〓DIES IN FLAMS〓 Issue7 by jessicalulu

jessicaluluUID：2471730

7. "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."

As the technology develops at a high speed today, more and more advanced equipment booms to record our lives, the most common one of which is the video camera. Some people claims that since it can provide a more accurate and convincing record than the traditional documentation, it should be regarded as a more useful tool to us; while as far as I am concerned, the documentation, enjoys a superiority over the video camera in the wider application of it. And if we want to record our life accurately and widely, we'd better apply these tools respectively.

Admittedly, the video camera can save a period of life more accurately than the form of documentation. The video benefits a lot from the developed technology in recording visions and voices, which defeats the traditional way of writing or describing. A record or a video will reflect the temporal situation with adequate details for us to recall, while to document a situation needs more people and their concentrations, even though, it is quite possible for us to leave some details behind, since every people hold a subjective eye on the world and they will miss something consciously or unconsciously. Of course, they also have the possibility to transfuse their own personal insights into the documentation, as a result of that, the documentation is inequitable and unbelievable. We can take the advantage of video cameras now in the banks, courts and many other situations that only documentations can not meet the immediately and accurately recording demands. Further more, Video camera has an advantage in recording the wonderful moment, such as the ceremony, sports and so on. When we retrospecting the exciting moment when athletes won the gold medal, or the grand ceremony of the Olympic games, we are better informed through videos than any written records.　

However, although the documentation can not provide an accurate and convincing environment for the people to recall all the previous details, it plays an important role in acquiring the information widely, easily and unconstraintly without spatial and time limits. There is no guarantee that every victim or witness in a crime case has a video camera along, and record the whole process, actually, the most common way we use to investigate a case is to interview the victims and witness and then to document their descriptions and thoughts. If we rely too much on the video camera and limit our trusts to the documentations, the possible result we will suffer from is that the murderer will get away with his crime if no video evidence can be provided to justify his crime. Further more, documentations are always more convenient and flexible than video cameras. We can always carry a small notebook in our pockets. When we see something happen, we can immediately write down it at the very first time. What about video cameras? Obviously they are too large in volume, and thus restrain the convenience.

What's more, as the video cameras and documentation both have their advantages, we should compound them together. With the video camera, we can record the temporal details and analyze or even recur the original situation later, and with adequate documentations, we are easily to investigate more people and get more ideas and evidences about what we want to know. The court now admit not only the video but also the documentations as evidences to justify a crime, is a best illustration to the combination of these two methods.

To sum up, no matter how accurate a world the video camera will bring to us, or how convenient it is to document evidences widely, we should not leave either of them under the advantage of the other. Or we will lead a world without colors or one lack of credibility, both of which distort the original purpose of record. On the contrary, it is a no better way for us to use them in different situations as their functions differ.

关于法庭那个例子，其实我个人感觉写得不是很好，说服力也不太强。暂且搁在这里吧，慢慢改。

tracywlzUID：2522388

我个人觉得逻辑有点小问题。
文章开头提出And if we want to record our life accurately and widely, we'd better apply these tools respectively. accurately and widely 就应该被当成本文论证的重点，然而除了后面的诚然肯定了documentation难以提供准确和广泛性外，后面就去说documentation的优点去了，好像与准确广泛无关了~~然后总结又基本否定了accurately and widely 的重要性。所以感觉可以改改开头的重点~~
我是菜鸟啊，如果有什么不准确，请多多包涵~~

jessicaluluUID：2471730

字太小了～～～
晚点帮你看
话说我的都不敢上传
yyx017 发表于 2009-4-5 07:41

呃，字还小啊，话说语法错误可能一箩筐，而且跟我列的提纲不太一样哈，将就看，使劲PIA，唉。。。懒惰的我。。。

winning1030UID：2538401

As the technology develops at a high speed today, more and more advanced equipment booms to record our lives, the most common one of which is the video camera. Some people claims that since it can provide a more accurate and convincing record than the traditional documentation, it should be regarded as a more useful tool to us; while as far as I am concerned, the documentation, enjoys a superiority over the video camera in the wider application of it. And if we want to record our life accurately and widely, we'd better apply these tools respectively.

Admittedly, the video camera can save a period of life more accurately(删) than the form of documentation. The video benefits(people) a lot from the(with) developed technology in recording visions and voices, which defeats the traditional way of writing or describing. A record or a video will reflect the temporal situation with adequate details for us to recall, while to document a situation needs more people and their concentrations, even though, it is quite possible for us to leave some details behind, since every people hold a subjective eye on the world and they will miss something consciously or unconsciously. Of course, they also have the possibility to transfuse their own personal insights into the documentation, as a result of that, the documentation is inequitable and unbelievable. We can take the advantage of video cameras now in the banks, courts and many other situations that only(traditional) documentations can not meet the immediately and accurately recording demands. Further more, Video camera has an advantage in recording the wonderful moment, such as the ceremony, sports and so on. When we retrospecting(retrospect)the exciting moment when athletes won the gold medal, or the grand ceremony of the Olympic games, we are better informed through videos than any written records.这段逻辑比较混乱。你的主题句是第一句，v可以节省更多时间。但是你在论证这个论点时，又加入了V更周（记录到细节）到更客观，最后又添加v的记录更生动。建议你把主题句改下
However, although the(traditional) documentation can not provide an accurate and convincing environment for the people to recall all the previous details, it plays an important role in acquiring the information widely, easily and unconstraintly without spatial and time limits. There is no guarantee that every victim or witness in a crime case has a video camera along, and record the whole process, actually, the most common way we use to investigate a case is to interview the victims and witness and then to document their descriptions and thoughts. If we rely too much on the video camera and limit our trusts to the documentations, the possible result we will suffer from is that the murderer will get away with his crime if no video evidence can be provided to justify his crime.（这个例子不支持你的论点哦。有个问题，就是题目中的documentation有2种，一个v一个w，所以你不要用the documentation来指代，我不知道你到底指的是哪一个。对于比较浅显的句子我可以判断。但从你这个例子里，我不知道你指代的是哪个，我有2种理解。但是，我觉得无论是哪一种，这个论据都和你的论点很无关） Further more, documentations are always more convenient and flexible than video cameras. We can always carry a small notebook in our pockets. When we see something happen, we can immediately write down it at the very first time. What about video cameras? Obviously they are too large in volume, and thus restrain the convenience.

What's more, as the video cameras and documentation both have their advantages, we should compound（用法不对，换词） them together. With the video camera, we can record the temporal details and analyze or even recur the original situation later, and with adequate documentations, we are easily to investigate more people and get more ideas and evidences about what we want to know. The court now admit not only the video but also the documentations as evidences to justify a crime, is a best illustration to the combination of these two methods.

To sum up, no matter how accurate a world the video camera will bring to us, or how convenient it is to document evidences widely, we should not leave either of them under the advantage of the other. Or we will lead a world without colors or one lack of credibility, both of which distort the original purpose of record. On the contrary, it is a no better way for us to use them in different situations as their functions differ.

逻辑不够清晰，证人的例子很纠结，难句长句虽然很多，但不够流畅（这也是我的问题之一）。但是lulu得论证很全面，语法几乎也没问题。

seiranzcc1UID：2514067

As the technology develops at a high speed today, more and more advanced equipment booms to record our lives, the most common one of which is the video camera. Some people claims that since it can provide a more accurate and convincing record than the traditional documentation, it should be regarded as a more useful tool to us;虽然不知道影响多大，但是题目是一个事实性问题，用should这种倾向性论证是不妥的 while as far as I am concerned, the documentation, enjoys a superiority over the video camera in the wider application of it. And if we want to record our life accurately and widely, we'd better apply these tools respectively.

Admittedly, the video camera can save a period of life more accurately than the form of documentation. The video benefits a lot from the developed technology in recording visions and voices, which defeats the traditional way of writing or describing. A record or a video will reflect the temporal situation with adequate details for us to recall, while to document a situation needs more people and their concentrations, even though, it is quite possible for us to leave some details behind, since every people hold a subjective eye on the world and they will miss something consciously or unconsciously. Of course, they also have the possibility to transfuse their own personal insights into the documentation, as a result of that, the documentation is inequitable and unbelievable. We can take the advantage of video cameras now in the banks, courts and many other situations that only documentations can not meet the immediately and accurately recording demands. Further more, Video camera has an advantage in recording the wonderful moment, such as the ceremony, sports and so on. When we retrospecting retrospect the exciting moment when athletes won the gold medal, or the grand ceremony of the Olympic games, we are better informed through videos than any written records.　

However, although the documentation can not provide an accurate and convincing environment for the people to recall all the previous details, it plays an important role in acquiring the information widely, easily and unconstraintly without spatial and time limits. 很好的转折There is no guarantee that every victim or witness in a crime case has a video camera along, and record the whole process, actually, the most common way we use to investigate a case is to interview the victims and witness and then to document their descriptions and thoughts. If we rely too much on the video camera and limit our trusts to the documentations, the possible result we will suffer from is that the murderer will get away with his crime if no video evidence can be provided to justify his crime. Further more, documentations are always more convenient and flexible than video cameras. We can always carry a small notebook in our pockets. When we see something happen, we can immediately write down it at the very first time. What about video cameras? Obviously they are too large in volume, and thus restrain the convenience.

What's more, as the video cameras and documentation both have their advantages, we should compound them together. With the video camera, we can record the temporal details and analyze or even recur the original situation later, and with adequate documentations, we are easily to investigate more people and get more ideas and evidences about what we want to know. The court now admit not only the video but also the documentations as evidences to justify a crime, is a best illustration to the combination of these two methods.

To sum up, no matter how accurate a world the video camera will bring to us, or how convenient it is to document evidences widely, we should not leave either of them under the advantage of the other. Or we will lead a world without colors or one lack of credibility, both of which distort the original purpose of record. On the contrary, it is a no better way for us to use them in different situations as their functions differ.
论证很清晰，逻辑清楚，唯一的问题就是开头，一般来说用should来提这种事实性问题是不太妥当的。个人观点，请指教昂~