同主题第二期 Issue63 by irvine666

irvine666UID: 2575525

啥都不说了，今天有点感冒，头晕脑胀中凑合写了这篇，不知道得有多少问题哪....

提纲：（反对）真正的理解文化应当从这种文化的起源发展和他人理论入手。
1.从其他文化当中试图找到灵感是不可靠的，会出很多问题。
2.无论是单独研究文化，还是几类文化相比较，都应当深入了了解它（它们）的起源和发展过程
3.他人的看法和意见也很重要，个人的研究微不足道，甚至可能出错（主要是看那个personal knowledge不爽）

TOPIC: ISSUE63 - "To truly understand your own culture-no matter how you define it-requires personal knowledge of at least one other culture, one that is distinctly different from your own."
WORDS: 758          TIME: 01:20:14          DATE: 2009-2-15 下午 08:20:16

As a myriad of traditions and customs stem from culture, to reveal human nature, social trends and the source of global diversification, people should commit themselves to understanding their own culture. But how? Some may expect the assistance of the knowledge of other distinct cultures. They may further argue that knowledge of different cultures could ignite the sparks of understanding. Though that comparative study may be utilized as an alternative approach to reach out to success, it is the research of original forms and others' commentaries that steer human beings in the path toward particularly penetrating and insightful understanding of cultures.

Culture, coherent thoughts passed on from generation to generation, universal and substantial as it is, is constituted by spiritual results such as knowledge, faiths, arts, and laws. Taking part in the cultural actions, and then learning from their personal experiences, human beings could thus better understand one culture. Hardly could Chinese people understand the charm and allure of the Christmas culture, for example, unless they visit the occidental countries at that time and experience it by themselves. Similarly, west citizens could barely understand the form, rather than the essential connotation of the Spring Festival culture of China if they only contacted it on the Internet or on TV. Furthermore, could people thoroughly comprehend the purport of culture by the interactions of knowledge of two or more cultures without personal practice? Imaging an occidental citizen with the knowledge of Christmas culture and Thanksgiving culture, how could he/she understand the Spring Festival culture? A festival with Santa Claus, may be in addition delicious turkey? The answer is surely far away from the truth. Hence, without the personal experience, even if people compare two homogeneous cultures, the comprehension may be peripheral or even ridiculous.

The profound understanding of one culture also derives from the research of its origin and development. Revealing the possible causes, as well as ruminating the changes in the process of improving, human beings could thus establish a series of theories and further endeavor to consummate them to explain culture. Considering the gun culture of the US as a representative instance, that strange or even dangerous culture fascinates many people living in other countries to wonder what meaning is truly included in it. However, they could never understand the significance of gun culture to the US people when they failed to reveal its origin. When the first immigrants coming from Europe sailed to America, they faced the threat of local Indians and fierce predators. Being the only insurance of their lives, guns thus became crucial tools in their living. And for the great help of guns in the War of Independence and the Civil War, the constitution of USA consequently added the legality of personal possession of gun as one clause. Since then, possessing gun, as a sacred right, gradually developed into a particular culture. Only with similar original knowledge could people truly understand one culture, and other superficial or simple cognitions may be harmful to the profound understanding and to the contrast of two distinct cultures. Chinese culture of firecrackers, for example, could be hardly understood by foreigners no matter how many other cultures they have already known. The tradition, setting off firecrackers to celebrate festivals or important cheerful affairs such as winning the right to host the Olympic Games or the return of Hong Kong and Macao, is unique. That Chinese way of illustrating the joyful and expectant emotions is absolutely different from other countries, so the simple comparison of two cultures may not work.

In addition, empirically speaking, no culture could be truly understood in the effort of only single person; instead, it needs constant hard work and profound discussions of all people related. Accordingly, to absorb advantages, as well as to avoid failures of others, referring to their ideologies and researches is a shortcut for individual, and then improve his/her knowledge to better understand certain culture. In other words, whenever faced with obstacles in the way to the truth, people should ask for other's help rather than fighting with it lonely and stubbornly. Synthesizing all advices and viewpoints of others, god thus bless one with success, and naive "hero" only relying on his/her own, bad.

As is mentioned above, while concerning the personal research and extrinsic knowledge may mislead the understanding of certain culture, the best way to establish a detailed knowledge system would be participating more in the action or discussion of that culture, asking for others' suggestions, as well as the profound and insightful research of its origin and developing process.

corpuscleUID: 2503411

提纲：（反对）真正的理解文化应当从这种文化的起源发展和他人理论入手。
1.从其他文化当中试图找到灵感是不可靠的，会出很多问题。
2.无论是单独研究文化，还是几类文化相比较，都应当深入了了解它（它们）的起源和发展过程
3.他人的看法和意见也很重要，个人的研究微不足道，甚至可能出错（主要是看那个personal knowledge不爽）


仅仅从提纲上看，文章的侧重点是反驳了解另外一种文化，而应该从文化的起源和他人理论着手，论证的时候需要把文化的起源和他人理论这个点说清楚，让读者能够信服。我的预测是你先把了解其它文化的缺陷说清楚，然后论证文化的起源和他人理论是如何克服这些缺陷的，并且具有哪些新的优点，有点类似新观点推翻老观点的写法。

TOPIC: ISSUE63 - "To truly understand your own culture-no matter how you define it-requires personal knowledge of at least one other culture, one that is distinctly different from your own."
WORDS: 758          TIME: 01:20:14          DATE: 2009-2-15 下午 08:20:16

As a myriad of traditions and customs stem from culture, to reveal human nature, social trends and the source of global diversification, people should commit themselves to understanding their own culture. But how? Some may expect the assistance of the knowledge of other distinct cultures. They may further argue that knowledge of different cultures could ignite the sparks of understanding. Though that comparative study may be utilized as an alternative approach to reach out to success, it is the research of original forms and others' commentaries about our own culture that steer human beings in the path toward particularly penetrating and insightful understanding of cultures.开头不错，就是长了点，我建议把Some may expect…insightful understanding of cultures.这部分精炼下，这样的具体论述放在主体段上

Culture, coherent thoughts passed on from generation to generation, universal and substantial as it is, is constituted by spiritual results such as knowledge, faiths, arts, and laws. 我觉得这里先写文化的定义，上升到理论高度提高文章的档次，然后再写文化的组成，从这里看，你对文化的定义是狭义的精神方面。Taking part in the cultural actions, and then learning from their personal experiences, human beings could thus better understand one culture.我觉得这句话动词值得推敲，个人觉得应该是学习文化，结合个人精力，然后人们更好的理解文化。 Hardly could Chinese people understand the charm and allure of the Christmas culture, for example, unless根据你的提纲，我觉得这里有点问题，难道中国人去了西方感受西方文化就会理解西方文化吗？那不就跟你的研究文化起源和他人理论相矛盾吗？ they visit the occidental countries at that time and experience it by themselves. Similarly, west citizens could barely understand the form, rather than the essential connotation of the Spring Festival culture of China if they only contacted it on the Internet or on TV. Furthermore, could people thoroughly comprehend the purport of culture by the interactions of knowledge of two or more cultures without personal practice? Imaging an occidental citizen with the knowledge of Christmas culture and Thanksgiving culture,圣诞节和感恩节跟文化的关系？还有前面的春节，因为没有去论述文化的定义，文化的组成也没有写到民俗，这里直接就论证属于逻辑跨越 how could he/she understand the Spring Festival culture? A festival with Santa Claus, may be in addition delicious turkey? The answer is surely far away from the truth具体如何far away from the truth？还没有把这个问题说清楚就直接hence，无法让我信服. Hence, without the personal experience, even if people compare two homogeneous cultures, the comprehension may be peripheral or even ridiculous.这段有些绕，先说通过个人经历理解文化，然后说比较不同文化不光需要知识还需要个人去体验。要我说，换换顺序，先说比较不同文化去理解自己的文化有什么缺陷？如你说的缺少体验，缺少这个体验对文化理解有什么样的影响？你没有写的很清楚，这个点需要深入下去，也是这一段要论证的要点。你对personal knowledge如何定义？根据你说的，仅仅是比较两个不同节日的表面现象A festival with Santa Claus, may be in addition delicious turkey?我对这个personal knowledge却有不同理解，比如一些外国人即使没来到中国，却对中国文化研究的很透彻，并不是你所谓的只了解表面形式

The profound understanding of one culture also根据你前面的论证，你是要说理解文化需要个人体验，也需要研究文化的起源和发展。姑且不说你前面没有论证透彻个人体验对理解文化中扮演的角色，仅仅从提纲这个角度看，你这样论证是有问题的。你的主题是要说理解文化需要研究文化的起源和他人理论，那个人的体验应该是有助于文化的理解，仅限于有助于，是主次关系而不是并列关系，所以这里的also应该删掉。 derives from the research of its origin and development. Revealing the authentic causes, as well as ruminating the changes in the process of improving应该是发展，不一定是进步, human beings could thus establish a series of theories and further endeavor to consummate them我觉得应该是人们对这些文化的评价和欣赏去解释文化 to explain culture. Considering the gun culture of the US as a representative instance, that strange or even dangerous culture fascinates many people living in other countries to wonder what meaning is truly included in it. However, they could never understand the significance of gun culture to the US people when they failed to reveal its origin. When the first immigrants coming from Europe sailed to America, they faced the threat of local Indians and fierce predators这个单词的具体用法我不清楚，我记得食肉动物的意思. Being the only insurance of their lives, guns thus became crucial tools in their living. And for the great help of guns in the War of Independence and the Civil War, the constitution of USA consequently added the legality of personal possession of gun as one clause. Since then, possessing gun, as a sacred right, gradually developed into a particular culture.这里可以再升华一下，为了人们的解放，保护个人财产不受有势力集团的侵犯 Only with similar original knowledge could people truly understand one culture, and other superficial or simple cognitions may be harmful to the profound understanding and to the contrast of two distinct cultures其实，我也理解美国的枪文化，但也是通过了解枪文化的起源去了解的，因此你这后半句是经不起推敲的. Chinese culture of firecrackers, for example, could be hardly understood by foreigners no matter how many other cultures这里应该是对中国文化有多少了解 they have already known. The tradition, setting off firecrackers to celebrate festivals or important cheerful affairs such as winning the right to host the Olympic Games or the return of Hong Kong and Macao, is unique. That Chinese way of illustrating the joyful and expectant emotions is absolutely different from other countries, so the simple comparison of two cultures may not work.这段没有去写文化的起源如何克服比较两个不同文化的缺陷，论证文化的起源对研究文化的意义写的也有些少，仅仅就一句话带过。

In addition, empirically speaking经验主义，MS在I和A是不能用经验主义的，换常识告诉我们吧, no culture could be truly understood in the effort of only single person; instead, it needs constant hard work and profound discussions of all people related. Accordingly, to absorb advantages, as well as to avoid failures of others, referring to their ideologies and researches is a shortcut for individual, and then improve his/her knowledge to better understand certain culture. In other words, whenever faced with obstacles in the way to the truth, people should ask for other's help rather than fighting with it lonely and stubbornly. Synthesizing all advices and viewpoints of others, god thus bless one with success, and naive "hero" only relying on his/her own, bad.对于这段，我持保留态度，题目的personal knowledge究竟是指狭隘的个人研究还是个人知识（包括吸收他人知识和自己的研究成果）？如果是后者，你这段话是有问题的

As is mentioned above, while concerning the personal research and extrinsic knowledge may mislead the understanding of certain culture, the best way to establish a detailed knowledge system would be participating more in the action or discussion of that culture, asking for others' suggestions, as well as the profound and insightful research of its origin and developing process.

总的来说，思路很清晰，语言功底不错，很赞字数。用了大量红宝词汇，不知道这些词汇你有没有掌握他们的深层意思和用法，具体的问题在文中都说过了，这里就不啰嗦了，注意这些问题，相信你会考个不错的分数~~！保重身体，AW加油~~！

irvine666UID: 2575525

真是感动啊，好久没有被满江红了....
看来最近的重心还是有点偏掉，过度的去研究用词了，反而忽略了本体逻辑连接...
话说这篇文章如果要透彻的讲清楚的话，还真不是个容易的事情，估计等我修改以后字数会破900.
原因应该在于我前面没有仔细的限定文化范围导致后面有些乱。
明天来彻底研究修改一番

sdkjhfbsdhifbsUID: 2570066

厉害！