〓DIES IN FLAMS〓 Issue30 by 小北

winning1030UID: 2538401

SIGH。。。终于看到篇大字的了。。。lulu和cmj的小字太折磨我的眼睛了。。。What does technology bring to us? Higher level of living standard, more comfortable life style, more efficient in work and so on. There is no doubt that our people really benefit a lot from the technology advancement, and it also creates some leisure time as well. But is it the primary goal of technology advancement that to create more leisure time via increasing people's efficiency? Absolutely not.

The chief target of technology advancement is various among different period. Date（dating） back to the beginning of human society, the technology was served as the implements that helped human beings to survive and explore the nature. Under this case, the chief goal of the technology is just to satisfy the people's basic requirement of living. With the stage changed(with the change of the stage 或as the stage changed), people no longer content with the situation right now, according to the Maslow's Needs Hierarchy, people hope that technology could help them to pursuit the security need, social need, ego need(这个不对吧), or even self actualization. Experienced the three Industrial Revolutions, the technology improvement made it possible for people to live in a much higher standard of life. Thus, the vital aim is becoming bigger （？）while the society is developing.


Admittedly the technology brings the earth-shaking changes today. Professional equipment are created to facilitate the work for people; transport system has been ameliorated which makes it more efficient to travel from one place to another; household machines such as washer, microwave oven and air conditioner, also makes convenience to people. In some degree, the technology increases the people's efficiency, but, does it absolutely lead to create more leisure time for them? Nowadays, the step of life is becoming faster and faster as a result of the contributions that the technology makes to the society. In some big companies, the staff have endless work to do, sometime even occupy their lunch time or enforce them to work overtime until midnight. What's more, there are frequent meetings to attend, which deprive them of their original leisure time, let alone have more leisure time. Thus, the ascent of the people's efficiency does not equal they have more leisure time, instead, sometimes it impose heavier burden on them which take some intrinsic leisure time away.（没有解释闲暇时间减少的内在原因，你罗列的只是现象，希望你能挖掘出这其中的本质，这样才有深度）
Imagine, even if the technology exactly bring the majority of people more leisure time, in the long term, does it really do good to us and the society? When people accustomed to such situation, they may lose their dreams or ambitions and become lazier. Besides, a part of people who can not take advantage of the valuable time may dawdle or even go astray. If these last long, it must be harmful to both the people and the society itself. So, there are something more important than the leisure time. Today, the primary goal of technology advancement is to solve the social contradictions, including human relationship and the attitudes to the nature. For instance, the modern technology alienates people from each other and has them become aloof and indifferent. Furthermore, sometimes the environmental aspect has been neglected during the development of the society such as polluted water, poisonous gases and shortage of natural resource. Only focus on these serious problems first can we enhance our capability of creating a convenient and enjoyable living environment.

The primary goal varies according to the evolution of human society, there is no constant one that lasts from begin to end. What we have to do is to find and analysis the contradictions in the society that we live in and apply the advanced technology to solve them, which will guarantee a brighter future in our lives.
考虑下把第二段放到你原来的4段之后，然后把本来在第四段提出的当代社会的科技主要目标弄到原来的第二段去。看看这样会不会好些。因为你的第二段和第三段接不上。考虑看看~~
语言很简洁，很喜欢你第二段的主题句。

seiranzcc1UID: 2514067

What does technology bring to us? Higher level of living standard, more comfortable life style, more efficient in work and so on. There is no doubt that our people really benefit a lot from the technology advancement, and it also creates some leisure time as well. But is it the primary goal of technology advancement that to create more leisure time via increasing people's efficiency? Absolutely not.开头非常直接，直指主题

The chief target of technology advancement is various among different period. Date back to the beginning of human society, the technology was served as the implements that helped human beings to survive and explore the nature. Under this case, the chief goal of the technology is just to satisfy the people's basic requirement of living. With the stage changed, people no longer content with the situation right now, according to the Maslow's Needs Hierarchy, people hope that technology could help them to pursuit the security need, social need, ego need, or even self actualization. Experienced the three Industrial Revolutions, the technology improvement made it possible for people to live in a much higher standard of life. Thus, the vital aim is becoming bigger while the society is developing.
我修改了自己的文章之后也觉得这是一个很好的点，但是这个点我认为深挖一下或者写的详尽一些其实更有价值


Admittedly the technology brings the earth-shaking changes today. Professional equipment are created to facilitate the work for people; transport system has been ameliorated which makes it more efficient to travel from one place to another; household machines such as washer, microwave oven and air conditioner, also makes convenience to people. In some degree, the technology increases the people's efficiency, but, does it absolutely lead to create more leisure time for them? Nowadays, the step of life is becoming faster and faster as a result of the contributions that the technology makes to the society. In some big companies, the staff have endless work to do, sometime even occupy their lunch time or enforce them to work overtime until midnight. What's more, there are frequent meetings to attend, which deprive them of their original leisure time, let alone have more leisure time. Thus, the ascent of the people's efficiency does not equal they have more leisure time, instead, sometimes it impose heavier burden on them which take some intrinsic leisure time away.
这可能是我钻牛角尖了，你看看有没有道理，指点一下：因为作者提到的是"should"，对于这种倾向性问题，其实他在乎的并不是事实是否如此，而是作者这种倾向有没有道理。因此，在这里用大篇幅提“是不是”，在逻辑上和其他几点论证稍有断层。
（纯属个人看法）
Imagine, even if the technology exactly bring the majority of people more leisure time, in the long term, does it really do good to us and the society? When people accustomed to such situation, they may lose their dreams or ambitions and become lazier. Besides, a part of people who can not take advantage of the valuable time may dawdle or even go astray. If these last long, it must be harmful to both the people and the society itself. So, there are something more important than the leisure time. Today, the primary goal of technology advancement is to solve the social contradictions, including human relationship and the attitudes to the nature. For instance, the modern technology alienates people from each other and has them become aloof and indifferent. Furthermore, sometimes the environmental aspect has been neglected during the development of the society such as polluted water, poisonous gases and shortage of natural resource. Only focus on these serious problems first can we enhance our capability of creating a convenient and enjoyable living environment.
如果能过度得再流畅些就更好了，否则给人感觉独立的列出三点来，感觉并不是太好

The primary goal varies according to the evolution of human society, there is no constant one that lasts from begin to end. What we have to do is to find and analysis the contradictions in the society that we live in and apply the advanced technology to solve them, which will guarantee a brighter future in our lives.
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作者思考很全面，很广泛，语言流畅，用词也没什么重复，但是就是我说的那几点，不知道作者有什么看法，指点一下哦