【☆09GRE作文冲刺组】yanxin19 2月23日作文Arguement

yanxin19UID: 2254573

A53自由写作
In this argument the author concludes that associated with the effect of a specific kind of hormone named melatonin, a child conceived in Autumn is more likely to be shy in his or her infancy and in the later lifespan, on the basis of two experiments and a line of reason. The first reseach filters 25 infants who are expected to be mild distressful and the second experiment is a follow-up study tracingthe 25 infants comeduring their teenagers which reveal that they are more frequently identify themselves as shy. The author describes the production of melatonin in pregnant mothers, and attribute incidence of so-called shyness to the work of  melatonin. Granted that well described and organized(this assertion has merit), this argument have some logical flaws in crucial respects, which render it wholly unconvincing as it stands
To the first place, shyness, the core notion (concept idea)in this argument is not precisely defined. In the latter experiment, signs of mild distress reflected to unfamiliar stimuli  are used as  criteria of shy, however, in common sense, distress is not amount to shyness, in that the former is inclined to take actions, and the latter is more implicate and more frequently mentioned as an attitude. What is more, in the second experiment shyness is ranked by the teenagers themselves, which is far from illegal.
To the second place, the sample in the experiments are questionable. There are no information about the control group-the infants showing less or no signs to unfamiliar stimuli(单复？)，without a contrast between the shy group and the control group, we could not attain any appropriate conclusion about the extent and seriousness of shy and would not infer any collation between melatonin and shyness.
To the third place, a direct collation between the two factors does not necessarily prove that the former causes the latter, Let alone present no information about the control group, Even if the 25 shy babies are more likely to be conceived in autumn, thanks to the production of melatonin, For that matter may  the shyness  cause over production of melatonin on the contrary  furthermore, the author must also account for alternative possible factors leading to shyness, for instance genetic and environmental explanations.
In sum, at least based on the memo, the argument that ,the child conceived in Autumn are more likely to shy in their infancy and in their later life is not well supported. To convince me that there are casual relationship between this kind of hormone and extent of shyness, the author must provide a clearer definition on? shyness, and more information about the control group. Additionally, other alternative factor should be  ruled out from the experiment exactly.

ccdUID: 2535452

In this argument the author concludes that associated with the effect of a specific kind of hormone named melatonin, a child conceived in autumn is more likely to be shy in his or her infancy and in the later lifespan, on the basis of two experiments and a line of reason. The first reseach filters 25 infants who are expected to be mild distressful and the second experiment is a follow-up study tracingthe 25 infants comeduring their teenagers which reveal that they are more frequently identify themselves as shy. The author describes the production of melatonin in pregnant mothers, and attribute incidence of so-called shyness to the work of melatonin. Granted that well described and organized (this assertion has merit), this argument have some logical flaws in crucial respects, which render it wholly unconvincing as it stands.

To the first place, shyness, the core notion (concept idea) in this argument is not precisely defined. In the latter experiment, signs of mild distress reflected to unfamiliar stimuli  are used as  criteria of shy, however, in common sense, distress is not amount to shyness, in that the former is inclined to take actions, and the latter is more implicate and more frequently mentioned as an attitude. What is more, in the second experiment shyness is ranked by the teenagers themselves, which is far from illegal.

To the second place, the sample in the experiments is questionable. There are no information about the control group-the infants showing less or no signs to unfamiliar stimuli(单复？)，without a contrast between the shy group and the control group, we could not attain any appropriate conclusion about the extent and seriousness of shy and would not infer any collation between melatonin and shyness.

To the third place, a direct collation between the two factors does not necessarily prove that the former causes the latter, Let alone present no information about the control group, Even if the 25 shy babies are more likely to be conceived in autumn, thanks to the production of melatonin, For that matter may  the shyness  cause over production of melatonin on the contrary  furthermore, the author must also account for alternative possible factors leading to shyness, for instance genetic and environmental explanations.

In sum, at least based on the memo, the argument that, the child conceived in autumn are more likely to shy in their infancy and in their later life is not well supported. To convince me that there are casual relationship between this kind of hormone and extent of shyness, the author must provide a clearer definition on shyness, and more information about the control group. Additionally, other alternative factor should be ruled out from the experiment exactly.

个人感觉你的文章有点松散。
首段你案例表达的很好，如果能稍微简略一点的话会更棒。
中间主要的谬误你都是找到了，模板比较明显。其实A主要是看中间部分的论述，模板每个人都写得差不多。而你的中间部分加起来和你首末段字数都差不多了。你应该多举一些可能性，这样比较容易展开论述。