〓DIES IN FLAMES〓 Issue7 ,30,119 by 艾尘草

艾尘草UID: 2591798

The speaker argues that the video camera has become a more important form of documentation because of its convincing and accurate quality. I strongly disagree with the contention for the following reasons.
What a video provides may not be a convincing and accurate one. Clearly, a video can record what’s going on more vividly and lively. It can be remembered by the camera when Adolf Hitler, in 1938 begin his mad behavior and hold the Olympics games in a shocking way. However, the video-processing technology also crystallized a belief within our deep mind that a video camera can recorded everything accurate, and a man-made video camera is accessible. These days has seen a video description of UFO seems accurate and convincing only to turn to be an artificial video.
Nonetheless, the written records, in some area, are a more important form of documents than the camera. In the first place, the written documents are superior and more important for some purpose. The written documents is more portable and people have more opts to select the field they interested in. Secondly, when we point out that the records if of importance, we should not limit it to the accuracy and convince quality of the documents. accuracy and convince are too far away from enough. A important form of documents should be defined as one ,which is charactered of sanitation of the will-being society, accuracy and convince , or innovational and evolutional theory of society improvement. Thus, considering only accuracy and convince as the judgments of a important record, in short, flies in the face of the empirical evidence, as I see it. Thirdly, the video camera is disadvantageous to the written words for it’s experience and sophist operation procedure.
In sum, although the statement has merit, is unfairly generalized. The written records and video camera, which both can be accurate and convincing, a re of the same importance in the documentation, and they just emphasizes in different part: video camera can reflect the contemporary life in more than one dimension of view, while written documentation are concentrated on a subjective state of mind, views of the society or a good-will blessing for the whole world。
写的很差劲 继续努力~~DIE IN FLAMES

米饭袜子UID: 2532172

The speaker argues that the video camera has become a more important form of documentation because of its convincing and accurate quality. I strongly disagree with the contention for the following reasons（开头简洁明了）


What a video provides may not be a convincing and accurate one(额。。这里有点突兀，开头加个表示firstly的词或者短语啥的会好一点). Clearly, a video can record what’s going on more vividly and lively. It can be remembered by the camera when Adolf Hitler, in 1938 begin his mad behavior and hold the Olympics games in a shocking way. However, the video-processing technology also crystallized a belief within our deep mind that a video camera can recorded everything accurate, and a man-made video camera is accessible（这里之前其实都可以不要，这段你主要说明为啥What a video provides may not be a convincing and accurate one就行了，显然后面这个UFO事件才是证据但论述有点少）. These days has seen a video description of UFO seems accurate and convincing only to turn to be an artificial video.


Nonetheless（感觉这个词用在这很不顺啊）, the written records, in some area, are a more important form of documents than the camera. In the first place, the written documents are superior and more important for some purpose. The written documents is more portable and people have more opts to select the field they interested in.（纯理论，请举例分析） Secondly, when we point out that the records if of importance, we should not limit it to the accuracy and convince quality of the documents. accuracy and convince are too far away from enough. A（an）
important form of documents should be defined as one ,which is charactered of sanitation of the will-being society, accuracy and convince , or innovational and evolutional theory of society improvement. Thus, considering only accuracy and convince as the judgments of a important record, in short, flies in the face of the empirical evidence, as I see it. Thirdly, the video camera is disadvantageous to the written words for it’s experience and sophist operation procedure.（纯理论，请举例分析）
（这段的问题就是只列123观点缺少具体分析，只有观点是不能说服人的）
In sum, although the statement has merit, is unfairly generalized. The written records and video camera, which both can be accurate and convincing, a re of the same importance in the documentation, and they just emphasizes in different part: video camera can reflect the contemporary life in more than one dimension of view, while written documentation are concentrated on a subjective state of mind, views of the society or a good-will blessing for the whole world。开头结尾都很不错的说
Summary:观点很明确，语言很好很简练，条理很清晰，逻辑也米问题，就是缺少具体论证，如果把具体的东西补上，会是一篇很不错的文章

tracywlzUID: 2522388

〓DIES IN FLAMES〓　Issue7 ,30,119 by 艾尘草

The speaker argues that the video camera has become a more important form of documentation because of its convincing and accurate quality. I strongly disagree with the contention for the following reasons. What a video provides may not be a convincing and accurate one. Clearly, a video can record what’s going on more vividly and lively. It can be remembered by the camera when Adolf Hitler, in 1938 begin his mad behavior and hold the Olympics games in a shocking way.（例子很好） However, the video-processing technology also crystallized a belief within our deep mind that a video camera can recorded everything accurate, and a man-made video camera is accessible. （我觉得此处应该深入讨论）These days has seen a video description of UFO seems accurate and convincing only to turn to be an artificial video（2动词~！主语不明确！）. Nonetheless, the written records, in some area, are a more important form of documents than the camera. In the first place, the written documents are superior and more important for some purpose. The written documents is more portable and people have more opts to select the field they interested in. （继续阐述啊~为什么文档更加轻便，人们能有更多选择？）Secondly, when we point out that the records if of importance, we should not limit it to the accuracy and convince quality of the documents. accuracy and convince are too far away from enough. A important form of documents should be defined as one ,which is charactered of sanitation of the will-being society（没看懂，卫生？）, accuracy and convince , or innovational and evolutional theory of society improvement. Thus, considering only accuracy and convince as the judgments of a important record, in short, flies in the face of the empirical evidence, as I see it. Thirdly, the video camera is disadvantageous to the written words for it’s experience and sophist operation procedure. In sum, although the statement has merit, is unfairly generalized. The written records and video camera, which both can be accurate and convincing, a re of the same importance in the documentation, and they just emphasizes in different part: video camera can reflect the contemporary life in more than one dimension of view（多余）, while written documentation are concentrated on a subjective state of mind, views of the society or a good-will blessing for the whole world。 模板化有些明显了~结构还需提高。观点仅仅是点到，缺乏分析和阐述。词汇的使用还不错，但是句子结构有些混乱。希望自己多多修改。继续努力~

cjluUID: 2448066

    The speaker argues that the video camera has become a more important form of documentation because of its convincing and accurate quality. I strongly disagree with the contention for the following reasons.（我个人还是倾向于不要这么直接的强硬反对。因为毕竟有人这么说就一定有一些他自己的道理，我们是不是可以批判的接受他呢？^^）

What a video provides may not be a convincing and accurate one.（第一句既然这么说了，那么按照一般人的心理预期，第二句应该是论证你这样说的理由才对。可是小艾你突然又转折了一下，就显得比较突兀了。要不用个转折词？^^） Clearly, a video can record what’s going on more vividly and lively. It can be remembered by the camera when Adolf Hitler, in 1938 begin his mad behavior and hold the Olympics games in a shocking way. （这个例子能不能大概解释一下，说一下shocking way到底是什么。对于像我这样不了解是怎么回事的人来说，这个例子什么都没说就显得很不知所云）However, the video-processing technology also crystallized a belief within our deep mind that a video camera can recorded everything accurate, and a man-made video camera is accessible. These days has seen a video description of UFO seems accurate and convincing only to turn to be an artificial video.整体来说，这一段如果能把例子展开下，逻辑顺序稍微换一下就会非常好了^^

Nonetheless, the written records, in some area, are a more important form of documents than the camera. In the first place, the written documents are superior and more important for some purpose. The written documents is more portable and people have more opts to select the field they interested in（为什么用纸质的东西会有更多领域的选择呢？我不太明白这一句话是想说明什么）. Secondly, when we point out that the records if of importance, we should not limit it to the accuracy and convince quality of the documents. accuracy and convince are too far away from enough. A important form of documents should be defined as one ,which is charactered of sanitation of the will-being society, accuracy and convince , or innovational and evolutional theory of society improvement（有好多高级词汇呀^^）. Thus, considering only accuracy and convince as the judgments of a important record, in short, flies in the face of the empirical evidence, as I see it. Thirdly, the video camera is disadvantageous to the written words for it’s experience and sophist operation procedure.我个人推荐还是不要再用firstly, secondly, thirdly这样的词……原来使太多了，现在一看见就觉得……那个。呵呵^^就是用的话感觉连接有点生硬~这个论点找挺好的，希望可以找到一些例子或者更具体的论述去支持它，可能会更好一些^^

In sum, although the statement has merit, is unfairly generalized. The written records and video camera, which both can be accurate and convincing, a re of the same importance in the documentation, and they just emphasizes in different part: video camera can reflect the contemporary life in more than one dimension of view, while written documentation are concentrated on a subjective state of mind, views of the society or a good-will blessing for the whole world。小艾开头口气很强硬的，可是论述的时候又不是很争锋相对，有点那种承认它的意思，而这种态度到了结尾段就更明显了。所以是不是开头不要写得那么强硬比较好呢？^^

    整体来说还好，就是举例的时候详细一点，论证的时候深入一点，我想那样会更精彩吧。否则有种刚看了开头有点意思了还想往下看却蓦然发现已经结束了，到另一个分论点了的感觉。而且更重要的是，这样子写字数会不够呀^^嗯，有什么问题我们再讨论^^