PassonChen【同主题之ISSUE 30】

PassonChenUID: 2614331

TOPIC: ISSUE30 - "The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time."



It just needs a passing thought for anyone to find that, although man has progressed dramatically in technology compared with several centuries ago, there has never appeared the promising picture that people enjoy more leisure in their lives. Instead, as we can see from the saying "Americans are slaves to nothing but the clock", that an inverse situation has turned out. People today work much longer hours a week than those in the past. The fact sets me thinking: What on earth is the ultimate goal of technologic advancement.


Obviously, it is not appropriate to say that it should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time, partly because of the situation described above. But there is more.

It is not difficult for you to discover that the competition today between both individuals and countries, which derives from the technological headway, is more fierce than ever before. To subsist or succeed in society, one has to receive an education of more than ten years only to gain a basic understanding of those theories and technologies.
And if they are to have expertise, another decade or more is required. This is because in the vast sea of knowledge, individuals with their own small life boat can not cover too large an area with a little time. And not only are they faced with a long time education which brings much challenge and competition, but they are also destined to keep long working schedules. If one company takes pains to modify their productivity, those in the same field will be superseded if they don’t; and if production hikes, salesmen unfortunately have to work harder to promote sales.


Technology advancement, in terms of international relations, will only hasten tensions and even destructive wars, particularly when a technological gap appears between countries. This is more likely to happen, considering that the most advanced technology is intended for military use. I was once told by my tutor, a researcher in electronic information technology, that military technology is usually at least fifteen years more advanced than their commercial counterpart, and the researches are conducted in extreme secrecy. Mankind has experienced new mass destructive weapons during both World Wars; and it will not be surprising that, during the next big war, if there is one, more powerful weapons will show up that have never touched people’s imagination before.


Such competition between individuals and their long working hours will only deprive them of the right to appreciating their leisure time; such tensions and possible wars will only make it impossible for them to have an atmosphere to enjoy their leisure time. The wish to enjoy more leisure time via technological improvement may be fascinating, but it’s unrealistic.


Technological advancement means efficiency, but not only does it suggest less leisure for the current generation, but it also pre-draws from the leisure bank of later generations. What we can perceive from those advanced technologies is the overburden of nature: Global warming is accelerated to such an extent that the rise of average temperature of the atmosphere in the past 150 years is greater than that during the two millenniums before. Natural resources are consumed at such a high speed that, according to a top society which launched a campaign to predict the future, coal and petroleum will be used up in just 30 years! Although they hold that breakthroughs in science and technology will prevent man from suffering the disasters brought about by overexploit of natural resources, I am still worried by the certainty of the harm which man do to nature and the uncertainty of such breakthroughs. If man fail to breakthrough, what the generation in the future will confront is easy to imagine: Double competition from both other people and nature.

In all, improving worker’s efficiency is not so important as maintaining a harmonious relationship between individuals, between countries, and between man and nature. I can only call devil such technological improvement as is against the formation of such a relationship. Man, instead of being arrogant about their technological advancement, should realize that, in pursuing it, they are playing with fire!

米饭袜子UID: 2532172

It just needs a passing thought for anyone to find that, although man has progressed dramatically in technology compared with several centuries ago, there has（这个错误忒经典了，我就不多说了）
never appeared the promising picture that people enjoy more leisure in their lives. Instead, as we can see from the saying "Americans are slaves to nothing but the clock", that an inverse situation has turned out. People today work much longer hours a week than those in the past. The fact sets me thinking: What on earth is the ultimate goal of technologic advancement.
(引子：美国人是时钟的奴隶，指出技术进步反而减少了人们闲暇的现象，然后进入反思)

Obviously, it is not appropriate to say that it should be to（？）
increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time, partly because of the situation described above. But there is more.

It is not difficult for you to discover that the competition today between both individuals and countries, which derives from the technological headway, is more fierce than ever before. To subsist or succeed in society, one has to receive an education of more than ten years only to gain a basic understanding of those theories and technologies.
And if they are to have expertise, another decade or more is required. This is because（chinglish） in the vast sea of knowledge, individuals with their own small life boat can not cover too large an area with a little time. And not only are they faced with a long time education which brings much challenge and competition, but they are also destined to keep long working schedules. If one company takes pains to modify their productivity, those in the same field will be superseded if they don’t(不解); and if production hikes, salesmen unfortunately have to work harder to promote sales.
（技术的进步导致人与人的竞争加剧，表现在：1，学习时间加长，因为知识的庞杂；2，工作时间加长，因为研发需要投入大量人力物力；生产力的提高又需销售人员工作更长时间。）

Technology advancement, in terms of international relations, will only hasten tensions and even destructive wars, particularly when a technological gap appears between countries. This is more likely to happen, considering that the most advanced technology is intended for military use. I was once told by my tutor, a researcher in electronic information technology, that military technology is usually at least fifteen years more advanced than their commercial counterpart, and the researches are conducted in extreme secrecy. Mankind has experienced new mass destructive weapons during both World Wars; and it will not be surprising that, during the next big war, if there is one, more powerful weapons will show up that have never touched people’s imagination before.
（技术进步导致国际关系的紧张，表现在：1，军事技术是最先进的技术，也是最保密的技术；2技术的差距会加大这一紧张系；3，两次世界大战中都出现了前所未有的先进武器）
（这扯远了吧，既跟你要证的leisure time米关系，又跟题目要证的should米关系）

Such competition between individuals and their long working hours will only deprive them of the right to appreciating their leisure time; such tensions and possible wars will only make it impossible for them to have an atmosphere to enjoy their leisure time. The wish to enjoy more leisure time via technological improvement may be fascinating, but it’s unrealistic.
（总结：想通过技术进步获得闲暇理想是好的，但是不切实际）
你上一段是为了说明这个？如果不是，那就是废话

Technological advancement means efficiency, but not only does it suggest less leisure for the current generation, but it also pre-draws from the leisure bank of later generations.(?不懂) What we can perceive from those advanced technologies is the overburden of nature: Global warming is accelerated to such an extent that the rise of average temperature of the atmosphere in the past 150 years is greater than that during the two millenniums before. Natural resources are consumed at such a high speed that, according to a top society which launched a campaign to predict the future, coal and petroleum will be used up in just 30 years! Although they hold that breakthroughs in science and technology will prevent man from suffering the disasters brought about by overexploit of natural resources, I am still worried by(wrorry about) the certainty of the harm which man do to nature and the uncertainty of such breakthroughs. If man fail to breakthrough, what the generation in the future will confront is easy to imagine: Double competition from both other people and nature.(太chinglish了吧)
（技术进步对后代的影响：1，温室效应加速；2，自然资源消耗加速。这让他们面对更加剧烈的竞争，一方面来自人，另一方面来自自然。这些竞争让他们的闲暇不可能）
这和上面要证明的是一个问题？

In all, improving worker’s efficiency is not so important as maintaining a harmonious relationship between individuals, between countries, and between man and nature. I can only call devil such technological improvement as is against the formation of such a relationship. Man, instead of being arrogant about their technological advancement, should realize that, in pursuing it, they are playing with fire!
（总结：追求技术进步是在玩火，人类不应当骄傲而应当谨小慎微。如果技术进步不能促进人与人，人与自然的和谐，那就让他见鬼去吧！）
Summary：要不是看你的中文注解，我恐怕完全不知道你要说啥，上下段没有衔接性，感觉很跳。你注解出来了，就算我一开始觉得不是那个意思，看了你的注解也觉得有道理了，逻辑方面就没啥说的了。语言方面chinglish的地方太多。这都不是主要问题，主要问题是窃以为你跑题了，全篇都在论述技术进步的种种不好，那我们到底应不应该把efficiency作为科研的目的？这是题目关心的也是读者关心的，可是从你的文章里看不出来。另外开头结尾很诡异地在说两个问题。。。。。。

但这篇文也有优点~在论述科技对人类影响这方面思路很开阔。学习了~

PassonChenUID: 2614331

there has（这个错误忒经典了，我就不多说了）
never appeared the promising picture that people enjoy more leisure in their lives这个绝对没错！
This is because（chinglish）
Double competition from both other people and nature.(太chinglish了吧)
这两个不算中式英语吧？能给一个中式英语的定义吗？
If one company takes pains to modify their productivity, those in the same field will be superseded if they don’t(不解);
如果某个公司努力提高生产力，同一领域的其它公司如果不这样做就会被淘汰。
我跑题了。确实。把自己的反科学立场大写了一通，没管什么题目不题目。准备好好调整一下自己的写作策略。
谢谢了。
er.net/bbs/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=1772555111&ptid=937288]2#[/url] 米饭袜子

米饭袜子UID: 2532172

there has（这个错误忒经典了，我就不多说了）

这个不是there be 句型和have句型的混杂问题么？这样可以？

This is because（chinglish）
Double competition from both other people and nature.(太chinglish了吧)
这两个不算中式英语吧？能给一个中式英语的定义吗？

所谓chinglish倒不是说你的句子有问题，而是觉得表达很像直接翻译中文没有英文的感觉

If one company takes pains to modify their productivity, those in the same field will be superseded if they don’t(不解);
如果某个公司努力提高生产力，同一领域的其它公司如果不这样做就会被淘汰

如果是这样翻译的话，这个modify用的不合适

PassonChenUID: 2614331

there has（这个错误忒经典了，我就不多说了）
never appeared the promising picture that people enjoy more leisure in their lives
THERE是一个副词，提到句首要倒装，主语置于谓语之后。谓语可以是BE动词，也可以是实义动词；THERE BE 句型只是这种倒装中常用的一种而已。
我这里是：there has appeared+主语；
其它的例子如：there existed sth. there goes sth. there comes sth.

PassonChenUID: 2614331

自改： TOPIC: ISSUE30 - "The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time." It just needs a passing thought for anyone to find that, although man has progressed dramatically in technology compared with several centuries ago, there has never appeared the promising picture that people enjoy more leisure in their lives. Instead, as we can see from the saying "Americans are slaves to nothing but the clock", that an inverse situation has turned out. People today work much longer hours a week than those in the past. The fact sets me thinking: What on earth is the ultimate goal of technologic advancement. Obviously, it is not appropriate to say that it should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time, partly because of the situation described above. But there is more. It is not difficult for you to discover that the competition today between both individuals and countries, which derives from the technological headway, is more fierce than ever before. To subsist or succeed in society, one has to receive an education of more than ten years only to gain a basic understanding of those theories and technologies. And if they are to have expertise, another decade or more is required. This is because in the vast sea of knowledge, individuals with their own small life boat can not cover too large an area with a little time. And not only are they faced with a long time education which brings much challenge and competition, but they are also destined to keep long working schedules. If one company takes pains to modify their productivity, those in the same field will be superseded if they don’t; and if production hikes, salesmen unfortunately have to work harder to promote sales. Technology advancement, in terms of international relations, will only hasten tensions and even destructive wars, particularly when a technological gap appears between countries. This is more likely to happen, considering that the most advanced technology is intended for military use. I was once told by my tutor, a researcher in electronic information technology, that military technology is usually at least fifteen years more advanced than their commercial counterpart, and the researches are conducted in extreme secrecy. Mankind has experienced new mass destructive weapons during both World Wars; and it will not be surprising that, during the next big war, if there is one, more powerful weapons will show up that have never touched people’s imagination before. Such competition between individuals and their long working hours will only deprive them of the right to appreciating their leisure time; such tensions and possible wars will only make it impossible for them to have an atmosphere to enjoy their leisure time. The wish to enjoy more leisure time via technological improvement may be fascinating, but it’s illusive. Technological advancement means efficiency, but not only does it suggest less leisure for the current generation, but it also pre-draws from the bank of leisure of future generations. What we can perceive from those advanced technologies is the overburden of nature: Global warming is accelerated to such an extent that the rise of average temperature of the atmosphere in the past 150 years is greater than that during the two millenniums before. Natural resources are consumed at such a high speed that, according to a top society which launched a campaign to predict the future, coal and petroleum will be used up in just 30 years! Although they hold that breakthroughs in science and technology will prevent man from suffering the disasters brought about by overexploit of natural resources, I am still worried by the certainty of the harm which man do to nature and the uncertainty of such breakthroughs. If man fail to breakthrough, what the generation in the future will confront is easy to imagine: Double competition from both other people and nature. In all, improving worker’s efficiency is not so important as maintaining a harmonious relationship between individuals, between countries, and between man and nature. I can only call devil such technological improvement as is against the formation of such a relationship. Man, instead of being arrogant about their technological advancement, should realize that, in pursuing it, they are playing with fire!

米饭袜子UID: 2532172

there has（这个错误忒经典了，我就不多说了）
never appeared the promising picture that people enjoy more leisure in their lives
THERE是一个副词，提到句首要倒装，主语置于谓语之后。谓语可以是BE动词，也 ...
PassonChen 发表于 2009-4-10 18:29

啊啊，我又看了一遍，确实是我理解错了，抱歉啊，谢谢指正^^

Alex_2009UID: 2616286

TOPIC: ISSUE30 - "The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time."

红色：建议修改
蓝色：不错的
紫色：个人建议

It just needs a passing thought for anyone to find that, although man has progressed dramatically in technology compared with several centuries ago, there has never appeared the promising picture that people enjoy more leisure in their lives. Instead, as we can see from the saying "Americans are slaves to nothing but the clock"（这句不太懂诶）, that an inverse situation has turned out. People today work much longer hours a week than those in the past. The fact sets me thinking: What on earth is the ultimate goal of technologic advancement.

Obviously, it is not appropriate（最好用一个词，精炼点，如unapt） to say that it should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time, partly because of the situation described above. But there is more.

It is not difficult for you(建议避免用这样的人称，不太好，就像中文作文一个道理) to discover that the competition today between both individuals and countries, which derives from the technological headway, is more fierce than ever before. To subsist or succeed in society, one has to receive an education of more than ten years only to gain a basic understanding of those theories and technologies.
And if they are to have expertise, another decade or more is required. This is because in the vast sea of knowledge, individuals with their own small life boat can not cover too large an area with a little time. And not only are they faced with a long time education which brings much challenge and competition, but they are also destined to keep long working schedules. If one company takes pains to modify(improve) their productivity, those in the same field will be superseded if they don’t; and if production hikes, salesmen unfortunately have to work harder to promote sales.(这个例子develop的不错)

Technology advancement, in terms of international relations, will only hasten tensions and even destructive wars, particularly when a technological gap appears between countries. This is more likely to happen, considering that the most advanced technology is intended for military use. I was once told by my tutor, a researcher in electronic information technology, that military technology is usually at least fifteen years more advanced than their commercial counterpart, and the researches are conducted in extreme secrecy. Mankind has experienced new mass destructive weapons during both World Wars; and it will not be surprising that, during the next big war, if there is one, more powerful weapons will show up that have never touched people’s imagination before.

Such competition between individuals and their long working hours will only deprive them of the right to appreciating their leisure time; such tensions and possible wars will only make it impossible for them to have an atmosphere to enjoy their leisure time. The wish to enjoy more leisure time via technological improvement may be fascinating, but it’s illusive.

Technological advancement means efficiency, but not only does it suggest less leisure for the current generation, but it also pre-draws from the bank of leisure of future generations. What we can perceive from those advanced technologies is the overburden of nature: Global warming is accelerated to such an extent that the rise of average temperature of the atmosphere in the past 150 years is greater than that during the two millenniums before. Natural resources are consumed at such a high speed that, according to a top society which launched a campaign to predict the future, coal and petroleum will be used up in just 30 years! Although they hold that breakthroughs in science and technology will prevent man from suffering the disasters brought about by overexploit of natural resources, I am still worried by the certainty of the harm which man do to nature and the uncertainty of such breakthroughs. If man fail to breakthrough, what the generation in the future will confront is easy to imagine: Double competition from both other people and nature.（这一段貌似不知道什么用意，貌似和主题意思有些。。。额。。再考虑考虑）

In all, improving worker’s efficiency is not so important as maintaining a harmonious relationship between individuals, between countries, and between man and nature. I can only call devil such technological improvement as is against the formation of such a relationship. Man, instead of being arrogant about their technological advancement, should realize that, in pursuing it, they are playing with fire!

感觉文章的用词比较好，基本没什么低级错误。
有些段落如第二段分析的不错，但有些段落貌似有点不知所云，可能是我没读出真正意思，建议对文章的主旨和结构再考虑考虑。