【Dark_Tournament TOEFL-ibt作文小组chelseajcole的 第8次作业】

chelseajcoleUID: 2589519

It is more important to use land for human need than to save land for endangered animals.

If there hold a conference among all the creatures to appraise which animal is most selfish one ,human being will win the tital definitely.Just for one thing,the occupation of land by human being is larger than any other animals,and some animals nowadays even lost their habitate.Therefore,it is more important to save land for endangered animals than to use land for human need.There is some specific reasons below.

First of all,animals are always important original thought of scientists to invent new technology.Bat emit wave in dark night to calculate the distance of the barrier in front of it which enlighten human invent ultrosonic to help blind walking without someone other's help;The constructure of
butterflies' wing slove a problem of satellite when it exposed in the ultraviolet from the sun and suffered the coldness in the space;the light radiated by fireflies give an idea for human to prove the efficiency of lighting utilization.If endangered animals extincted,the losing of scientific development will beyond our image.

Second of all,the value of animals are also significant.Some organs animal not only can be used for garment-leopard fur,for example-but in medicine field.As we all know,the toxic substance can be treated by the material epurated from centipede.The pearl,now we can see on girls'neck,deprived from oyster,face the destiny of extinguishment.We,human ,always enjoy the luxurious living condition and ignore the living conditiong of other animal.Only by protecting the land of animals could we obtain the useful material from creatures.

Third of all,if human being exploit excess land which result in other creature can not live anymore,people would died sooned or later.There was a research indicate that if there is only one kind of animal in the earth,it will disappear quickly.Mankind is one part of biosphere.The enviromental balance would be broken since the less variety of creatures.

All in all,it is more important to save land for endangered animals then to use land for human need because we can get more thing form animal.We cherish the existence created by nature and use the land more appropriate.

ericsong1125UID: 2493162

It is more important to use land for human need than to save land for endangered animals.
If there hold a conference among all the creatures to appraise which animal is most selfish one, human being will win the tital (title?) definitely. Just for one thing, the occupation of land by human being is larger than any other animals, and some animals nowadays even lost their habitate (habitat). Therefore, it is more important to save land for endangered animals than to use land for human need. There is some specific reasons below.

First of all, animals are always important original thought of scientists to invent new technology. Bat emit wave in dark night to calculate the distance of the barrier in front of it which enlighten human invent ultrasonic (ultrasonic) to help blind walking without someone other's help; The constructure (structure?) of butterflies' wing slove (solve) a problem of satellite when it exposed in the ultraviolet from the sun and suffered the coldness in the space; the light radiated by fireflies give an idea for human to prove the efficiency of lighting utilization. If endangered animals extincted (extinct), the losing of scientific development will beyond our image.


Second of all, the value(s) of animals are also significant. Some organs animal not only can be used for garment-leopard fur, for example-but in medicine field. As we all know, the toxic substance can be treated by the material epurated (erupted?) from centipede. The pearl, now we can see on girls' neck, deprived from oyster, face the destiny of extinguishment. We, human, always enjoy the luxurious living condition and ignore the living conditiong (condition) of other animal. Only by protecting the land of animals could we obtain the useful material from creatures.


Third of all, if human being exploit excess land which result in other creature can not live anymore, people would died sooned(soon) or later. There was a research indicate that if there is only one kind of animal in the earth, it will disappear quickly. Mankind is one part of biosphere. The enviromental (environmental) balance would be broken since the less variety of creatures.


All in all, it is more important to save land for endangered animals then to use land for human need because we can get more thing form animal. We cherish the existence created by nature and use the land more appropriate.


总体来说不错，内容充实，论据充分。存在一下几点问题：
1.分论点与总论点契合不够，过多的强调了动物的作用，弱化了动物与土地，人与土地的冲突，在这点上有点偏。
2.LZ可能在计时，小失误很多，应当避免。用词上还算考究。
3.事实论据篇幅较大，应适当的用自己的话做道理论证，给予总结，不然就像堆例子一样，光看故事，没有概括的summary


开头语势强，较新颖，段落开头过于模板化，句式变化多。


目前就想到了这些，还望指正

chelseajcoleUID: 2589519

恩，自己写完也感觉是想了很多例子，但是总结得不够，这样貌似很吃亏，批改的很棒，写完才觉得弱化了土地与人类的关系，有点偏了，非常感谢