【☆09GRE作文冲刺组】dylan1989-3.9成都2月7日作文

dylan1989UID: 2595924

ISSUE 56

Coupled with the rapid development of modern human society are various problems such as environmental deterioration, population explosion, nuclear crisis, information anxiety, and economic babelism and so on. There are so many serious problems which we are facing today or we are going to face in the near future. Never before have people in history faced so many nerve-wracking problems as we do now. The desperate situations stimulate people to consider the critical question: solving the Problems of today and the anticipated problems of the future, which one should our government gives priority to? It's really a hard nut to crack. Since the decisions we make today will determine the destiny of future human society to a certain extent, so we should make our decisions based on the particular situation in which we are staying now instead of unilaterally making our final verdicts. In my own opinion, solving the problems we are facing now and problems anticipated to face in the future are not mutually exclusive, instead, almost each of them relates to the destiny of both ourselves and our offspring. So maybe the best choice is to reach a bit more balance between them.

Well goes an old saying: knowledge is power. Indeed, the development of knowledge makes many of our dreams come true. The highly developed technology and knowledge are the cornerstones of our modern society. Obviously, no one can deny the fact that the level of education determines the level of technology, thus the education level determines the possibilities and powers the society owns to change the world. Unfortunately, our education is drawn to an embarrassing situation that the kids can not read, high school students can not write and the higher graduate students can not even analyze problems in scholar ways. It's time to change! To tear our poor education from the mud, more attention should be paid, more funds should be allotted, more practical measures should be carried out by our government. It is of great necessary to do these, due to the significant influence education makes on both today and tomorrow.

Environmental deterioration is another great problem ahead of us. Ever since the Industrial Revolution, a great many of machines have been applied to the industries. And just since the "great" revolution, people have been started to contaminate the air, pollute the water, cut down the food chain which has existed for thousands of years and so on. By doing these, people leave themselves and the earth in peril miserably. The nature are so furious that it starts to revenge: more floods, more droughts, more earthquakes, more tsunamis, more eruptions, more diseases, less rainfalls, worse air conditions, bigger loopholes of ozone layer...People paid enormous cost for their infantile needs and demands. We have to change and to save our fragile environment, to save ourselves! As if we don't, we will do great injustice to our kids and ourselves; if we do not take actions, maybe our children's children, our children or even ourselves will lose the chance to embrace a better tomorrow.

As for the problems such as nuclear crisis and population explosion and the like do have similarities with the two examples mentioned above in the influence on us and our offspring of sorts. Perhaps sometimes in order to solve the anticipated problems, we do have to stand in our own lights. But in the long run, our cost is worthwhile. The world is just like an orchard, we can not take all the fruits away, because we are all tourists, the orchard does not belong to us. So stop the irresponsible idea to own the orchard and try to reach for a better balance. Once is the perfect critical mass achieved, both we and our offspring will enjoy a brighter tomorrow.

huali1234UID: 2542404

占位改dylan 作文

huali1234UID: 2542404

ISSUE 56

Coupled with（该短语用得不大准确， 这是加上，联系到的意思，） the rapid development of modern human society are various problems such as environmental deterioration, population explosion, nuclear crisis, information anxiety, and economic babelism （改成economic crisis 或者 finacial turmoil 比较好）and so on. There are so many serious problems which we are facing today or we are going to face in the near future. Never before have people in history faced so many nerve-wracking problems as we do now. The desperate situations stimulate people to consider the critical question: solving the Problems of today and（应该用or, 表选择） the anticipated problems of the future, which one should our government gives（give）priority to? It's really a hard nut to crack. Since the decisions we make today will determine the destiny of future human society to a certain extent, so we should make our decisions based on the particular situation in which we are staying now instead of unilaterally making our final verdicts(按实际情况作决定与片面的结论对比关系不大啊，主题应该是眼前的问题和未来的问题). In my own opinion, solving the problems we are facing now and problems anticipated to face in the future are not mutually exclusive, instead, almost each of them relates to the destiny of both ourselves and our offspring. So maybe the best choice is to reach a bit more（可以去掉） balance between them.

Well goes an old saying: knowledge is power. Indeed, the development of knowledge makes many of our dreams come true. The highly developed technology and knowledge are the cornerstones of our modern society. Obviously, no one can deny the fact that the level of education determines the level of technology, thus the education level determines the possibilities and powers（不加s, powers 是指人的才能天赋） the society owns to（own to 是承认的意思，可是作者应该是拥有的意思吧，此处有歧义。而且句法有问题。一句话里同时出现两个谓语：determines 和 change. 后半句可以改成一个从句 ） change the world. Unfortunately, our education is drawn to an embarrassing situation that the kids can not read, high school students can not write and the higher graduate students can not even analyze problems in scholar ways. It's time to change! To tear our poor education from the mud（这句形容的不大好，从烂泥中撕裂XX，搭配不当，这句可删去，后文的3 more, 已经达到排比句的效果了）, more attention should be paid, more funds should be allotted, （and）more practical measures should be carried out by our government. It is of great necessary to do these, due to the significant influence education makes on both today and tomorrow.
（例子说了具体的教育的重要性，说具体的改革的措施，但是没有明确说到当前问题和未来问题的关系。）

Environmental deterioration is another great problem ahead of us. Ever since the Industrial Revolution, a great many of machines have been applied to the industries. And just since the "great" revolution, people have been started to contaminate the air, pollute the water, cut down(与宾语不搭配) the food chain which has existed for thousands of years and so on. By doing these, people leave themselves and the earth in peril miserably. The nature are（is） so furious that it starts to revenge: more floods, more droughts, more earthquakes, more tsunamis, more eruptions, more diseases, less rainfalls, worse air conditions, bigger loopholes of ozone layer...People paid enormous cost for their infantile needs and demands. We have to change and to save our fragile environment, to save ourselves! As if (as if 是好像的意思，此处去掉as) we don't, we will do great injustice to our kids and ourselves; if we do not take actions, maybe our children's children, our children or even ourselves will lose the chance to embrace a better tomorrow.(最后两句说的差不多，重复了)

As for the problems such as nuclear crisis and population explosion and the like do have similarities with the two examples mentioned above in the influence on us and our offspring of sorts. Perhaps sometimes in order to solve the anticipated problems, we do have to stand in our own lights. But in the long run, our cost is worthwhile. The world is just like an orchard, we can not take all the fruits away, because we are all tourists, the orchard does not belong to us. So stop the irresponsible idea to own the orchard and try to reach for a better balance. Once is the perfect critical mass achieved, both we and our offspring will enjoy a brighter tomorrow.

（提个建议，这篇文章，两个例子都是当前问题影响以后的。被强调的balance, 没体现出来，那种问题是被政府优先考虑的问题没有明确回答。毕竟，考官的意思是让人辩论怎样决定问题的取舍）
第一次改人作文，说的不当的地方请原谅！

huali1234UID: 2542404

ISSUE 56

Coupled with（该短语用得不大准确， 这是加上，联系到的意思，） the rapid development of modern human society are various problems such as environmental deterioration, population explosion, nuclear crisis, information anxiety, and economic babelism （改成economic crisis 或者 finacial turmoil 比较好）and so on. There are so many serious problems which we are facing today or we are going to face in the near future. Never before have people in history faced so many nerve-wracking problems as we do now. The desperate situations stimulate people to consider the critical question: solving the Problems of today and（应该用or, 表选择） the anticipated problems of the future, which one should our government gives（give）priority to? It's really a hard nut to crack. Since the decisions we make today will determine the destiny of future human society to a certain extent, so we should make our decisions based on the particular situation in which we are staying now instead of unilaterally making our final verdicts(按实际情况作决定与片面的结论对比关系不大啊，主题应该是眼前的问题和未来的问题). In my own opinion, solving the problems we are facing now and problems anticipated to face in the future are not mutually exclusive, instead, almost each of them relates to the destiny of both ourselves and our offspring. So maybe the best choice is to reach a bit more（可以去掉） balance between them.

Well goes an old saying: knowledge is power. Indeed, the development of knowledge makes many of our dreams come true. The highly developed technology and knowledge are the cornerstones of our modern society. Obviously, no one can deny the fact that the level of education determines the level of technology, thus the education level determines the possibilities and powers（不加s, powers 是指人的才能天赋） the society owns to（own to 是承认的意思，可是作者应该是拥有的意思吧，此处有歧义。而且句法有问题。一句话里同时出现两个谓语：determines 和 change. 后半句可以改成一个从句 ） change the world. Unfortunately, our education is drawn to an embarrassing situation that the kids can not read, high school students can not write and the higher graduate students can not even analyze problems in scholar ways. It's time to change! To tear our poor education from the mud（这句形容的不大好，从烂泥中撕裂XX，搭配不当，这句可删去，后文的3 more, 已经达到排比句的效果了）, more attention should be paid, more funds should be allotted, （and）more practical measures should be carried out by our government. It is of great necessary to do these, due to the significant influence education makes on both today and tomorrow.
（例子说了具体的教育的重要性，说具体的改革的措施，但是没有明确说到当前问题和未来问题的关系。）

Environmental deterioration is another great problem ahead of us. Ever since the Industrial Revolution, a great many of machines have been applied to the industries. And just since the "great" revolution, people have been started to contaminate the air, pollute the water, cut down(与宾语不搭配) the food chain which has existed for thousands of years and so on. By doing these, people leave themselves and the earth in peril miserably. The nature are（is） so furious that it starts to revenge: more floods, more droughts, more earthquakes, more tsunamis, more eruptions, more diseases, less rainfalls, worse air conditions, bigger loopholes of ozone layer...People paid enormous cost for their infantile needs and demands. We have to change and to save our fragile environment, to save ourselves! As if (as if 是好像的意思，此处去掉as) we don't, we will do great injustice to our kids and ourselves; if we do not take actions, maybe our children's children, our children or even ourselves will lose the chance to embrace a better tomorrow.(最后两句说的差不多，重复了)

As for the problems such as nuclear crisis and population explosion and the like do have similarities with the two examples mentioned above in the influence on us and our offspring of sorts. Perhaps sometimes in order to solve the anticipated problems, we do have to stand in our own lights. But in the long run, our cost is worthwhile. The world is just like an orchard, we can not take all the fruits away, because we are all tourists, the orchard does not belong to us. So stop the irresponsible idea to own the orchard and try to reach for a better balance. Once is the perfect critical mass achieved, both we and our offspring will enjoy a brighter tomorrow.

（提个建议，这篇文章，两个例子都是当前问题影响以后的。被强调的balance, 没体现出来，那种问题是被政府优先考虑的问题没有明确回答。毕竟，考官的意思是让人辩论怎样决定问题的取舍）
第一次改人作文，说的不当的地方请原谅！

dylan1989UID: 2595924

3# huali1234 :多谢能指出存在的问题,我感觉说的相当有道理,再次感谢!!!

d596086UID: 2522476

你的文章第一段我还是很喜欢的，感觉写的很好。 楼上那位改的很仔细，而且我也挑不出来更多的毛病，所以就文章总体评价一下：
你的语言功底还是很不错的，很多句子写的个人感觉非常之好
但是本篇文章的中心内容上有点偏题，文章题目重点让你分析政府对“当前问题”和“将来问题”的态度，所以这个文章应该立足于讨论2者之间的重要性对比！而且你的观点是政府应该采取什么样的措施和态度。
因此你后面几段的论述就没有把握到题目的要点。

下次多花点时间看清题目就好啦~

dylan1989UID: 2595924

我也意识到了偏题的严重后果,一开始还能把握得住,后面就不知道跑哪儿去了,总之,非常感谢,叩谢!!! 6# d596086

dylan1989UID: 2595924

8# jhr_hit
叩谢楼上的教育,我也深刻认识到了自己的错误,以后一定注意改正,再次感谢!!!