【09年1月-4月】TOEFL作文互改小组 第十三次作业 by 滴滴雨儿

滴滴雨儿UID: 2392741

综合写作

The speaker totally disagrees with thepassage that outside invasion made the Easter Islandsociety decline. In the listening material, the speaker believes that it wasinternal reasons that caused the declination of the Easter Island society and supports her idea with following reasons.

Firstly, as the speaker said, it is sadthat a society didn't have the foresight to sustain itself, especially asociety used to be very prosperous. The islanders used to cut trees to buildlogs so that they could catch fish in the sea. However, they cut too many treesthat when there were no trees left, they can never build new logs anymore andconsequently less fish to eat. Under this circumstance, the Islanders had lessenergy to build huge statues as they used to. By contrast, the passage holdsthe idea that it was all because of the invasion that cause the disappearanceof the trees and statues.

Moreover, the speaker claims that theIslanders didn't believe their old Gods for the reason that they were not asprosperous as they used to be. The Islanders changed their God worship andwished the new God would ensure them a better life. This point is quitedifferent from the passage that the new worship was introduced by outsiders.

滴滴雨儿UID: 2392741

独立写作

When you arrive in a foreign country, which place do you want to visit first? The central park? The modern shopping mall? The answer may vary a lot but as for myself, I would love to visit the national museum because it is the best way to learn about a country.

Firstly, museum is the place where the whole history of the country gathers. Just imagine the beautifully displayed jugs which were dug out with great care and paintings of simple lines and signals indicating the intelligence of our forebears. In the museum, we can learn a country's culture through its history with ease because we are offered the greatest convenience to learn by the interpretation of the museum guide and considerately translated brochures. In my countries, museums are free of charge because it is the best place for people, regardless of their age and nationalities, to learn about this nation. This is also a fair explanation of why many primary schools organize trips to museums for children.

Moreover, museum is not as boring as it used to be. Modern technology in a 3D display room in the museum enables us to travel through time to visit the country from the very beginning to the present. We may watch how pre-historical people build their first tribe and how the modern civilization was built step by step. Modern museum is always a wonderful place for both learning and enjoying.

However, simply visiting a museum cannot show us the entire culture of the country. We may still need to stay for some time, chatting with local people, visiting some place of interests, tasting traditional food with old stories. Of course if we want to learn more, it may require more time for us to experience the details.

To sum up, although there are several methods to learn about a country, visiting a museum is the best and quickest way.

roinyouUID: 2447501

就要上考场了，看到我们的成长历程，我对比了第一篇文章，结构和语言都有比较大的提高，现在应该限时肯定也是没有问题的，我首先要祝贺你，也要给你打气啊。
综合写作，有时间还是加个结论吧，毕竟看的完整一些。
独立我就不太做评比了，特别对于语法，应为对于即将上战场的我们来说，这些也不care了，只能说临时发挥的时候注意检查！
结构上面最好还是分开写，特别是综合上面把statue分割第二段还是比较好的。
最后，祝福你，祝福我，祝福我们每一位gter

考试了UID: 2613528

When you arrive in a foreign country, which place do you want to visit first? The central park? The modern shopping mall?
      ***When you arrive a foreign country, which place do you want to visit first: city parks,  modern shopping malls?  (visit a foreign country, see a place)

The answer may vary a lot but as for myself, I would love to visit the national museum because it is the best way to learn about a country.

*** The answers may vary greatly, but  for me, I would love to visit a national museum because it is the best way to learn about a country. (singular, plural noun as well as article)


Firstly, museum is the place where the whole history of the country gathers.

***Firstly, a museum is the place where the whole history of a country gathers.  ( a museum opens a window for guests to take a glance at a country through its complete course of history.)

Just imagine the beautifully displayed jugs which were dug out with great care and paintings of simple lines and signals indicating the intelligence of our forebears.

***At museums, decorated with paintings of plain lines and symbols,  the deliberately- displayed, beautiful, ancient jugs remind vistors of the wisdom and intelligence of our ancestors. (not sure if I get your point right)

In the museum, we can learn a country's culture through its history with ease because we are offered the greatest convenience to learn by the interpretation of the museum guide and considerately translated brochures.

*** At museums, the deliberately-translated brochures and the verbal introductions from guides make it so convenient and easy for us to learn the country about its culture and history.

In my countries, museums are free of charge because it is the best place for people, regardless of their age and nationalities, to learn about this nation.


***For museums are the best place for people to learn about the nation, they are free, in my country, to everyone regardless of their age, nationality etc. ( my country? vague, be specific.  also, it's not true in china, so be careful or marker will think it wrong and your thesis not well supported. Last, this sentence has logical problem.)

This is also a fair explanation of why many primary schools organize trips to museums for children.

***(vague. what points explain the reasons why schools manage children to visit museums? free of charge or best place to learn?)

Moreover, museum is not as boring as it used to be.

***a museum is not as boring as ... (off the topic, or at least not well support  your thesis)

Modern technology in a 3D display room in the museum enables us to travel through time to visit the country from the very beginning to the present.

***At museums, with the assitance of morden technologies,  we get acquaintance with various aspects of the country from the ancient times up to the present, as if we traveled back through time to the ancient times and experienced, by ourselves,  the various periods of history. (too complicated and long.  a sentence should in no way exceed 25 words.)

We may watch how pre-historical people build their first tribe and how the modern civilization was built step by step.

*** we can learn a lot of knowledge there, from how ancient people built the first tribe to how modern civilizations has been developed step by step.

Modern museum is always a wonderful place for both learning and enjoying.

***Modern museums are always wonderful places for both learning and enjoying. (the best sentence in this essay.)


However, simply visiting a museum cannot show us the entire culture of the country. ***However, only visiting a museum can not have us know the country's entire culture.(contradictary to your thesis, that is, museums are the best place to learn a country.)

We may still need to stay for some time, chatting with local people, visiting some place of interests, tasting traditional food with old stories.

*** Also, now and then, we may need to stay at some places for a while, chatting with local residents, visiting some places to our interests, and trying some legendary traditional food

Of course if we want to learn more, it may require more time for us to experience the details.

***For sure, an in-depth learning of a country takes more time.

To sum up, although there are several methods to learn about a country, visiting a museum is the best and quickest way.

***learning a country may be by various ways, but visiting a museum is the best and quickest one. ( you introduce a fresh new idea- quickest way to learn a country- into your essay in the end. unforturnately, for markers, this idea got nothing supported in your essay, so it's the most failure in the test.)