【09年1月-4月】TOEFL作文互改小组-之【TWE作文】第八次作业 by 不会太久vivian

不会太久vivianUID: 2592395

我写的是第一个topic  是teach general subjects 还是caree and job · 写作超时很久，就写的时候感觉·论点有点重复·思路打不开·我写的提纲也是这毛病······ 麻烦并感谢战友费心费时修改！～！:hug:

In recent years, there is an increasingly question about the focus of education in high school and colleges . Some people hold the viewpoint that these organization should spend more time on preparation of career and jobs than education of general subjects. As far as I am concerned, students could gain more benefit points from learning general subjects.

To begin with, general subjects provide the foundation of knowledge. During the time in high school and university, students have lots free time to gain knowledge widely from books, magazines or Internet and focus on what they really interested in without the pressure of work and finance problem. These period are the most precious time in one's life.


On the other hand, people’s attention should be paid on another remarkable virtue gained from the education that different subjects practice different abilities. Learning math enable students own a superior logic, learning English
offer them a access to communicate with world, learning philosophy made students classify the truth and faith. By learning the general subjects, students find out their own method of learning which make a great contribution to the further learning.
Besides, general subjects like art and history are also important to students. Art and history represent the spirit and culture of society which are a great amount fortune that as a contemporary students should get to know.

As for the preparation of career and jods, there are also some positive aspects. Students could familiar with the jobs and get the key points of employee through learning experiences so that have better performance in the job hunting. Meaning while, students could enhance the qualities that companies acquired. Even though we do get a couple of advantageous points from education of career, I maintain that teaching general subjects definitely provides people with more notable, more significant, and more proper profits.

From what has been discussed above, we could safely draw the conclusion that it's better for school to draw more attention on education of general subjects.



2、In university, students should take the history courses no matter what field they study in.

Agree: a: history is a fortune of country and world

b: history help people understand the culture



c: a contemporary students should have the knowledge of history.

3、University students should be required to take basic science classes even they are not part of the field of the study.
Agree: a: basic science relate to daily life

b: help people understand nature

c: good for students' spirit of exploration.

ibt9.12UID: 2581152

In recent years, there is an increasingly question about the focus of education in high school and colleges . Some people hold the viewpoint that these organization should spend more time on preparation of career and jobs than education of general subjects. As far as I am concerned, students could gain more benefit points from learning general subjects.

To begin with, general subjects provide the foundation of knowledge. During the time in high school and university, students have lots free time to gain knowledge widely from books, magazines or Internet and focus on what they really interested in without the pressure of work and finance problem. These period are the most precious time in one's life.

On the other hand, people’s attention should be paid on another remarkable virtue gained from the education that different subjects practice different abilities. Learning math enable students own a superior logic, learning English offer them a access to communicate with the world, learning philosophy made students classify the truth and faith是不是想说false啊. By learning the general subjects, students find out their own method of learning which make a great contribution to the further learning.

Besides, general subjects like art and history are also important to students. Art and history represent the spirit and culture of society which are a great amount fortune that as a contemporary students should get to know.

As for the preparation of career and jods, there are also some positive aspects. Students could be familiar with the jobs and get the key points of employee through learning experiences so that have better performance in the job hunting. Meaning while, students could enhance the qualities that companies acquired. Even though we do get a couple of advantageous points from education of career, I maintain that teaching general subjects definitely provides people with more notable, more significant, and more proper profits.

From what has been discussed above, we could safely draw the conclusion that it's better for school to draw more attention on education of general subjects.

ibt9.12UID: 2581152

P1:increasingly不直接修饰question, 可以用increasingly discussed或hot-discussed
     organisation还是用high schools and universities吧
   直接用benefit more

P2:provide-lay
     lots-lots of

P3:a-an
     the去掉

P5:Meanwhile
     最好用capabilities that company required

P6:同一句话用了两个draw,第二个换成pay

ibt9.12UID: 2581152

Language:
可属名词不能单独使用，要加冠词或者用pl.
感觉文章看起来不够流畅，其中很多修饰啊，复杂句式会妨碍阅读，有时还有歧义，建议lz多用简单句，变换句式的话可以用倒装之类的，不一定用一个套一个的定从~:p

Organisation:
那个counter argumenter(倒2段)比较好，但要说清楚~
偶觉得开头复杂了，结尾简单了

Logic:
思路打不开的话，可以找题目里的主题、对象等，分别从students,university,subject以及society考虑~
还有就是counter argumenter了~再完善一点~

吼吼~加油

不会太久vivianUID: 2592395

In recent years, there is an increasingly question(increasingly discussed/hot discussed/原文的那个在Google上搜有6千多万条俺就没改) about the focus of education in high school and colleges . Some people hold the viewpoint that these organization should spend more time on preparation of career and jobs than education of general subjects. As far as I am concerned, students could benefit more from learning general subjects.

To begin with, general subjects provide a good foundation for knowledge. During the time in high school and university, students have lots of free time to gather and obsorb a wide range of knowledge from books, magazines and Internet and focus on what they really interested in without the pressure of work and finance problem. These period are the most precious time in one's life.

On the other hand, people’s attention should be paid on another remarkable virtue gained from the education that various subjects train different abilities. Learning math enable students own a superior logic, learning English offer them a access to communicate with the world, learning philosophy help students make a clear distinction between right and wrong. By learning the general subjects, students find out their own method of study which make a great contribution to the further learning. Besides, general subjects like art and history are also important to students. Art and history reflect the spirit of the times and creativity which are a great fortune that as a  contemporary students should get to know.

As for the preparation of career and jods, there are also some positive aspects. Students could be familiar with the process of jobs such as grasping the key points of interviewing by learning experiences so that have a better performance during job hunting. Meanwhile, students could enhance capabilities that company required. Even though we do get a couple of advantageous points from education of career, I maintain that teaching general subjects definitely provides people with more notable, more significant, and more proper profits.

From what has been discussed above, we could safely draw the conclusion that it's better for school to draw more attention on education of general subjects.

句子改完，内容还需要修改··