【09年1月-4月】TOEFL作文互改小组-之【TWE作文】第十二次作业.3.8号作业 by Sunshine

大伙一块傻UID: 2557169

Nowadays, more and more people argue whether taking exercise is more important for whom. And, some people hold the view that taking exercise is less useful for the young people than the old. But, a lot of people opposite this view, they think the young people need far more exercises. In my opinion, I agree with the later. And, I will give my reasons as follow.
Firstly, compared with the old people, the young people almost have no time to do exercises. Most of they spend much time in working, because they need money to support living. But, in my opinion, as they have less time for doing exercises, they should take more attention about that. Last month, I read a shocking news that a twenty-five years old young editor died of over-fatigue from newspaper. She has too much work to do everyday and abides huge pressure of life, which like most young people in today’s world. However, what shocks me a lot is that she even has no weekend to rest or do something to relax herself ,such as, doing some exercises, chatting with her friends. And the report said that the number of people who died of over fatigue is increasing every year. Some professors also pointed out that it may become a serious problem in the recent years. So, the young people should do some exercises for themselves’ health, no matter how busy they are.
Secondly, healthy is always easily ignored by the young man. And, they often hold a wrong view that they are health because of young. In fact, they are young is not equal to they get away from disease. They do not care health and spend less time doing exercises in their youth, but, when they are getting old and have illness, they regret to what they did in their youth. As that, I believe that taking exercise is far more important for the young people than the old.
Thirdly, because the young people are lazy, they do not like going out. And, they prefer to spend more time sleeping, rather than get up early and do some exercise, which is not a good habit. But you often can meet a large number of old people do exercise outside in the morning. As we all known, getting up early and breathing fresh air are benefit for health.
In a word, taking exercise is more important and necessary for the young people. Because they always do exercise less than the old people do, and do not take care of their body. What is more, they have wrong views about health and have bad behavior of life. So, doing exercise is more important for them than the old people.

roinyouUID: 2447501

文章观点表达还是十分清晰的，不过个人觉得阐述方面最好换一个角度，说年轻人没有时间运动，很懒等原因，换个方式说，乍得一看以为这是每段中心句，以为为没有时间运动作辩护的。当然你的想法可以能也是对的，我也只是觉得而已。 还有就是语法，用红的标志了，其实表达能力还是相当不错的，建议专门对复杂句做些练习和套些模板，祝你杀T成功。

Nowadays, more and more people argue whether taking exercise is more important for whom. And, some people hold the view that taking exercise is less useful for the young people than the old. But, a lot of people opposite this view, they think the young people need far more exercises. In my opinion, I agree with the later. And, I will give my reasons as follow.
Firstly, compared with the old people, the young people almost have no time to do exercises（我差点当第一段主题句，这样。。观点和意思就完全不一样了）. Most of they spend much time in working, because they need money to support living. But, in my opinion, as they have less time for doing exercises, they should take more attention about that. Last month, I read a shocking news that a twenty-five years old young editor died of over-fatigue from newspaper(什么意思？). She has too much work to do everyday and abides huge pressure of life, which like most young people in today’s world. However, what shocks me a lot is that she even has no weekend to rest or do something to relax herself ,such as, doing some exercises, chatting with her friends. And the report said that the number of people who died of over fatigue is increasing every year. Some professors also pointed out that it may become a serious problem in the recent years. So, the young people should do some exercises for themselves’ health, no matter how busy they are.
Secondly, healthy（healthy是形容词） is always easily ignored by the young man(建议用复数). And, they often hold a wrong view that they are health(health是名词) because of young. In fact, they are young (they r young不能做主语)is not equal to they get away from disease. They do not care health and spend less time doing exercises in their youth, but, when they are getting old and have illness, they regret to what they did in their youth. As that, I believe that taking exercise is far more important for the young people than the old.
Thirdly, because the young people are lazy, they do not like going out. And, they prefer to spend more time sleeping, rather than get up early and do some exercise, which is not a good habit. But you often can meet a large number of old people do exercise outside in the morning. As we all known, getting up early and breathing fresh air are benefit for health.
In a word, taking exercise is more important and necessary for the young people. Because they always do exercise less than the old people do, and do not take care of their body. What is more, they have wrong views about health and have bad behavior of life. So, doing exercise is more important for them than the old people.