〖TOEFL 4—6月-Dark_Tournament小组写作 chelseajcole 第三次作业 〗

chelseajcoleUID: 2589519

This planet is losing more and  more land than ever that  fit for
residing;the water that flows through urban area are unfit for drinking;the
air we breath mix with dust.These are the real conditions we face nowadays
which never occured before the economy booming.Therefore,I believe,the
government pay less attention on economic development,when they should
be focusing on perserving nature enviroment.

  Let us ask a question ourself about why we rapidly develop our economy?
The prosperity of society bring us what?Everyone earn more money in
order to enjoy a better life.However,opposite to our wish,with the highly
developed economy,green mountains,clear rivulet and birds singing have
been disappeared.large poisonous matter has been manufactured when the
natural resources had been used in the industrial
production.Meanwhile,lots of   harmful gas had been produced and expeled
during the proess of industral production,which maked humanity's
unhealthy and yielded many kinds of disease.Obviously,the prior
responsibility of government is endeavour to create a comfortable
enviroment which fit for their citizen to live but not the superficial
flourish of the economy.


  On the other hand,the conviction that developed economy make people
richer may be doubted.Here is the extremely instance:it is a town which
located in the industrial area.The town make their living by processing the
wasted electronic products, by using some harmful chemical materials to
collect the reusable materials. This kind of processing based on sacrificing
the environment and the workers’ health. The rivers flows through these
towns are floating black substances and giving out disgusting
effluvium.Only after one year,the inhabitants not only have to pay more
money than ever to buy water form another town,but,in the end,they
choose to leave their hometown for the untolerable enviroment,though the
revenue growed 80 percent.


  The better life is based on better enviroment not the economic
development.The government should focus more on perserving natual
enviroment and less on economic development.There is a watchword :"the
more care are taken to earth ,the more rewards are attained"

云蒸霞蔚UID: 2327352

This planet is losing more and  more land than ever that  fit for residing;the water that flows through urban area are unfit for drinking;the
air we breath (are mixed with) mix with dust.These are the real conditions we face nowadays which never occured before the economy booming.Therefore,I believe,the government pay less attention on economic development,when they should be focusing on perserving nature enviroment.

Let us ask a question (to) ourself(ourselves) about why we rapidly develop our economy? The prosperity of society bring(brings) us what?(这个句子有点古怪了，我不晓得是不是好用)Everyone earn more money in order to enjoy a better life.However,opposite to our wish,with the highly
developed economy,green mountains,clear rivulet and birds singing have been disappeared.large poisonous matter has been manufactured when the natural resources had been used in the industrial production.Meanwhile,lots of   harmful gas had been produced and expeled during the proess of industral production,which maked（made） humanity's unhealthy and yielded many kinds of disease.Obviously,the prior
responsibility of government is endeavour to create a comfortable enviroment which fit for their citizen to live but not the superficial flourish of the economy.（总结的蛮好的)

  On the other hand,the conviction that developed economy make people
richer may be doubted.Here is the extremely instance:it is a town which
located in the industrial area.The town make their living by processing
wasted electronic products, by using some harmful chemical materials to   
collect the reusable materials. This kind of processing （is）based on sacrificing
the environment and the workers’ health. The rivers flows through these
towns are floating black substances and giving out disgusting
effluvium.Only after one year,the inhabitants not only have to pay more
money than ever to buy water form（from） another town,but,in the end,they
choose to leave their hometown for the untolerable（intolerable，形容词的否定，in 和 im的pre-fix比较多） enviroment,though the revenue growed 80 percent.（这个例子还是好，可是用了这么多句似乎”性价比“不是很高，可以省略一点，就直接讲为了经济发展了80%付出的是离开村庄的惨痛代价，然后接个for the reason that 环境已经是被怎么怎么破坏了，就可以了。这样可以留一点空间写一写总结，因为这一段缺少总结句。）

The better life is based on better enviroment not the economic
development.The government should focus more on perserving natual
enviroment and less on economic development.There is a watchword :"the
more care are taken to earth ,the more rewards are attained"（最后收尾非常的干净利落）

作者的思路很清晰，文章的层次感很好。
欠缺之处在于文字的用法还有点生硬，其实注意点作者都有注意到了。
另外，一些小错误实属不应该。

chelseajcoleUID: 2589519

非常感谢