〓DIES IN FLAMS〓 Issue30 by jessicalulu

jessicaluluUID: 2471730

30"The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time."

When retrospecting the history of technological development, we can consider technology as a tool of human beings to adjust, explore, and reform the nature. With the help of technology, people’s lives tend to become more comfortable, intellectual, and easier than before, and we are achieving the primary goal to enhance people’s efficiency. However, the leisure time dose not increase by virtue of the great efficiency. Get more leisure time can be regarded as an ideal status which is hardly to achieve.

In modern times, when people satisfy their basic need of survive, they begin to find new methods to improve their lives, so a lot of technological achievements reached. Automation releases people from the tedious handwork and greatly improves efficiency and productivity. For example, the large-scale use of machine in temporary factories, has accelerated factory’s production rate, they could produce more commodities in each unit time. Another case in point is computer, the most famous invention in the 20th century. The functions of computers have greatly impact on everybody's daily lives. We can take advantage of computer treating the complex and enormous data within just a few seconds which task maybe cost us one year to accomplish. Moreover, we can use computer to find out useful information and needn’t to take trouble to look up original papers which save a lot of time for researchers. Computer can help us achieve what we want as quickly as possible and finally increase people's efficiency.

Admittedly, technological advancement bring out the improved efficiencies, the real leisure time should not increase in such tech-society, keeping in pace with the technologies actually depletes our time. Facing with the development of technology, progress of society, the higher pressure, fierce competition and even people’s aspiration of self-realization, how to spend the so-called leisure time become an attractive problem. More and more people choose to attend a training to improve their self-qualities, or spend time to achieve more jobs for their material and psychic demand. They are forced to pay more attention on and spend more time in working. A survey can be used as an example to support above point, conduced by an authoritative organization of America, claims that average working time per week has been increased from 40 hours in 1960 to 60 hours nowadays. Therefore, insatiable demand, which is human nature, leads the result that people are engaged than any other times. Their desire for more production and competitive society urge them to occupy much energy and time in working in order to keep up with increasingly fast pace of the society.

What’s more, technological production also make people’s in trouble except benefits, just as we know, dealing with the environmental pollution, maintaining and operating the equipments, resolving the problems when the technical equipments have something wrong and failing to run. That may waste people a lot of time to deal with them above all. So the real leisure time is not increasing at all.

To sum up, along with the rapid technological advancement, the working efficiency of common people has greatly promoted and requires people to spend much time to continuously learn new technological knowledge, therefore occupying much spare time. In addition, the real spare time should be regarded as a dreamboat which representatives people’s thirst for living leisureful, but it is hard to realize for human nature and the secondary social problems.


终于完成了呼呼～个人觉得比119写得要好一点，那篇最恶。。。

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哇 沙发！

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When retrospecting the history of technological development, we can consider technology as a tool of human beings to adjust, explore, and reform the删 nature. With the help of technology, people’s lives tend to become more comfortable, intellectual, and easier than before, and we are achieving the primary goal to enhance people’s efficiency. However, the leisure time dose not increase by virtue of the great efficiency. Get more leisure time can be regarded as an ideal status which is hardly to achieve.

In modern times, when people and their basic need of survival are satisfied , they begin to find new methods to improve their lives, so这里我个人意见把so删了，后面改成短句。长短结合嘛·~ a lot of technological achievements  were reached. Automation releases people from the tedious handwork and greatly improves efficiency and productivity. For example, the large-scale use of machine in temporary factories, has accelerated factory’s production rate, they could produce more commodities in each unit time. Another case in point is computer, the most famous invention in the 20th century. The functions of computers have greatly impact on everybody's daily lives. We can take advantage of computer treating the complex and enormous data within just a few seconds which task maybe cost us one year to accomplish. Moreover, we can use computer to find out useful information and needn’t to take trouble to look up original papers which save a lot of time for researchers. Computer can help us achieve what we want as quickly as possible and finally increase people's efficiency.那么长长的例子只是为了蓝色那句话，而且斜体的又是为了补充 解释上一句的内容。显得很不干练。例子嘛，尤其是这种众所周知的，小排比一个，既有气势又有调调~嘿嘿。。（厚着脸皮）我119的开头jessi可以看看哈~另外此段中心就是蓝色那句，和上一段所要说明的内容似乎不是很连贯，上段是要说leisure time的不可得到性，这段却是只字未提。

Admittedly, technological advancement bring out the improved efficiencies, the real leisure time should not increase in such tech-society, keeping in pace with the technologies actually depletes our time. Facing with the development of technology, progress of society, the higher pressure, fierce competition and even people’s aspiration of self-realization, how to spend the so-called leisure time become an attractive problem. 这个，一边说l time的稀少，一边说大家关注怎样spend，额？矛盾有点。。把leisure time 那里改成time after work 可能好些 More and more people choose to attend a training to improve their self-qualities, or spend time to achieve more jobs for their material and psychic demand. They are forced to pay more attention on and spend more time in working. 忍不住问个why，只是给了事实缺少深入的分析。。A survey can be used as an example to support above point, conduced by an authoritative organization of America, 这些我感觉都是无关内容建议删之。。claims that average working time per week has been increased from 40 hours in 1960 to 60 hours nowadays.这个调查说的貌似是工作时间不是l time 的工作。跟前面的说理结合不紧密。。（我怎么觉得我像在阿狗额。。） Therefore, insatiable demand, which is human nature, leads the result that people are engaged than any other times. Their desire for more production and competitive society urge them to occupy much energy and time in working in order to keep up with increasingly fast pace of the society. 其实这句才是你想说的重点吧，但是就这么长长的一句。米力度。而且缺少证明，感觉就是你的一个推测。 这段建议整体翻修，把重点转移到最后这句。例子也要支持这里。

What’s more, technological production also make people’s in trouble as well as benefits, just as we know, dealing with the environmental pollution, maintaining and operating the equipments, resolving the problems when the technical equipments have something wrong and failing to run. That may waste people a lot of time to deal with them above all. So the real leisure time is not increasing at all. 入手点不错。建议这段展开深入研究讨论下。第二段就狠狠心改改或者删了吧。。。后面这些才是精髓。。

To sum up, along with the rapid technological advancement, the working efficiency of common people has greatly promoted and requires people to spend much time to continuously learn new technological knowledge, 这里断句。therefore occupying much spare time. In addition, the real spare time should be regarded as a dreamboat which representatives people’s thirst for living leisureful, but it is hard to realize for human nature and the secondary social problems.
文章前半截都是事实。缺乏深入分析。可以说是无用的。。后面的缺少展开。整体应该是密切围绕spare time should be regarded as a dreamboat 展开经行 深入的讨论。 评述如有不当还望指正~~加油~~~

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本帖最后由 jessicalulu 于 2009-4-5 19:41 编辑

30"The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time."

When retrospecting the history of technological development, we can consider technology as a tool of human beings to adjust, explore, and reform the nature.（挺好） With the help of technology, people’s lives tend to become more comfortable, intellectual, and easier than before, and we are achieving the primary goal to enhance people’s efficiency. However, the leisure time does not increase by virtue of the great efficiency. Get more leisure time can be regarded as an ideal status which is hardly to achieve.

In modern times, when people satisfy their basic need of survive, they begin to find new methods to improve their lives, so a lot of technological achievements reached（高科技也可以是为了satisfy people’s basic need呀^^）. Automation releases people from the tedious handwork and greatly improves efficiency and productivity. For example, the large-scale use of machine in temporary factories, has accelerated factory’s production rate, they could produce more commodities in each unit time. Another case in point is computer, the most famous invention in the 20th century. The functions of computers have greatly impact on everybody's daily lives. We can take advantage of computer treating the complex and enormous data within just a few seconds which task maybe cost us one year to accomplish. Moreover, we can use computer to find out useful information and needn’t to take trouble to look up original papers which save a lot of time for researchers. Computer can help us achieve what we want as quickly as possible and finally increase people's efficiency.

Admittedly, technological advancement bring out the improved efficiencies, the real leisure time should not increase in such tech-society, keeping in pace with the technologies actually depletes our time. Facing with the development of technology, progress of society, the higher pressure, fierce competition and even people’s aspiration of self-realization, how to spend the so-called leisure time become an attractive problem(刚好是我的文章中缺少的连接句^^学习学习~同时也要借用cmd对我作文的评语，为什么面对着这样的事实，人们要去努力“充电”呢？即使面对着这样的情况，人们还是可以享受自己的leisure time，为什么人们要去刻意的提高自己呢？还是可以挖掘下的。这是对cmd观点的延伸，给我启发挺大的^^顺便在此谢谢她^^). More and more people choose to attend a training to improve their self-qualities, or spend time to achieve more jobs for their material and psychic demand. They are forced to pay more attention on and spend more time in working. A survey can be used as an example to support above point, conduced by an authoritative organization of America, claims that average working time per week has been increased from 40 hours in 1960 to 60 hours nowadays. Therefore, insatiable demand, which is human nature, leads the result that people are engaged than any other times. Their desire for more production and competitive society urge them to occupy much energy and time in working in order to keep up with increasingly fast pace of the society.

What’s more, technological production also make people’s in trouble except benefits（这里有点绝对了）, just as we know, dealing with the environmental pollution, maintaining and operating the equipments, resolving the problems when the technical equipments have something wrong and failing to run. That may waste（个人感觉这里用“耗费”比“浪费”好一些^^） people a lot of time to deal with them above all. So the real leisure time is not increasing at all.

To sum up, along with the rapid technological advancement, the working efficiency of common（ordinary？） people has greatly promoted and requires people to spend much time to continuously learn new technological knowledge, therefore occupying much spare time. In addition, the real spare time should be regarded as a dreamboat which representatives people’s thirst for living leisureful（这个词……虽然理解是什么意思 可是没查到^^）, but it is hard to realize for human nature and the secondary social problems.



整体来说还是不错的^^几个分论点关系也挺清晰。就是感觉还是可以深挖一下的。再用一些更深的层次去分析，就可以提升到一个更高的高度。（虽然我也还没做到哈^^）Jessica我觉得你可以看看cmd批我的那篇，虽然被批得很惨，但我觉得对我真的挺有启发的。因为我有些观点和你的挺像，也许你也可以从中发现什么^^
学习啦学习啦。JJ语言啊什么的都挺不错。这里就不多说了^^有什么意见我们再商讨~

不好意思颜色有问题……JJ见附件吧^^

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嘿嘿,见附件