【Dark_Tournament TOEFL-ibt作文小组mintsh第8次作业】

mintshUID: 2460474

It is more important to use land for human need than to save land for endangered animals.

      It is quite a difficulty choice for me. However, what I can be sure of is that the statement does not make any sense. We has done immense harm to our friends-animals in the past, it is high time we should look back and make up for serious consequence caused by us.

       Obviously, we human are the actual leaders of the whole earth. New technologies and instruments are being developed constantly aimed at exploited all the resources attainable. Fossil fuels, say petroleum and coal are giving out energy while at the same time emitting greenhouse gases. Initial arable lands are replaced be skyscrapers just to provide more living space for us. Due to the exceptional intelligence we own, we are able to meet our desire anyway. But it merely means we can do so not we shall do so.

    Various species of animals encounter with the possibility of being extinct since their previous habitats have been damaged or even entirely ruined under human’s improper activities. Perhaps, other animals could not rival with human beings in the intelligence and creativity. After all, they are creatures and their life is as sacred as ours. They also own the rights to live a rather comfortable life on the earth, nonetheless we neglect the significant fact selfishly. Imagine that animals on a large scale are driven out of their hometown and suffer from starvation and death when heading for another habitat. Do you still firmly persist the prevailing idea that it is our privilege to take up any area on the earth for our own use?

     The argument on the issue who should conquer more land human or endangered animals is kind of meaningless. It is how to figure out a balance point between our expansion and animals’ rudimentary requirement for living that really matters. For example, setting up conservation regions sounds a good solution for the endangered animals that are homeless. There is no doubt that when we force other creatures into horrible plight we are supposed to be so sooner or later.
  
       Therefore, join hands to implement a sustainable scheme for both the earth and all the animals on it.

angeloolUID: 166036

It is more important to use land for human need than to save land for endangered animals.

It is quite a difficulty choice for me（it指代什么？）. However, what I can be sure of is that the statement does not make any sense. We has done immense harm to our friends-animals in the past, and it is high time we should look back and make up for serious consequence caused by us.

Obviously, we human are the actual leaders of the whole earth. New technologies and instruments are being developed constantly aimed at exploited all the resources attainable. Fossil fuels, say petroleum and coal are giving out energy while and at the same time emitting greenhouse gases. Initial arable lands are replaced bey skyscrapers just to provide more living space for us. Due to the exceptional intelligence we own, we are able to meet our desire anyway. But it merely means we can do so but not we shall do so.（第一段和动物无任何关系，在讲资源开发时可以用）

Various species of animals encounter with the possibility of being extinct since their previous habitats have been damaged or even entirely ruined under human’s improper activities. Perhaps, other animals could not rival with （好表达）human beings in the intelligence and creativity. After all, they are creatures and their life is as sacred as ours. They also own the rights to live a rather comfortable life on the earth, nonetheless we neglect the significant fact selfishly. Imagine that animals on a large scale are driven out of their hometown and suffer from starvation and death when heading for another habitat. Do you still firmly persist the prevailing idea that it is our privilege to take up any area on the earth for our own use?

The argument on the issue who should conquer more land human or endangered animals （这句话语法和conquer的用法都有问题）is kind of meaningless. It is how to figure out a balance point between our expansion and animals’ rudimentary requirement for living. For example, setting up conservation regions sounds a good solution for the endangered animals that are homeless. There is no doubt that when we force other creatures into horrible plight we are supposed to be so sooner or later（这句语法也很有问题）.

Therefore, join hands to implement a sustainable scheme for both the earth and all the animals on it.
小评：
1.
不得不说，这篇文章很另类，分论点的头两段都基本是在斥责人类，最后一段稍微回到了正题。作者的意思很清楚是支持动物的，问什么不中规中矩一些？说考官出的题meaningless总是容易激怒别人的。J
2.
大词用了不少，还听不错的。值得借鉴。

云蒸霞蔚UID: 2327352

It is more important to use land for human need than to save land for endangered animals.0 B0 v, X- S8 j3 [& }! H6 J% E5 y

      It is quite a difficulty choice for me. However, what I can be sure of is that the statement does not make any sense. We has done immense harm to our friends-animals in the past, it is high time we should look back and make up for serious consequence caused by us.7 C) t) P1 E# y9 S

       Obviously, we human are the actual leaders of the whole earth. New technologies and instruments are being developed constantly aimed at exploited all the resources attainable. Fossil fuels, say petroleum(笔误？)
and coal are giving out energy while at the same time emitting greenhouse gases. Initial arable lands are replaced be skyscrapers just to provide more living space for us. Due to the exceptional intelligence we own, we are able to meet our desire anyway. But it merely means we can do so not we shall do so. (感觉最后一句很拖沓 总结的不够好 没有把人类的发展和破坏环境结合起来)


    Various species of animals encounter with the possibility of being extinct since their previous habitats have been damaged or even entirely ruined under human’s improper activities. Perhaps, other animals could not rival with human beings in the intelligence and creativity. After all, they are creatures and their life is as sacred as ours. They also own the rights to live a rather comfortable life on the earth, nonetheless we neglect the significant fact selfishly. Imagine that animals on a large scale are driven out of their hometown and suffer from starvation and death when heading for another habitat. Do you still firmly persist the prevailing idea that it is our privilege to take up any area on the earth for our own use?（这一段和动物的生存联系了 可是至于题目中的土地的问题 依旧没有被提出来）
% x2 A+ @/ e  \* s
     The argument on the issue who should conquer more land human or endangered animals is kind of meaningless. It is how to figure out a balance point between our expansion and animals’ rudimentary requirement for living. For example, setting up conservation regions sounds a good solution for the endangered animals that are homeless. There is no doubt that when we force other creatures into horrible plight we are supposed to be so sooner or later.
(个人觉得应该for example 后面应该举一点真实的例子，比如丹顶鹤之类的保护区才好)


       Therefore, join hands to implement a sustainable scheme for both the earth and all the animals on it.
结尾貌似草率

文章的语言很好 很流畅 值得学习借鉴

但是思路不清楚，没有和题目中的用地相结合，没有把动物和人的重要性比较提出来。感觉笔者的思路已经有了，只是稍微有点偏，不是什么大问题，改过来就好了。

mintshUID: 2460474

2# angelool
conquer 那句不知道该怎么改。希望。你能帮我想想~~后面那句如果改成。。when..... we are not far away from the approximately same predicament sooner or later....会不会好一些
还有。angel你的建议很中肯。谢谢你的拍文~~~

mintshUID: 2460474

3# 云蒸霞蔚
恩。对的。云童鞋。。你一针见血。。发现我这篇文章带有严重的中式思维模式。。观点确实不够明朗。。应该做到结构清晰。主题凸显。~~谢谢你~~~