ARGUMENT242【DIES IN FLAMES 0910G长线突破组】TASK I joyceww88

joyceww88UID: 2599492

In this argument, the arguer concludes that college and university should adopt honor codes similar to G to combat cheating among college and university students. To substantiate the conclusion the arguer cites the result of a recent survey that the majority of students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without. Moreover the arguer points out that the number of the cases of cheating reported decreased after the honor code. In my point of view, however, the argument suffers from several critical flaws as follows.

To begin with, the conclusion unjustifiably relies on the survey conducted by the g honor council. I think the surveyors who expect to support that their honor code is useful may do something not impersonal during the survey to get the conclusion they want. For example, they probably chose students who were honest enough to be less likely to cheat. Or they will open the survey result to public to make students lie. Even if the survey is fair and reasonable, as the human nature, few people would acknowledge that they are likely to cheat. So the conclusion of the survey may be pseudo.

In addition, the method is not valid. Students who agree not to cheat in their academic endeavors do not mean that they will really obey what they have said in the future. What’s more, there are two main problems existing in the way that knowing who are cheating depend on students report each other. On one hand, it damages the friendship between classmates and they may be suspicious of each other. On the other hand, it also brings about inauthenticity of the number of cases of cheating. Some students are possible to harbor their classmates or friends of their cheating, which make the real number is lower than that of the fact. And it’s unfair to notify a faculty member only because they suspect instead of having the evidence.

Furthermore, though the number of the cases of cheating reported is less than that of five years ago. It doesn’t stand for the fact that there are fewer students cheating. Firstly, it fails to indicate that the number is keeping declining during these five years. Maybe it is low in this year, but high last year, even higher than the first. Secondly, even though it has a downtrend, it’s just the result of that fewer and fewer students want to report their mates of cheating. Thirdly, the arguer can’t prove that honor code is the reason or the only reason that lead to the decreased number. Perhaps it has other methods to cause the situation, such as fewer students, moral lessons, and other supervisory systems stricter than honor codes. Or they fear that their classmates will despise them.

Last but not least, granted that the method help to decrease the number of cases of cheating, the arguer overlooks that the successful case in G is unnecessarily useful for other college students. Students in G could be in high quality, so they can restraint themselves better and cherish their faith, which makes the promise of not cheating, supervising and impeaching each other work well.

To sum up, though the argument seems to be plausible, in fact, it lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis doesn’t lend strong support to the arguer’s claim. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer would have to provide more specific evidence concerning that honor code really reduce cheating in G, and the situation in G is so universal that it can be used well in other places. Finally, it’s better for the arguer to supply the information about that how to sample and get the statistics.



额，说明一下，这篇没改（不过估计我的水平也改不出啥了）。今天就发上来是因为想逼着自己动笔，如果想着明天还有一天，以我的性格一定会拖到明天最后一刻的。可能其他人觉得没什么，但是这第一篇对于我的意义很不一样。我四级就110分，才考的，足见我的水平了···一直不敢动笔，一直拖着，拖到最后发邮件退考了。记得谁说过，第一篇issue不在于写的好不好，而在于有没有写。对于我，连I和A的难度都分不出来，因为都是难得不可企及，难得动不了笔的的。所以这就是这篇ARGU对我的意义：我终于第一次动笔写了。尽管写了4个小时，尽管查了很多词，尽管很多词乱用或者重复使用，但是不管怎么样我写了。呃，因为很懒，也没深思过，貌似这就是草木斑斑说的下三路的攻击（如果能看出来我是在攻击的话，我还是很HAPPY的），就是抄了开头结尾几句模板，但是词是查了不少，我都对自己无语了。想说的句子很难用英语表达，最后都是A IS B这种恶心的东西···词也用不到，貌似连四级词汇都不会用···说了这么多无关的，只是想说我基础很差，为自己的稀烂文章找个借口，不过我尽力了

irvine666UID: 2575525

A is B不是坏事，关键看你怎么把它说漂亮，来几句偶的A is B给你参考：

1.Admittedly, ecotourism, being an attractive outdoor activity, has potential in spurring increase of revenue.
典型的 A is B + A has C垃圾句式
2.Common sense of justice, firm and impulsive as it is, should never be eternal.
典型的A is B 吧
3.Such is human nature that resisting oppression and pursuing democracy, liberation, and freedom.
还是A is B.

所以不用担心，这种简单句式也能变成好看的亮点

joyceww88UID: 2599492

恩谢谢楼上同学鼓励，我发现了，你跟我说的A is B 不是一回事。你那三个A is B很漂亮，恩啊，向你看齐，我会慢慢学习的，插入语很漂亮啊，读的我心情愉悦啊（如果不跟我自己的对比的话呵呵）

joyceww88UID: 2599492

谢谢楼上同学的细心批改啊
你指出的问题就是我现在很苦恼的啊：想说的用英语表达出来之后别人看不懂在说什么，另一个就是巨型太过于简单，用词也是简单重复···而且还不是一时半会能提高的，还不知道怎么提高····
至于模板，哎，貌似全文就模板的句子像个句子，其他都太低级了，汗颜啊

seiranzcc1UID: 2514067

In this argument, the arguer concludes that college and university should adopt honor codes similar to G to combat cheating among college and university students. To substantiate the conclusion the arguer cites the result of a recent survey that the majority of students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without. Moreover the arguer points out that the number of the cases of cheating reported decreased after the honor code. In my point of view, however, the argument suffers from several critical flaws as follows.我没有研究过开头的写法，但是我觉得复述可以理清思路
To begin with, the conclusion unjustifiably relies on the survey conducted by the g honor council. I think the surveyors who expect to support that their honor code is useful may do something not impersonal during the survey to get the conclusion they want. For example, they probably chose students who were honest enough to be less likely to cheat. Or they will open the survey result to public to make students lie. Even if the survey is fair and reasonable, as the human nature, few people would acknowledge that they are likely to cheat. So the conclusion of the survey may be pseudo.攻击点很有力，阐述也很清晰

In addition, the method is not valid. Students who agree not to cheat in their academic endeavors do not mean that they will really obey what they have said in the future. What’s more, there are two main problems existing in the way that knowing who are cheating depends on students report each other. On one hand, it damages the friendship between classmates and they may be suspicious of each other. On the other hand, it also brings about inauthenticity of the number of cases of cheating. Some students are possible to harbor their classmates or friends of their cheating, which make the real number is（去掉is） lower than that of the fact. And it’s unfair to notify a faculty member only because they suspect instead of having the evidence.攻击得比较有逻辑

Furthermore, though the number of the cases of cheating reported is less than that of five years ago. It doesn’t stand for the fact that there are fewer students cheating. Firstly, it fails to indicate that the number is keeping declining during these five years. Maybe it is low in this year, but high last year, even higher than the first. Secondly, even though it has a downtrend, it’s just the result of that fewer and fewer students want to report their mates of cheating.（如果是我，会选might表达，有余地） Thirdly, the arguer can’t prove that honor code is the reason or the only reason that lead to the decreased number. Perhaps it has other methods to cause the situation, such as fewer students, moral lessons, and other supervisory systems stricter than honor codes. Or they fear that their classmates will despise them.一个大点三步攻击，有力而且清晰
Last but not least, granted that the method help to decrease the number of cases of cheating, the arguer overlooks that the successful case in G is unnecessarily useful for other college students. Students in G could be in high quality, so they can restraint themselves better and cherish their faith, which makes the promise of not cheating, supervising and impeaching each other work well.

To sum up, though the argument seems to be plausible, in fact, it lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis doesn’t lend strong support to the arguer’s claim. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer would have to provide more specific evidence concerning that honor code really reduce cheating in G, and the situation in G is so universal that it can be used well in other places. Finally, it’s better for the arguer to supply the information about that how to sample and get the statistics.提出了解决办法加入了个人总结
我对作文在之前是完全没有研究的，也没有上过XDF，修改起文章来总觉得没什么思路，因为读的时候我自己都在想“原来还可以这样啊”，所以，对于攻击点，没什么发言权做太多评价，但是觉得作者找的点都比较有力，同时也很充实，我自己也在不断学习。
最后怎么说呢，语言很连贯，过渡也很流畅，但是总有一点生硬的感觉。。。仅只是感觉

seiranzcc1UID: 2514067

完了，我真的不是很会编辑，格式好恶心。。。对不住了

joyceww88UID: 2599492

这么晚还改作文啊，辛苦了。我觉得自己很多东西表达不出来，或者说不能按自己愿意表达出来，就不停查词，查短语什么的。再就是思路不连贯，且没组织好。所以造成文章不那么顺畅，生硬了
中间那个might确实应该加，不过很惭愧的说，我能想到代表可能的词都用过了，有的貌似用重了不少，不想再用重复词就没写上去，不过这样貌似犯得错更大啊····
谢谢指正

irvine666UID: 2575525

说到表示“可能”类似意思的词...我觉得might, should, would足够了，最多再加一个possible(possibility)我以前也喜欢用perhaps/probably/presumably,后来才发现这种大词用起来很不爽，没有小词舒服

joyceww88UID: 2599492

只用这几个词的话，会不会显得重复？？我总感觉写起来每句话都要加上可能才避免绝对化····迷茫ING 10# irvine666