowledge upon which should help a doctor cure muscle injuries better(better是good的比较级，good是形容词，这里是想比较help吧，应该是more easily啥的，不知道对不). So even the two groups（+of patients） are exactly the same, the doctors are different in profession, which may make treatment different despite the different use of medicine. (前面这句是不是，doctors in different focus make the treatment a two types of result.我也说不好，反正觉得合成一句说挺好听的。)Third, Dr. Alton uses the sugar pills in treatment. Definitely the author thinks the pills don't have any effect on the patients. I don't agree with him. There’s no data and experiments to demonstrate this. Maybe taking more sugar can affect(加强strengthen咋样) the immune system of patients, who knows? And the last point, also the most serious part we need to consider,（is that） even the antibiotics have good treatments upon patients, we want to make sure it doesn't have any serious side effects on human body. We all know human body may resist some medicine severely, which could cause patient hard to breathe or die. If this side effect happens, can we take antibiotics as popular treatment? Absolutely not. In the end, let's get to the conclusion(let's这个词俺读起来很不爽:lol ), that if the author wants to demonstrate that antibiotics should be adapted as treatment for muscle injuries, he should make some supplements to indicate that there is（+a） great risk of suffering secondary infections among patients of muscle injuries; the two groups of patients(patients in two groups 读起来比较爽) are in the same health stage(same extent of injuries是不是比较好) and under the same doctor's treatment; the sugar pills has no effect on treating（这句话读着迷糊。）; antibiotics have just slight side effects on human body.


哈哈，写的挺好了，俺觉得连接词用的有点单调，再有，你这文章不是就1段吧:O 。

pengfei601UID: 2395189

是单调，肚子里没货。复杂不起来:L
以后的文章我分段
谢谢4号！