5.6月份 cracking ibt essay!小组 xiushe的作文，请大家帮忙修改/_\

xiusheUID：2136439

Teacher should be paid according to their student's performs

Some people may honor the theacher as an great occupation, and refuse to evaluate teachers' job by their
student's perform. They might say"The teacher can not study for you, It's the students' duty to study
harder to get higher score" .However, it is undeniable that it's teacher's duty to pay attention to
every one of their students, no necessary to make every one achieve the best, but to help them improving
themselves from their current level. In this point,teacher should be paid according to their students'
performs.

Basiclly, teacher as an occupation should have some kind of evaluation system to decide how much they
deserved for their job. Just like students' exams, the harder they studied during the class the higher score
they will get from the test.  it can be a good way to examine teachers too. Meanwhile, payments as the
"score" relate to their student's performs in the test. From my personal experience, when I was in high
school, students receive papers form techer management department to ask them if they are satisfied to
their current teacher, the optional answer were separated as "fair,good,or poor." I clearly remembered the
papar because there was really some different type of teacher in our class, one of them is especially
welcomed by our classmate, whenever she came into classroom, we could felt the rejoice atmosphere
accompany with her. Her cheering characteristic and patient attitude in the teaching process earned "the
best teacher of the year" title for her, also gained a big increase for her salary. from then, our school tests
teachers every year to encourag other teachers to pay more attention on their duty.

On the other hand, it is unfiar to teachers by paying their salaries depends on the number of years they
worked in school. Imagine a school without an standard evaluation on their teachers, and gave them the
same paycheck regardless their students' achievements. it would be a great disappointment for those
teacher tried their best to help students. also an unfair payment to thoes didn't working hardly for their
class. when I was in senior high school, there was an old teacher in our mathmatic class really disappointing
us, he recived a highly paybill from shcool because of her teaching ages. I always heard my classmate
discussing about him that did not make his lecture clear on the class, neither could they found him during  
office hour in his room.

After all, teacher is an career just like others, they needs a certain system to be supervised, to make sure
every they gets what their deserves from their work. also the students' score is the best teller of a teacher's
achievement.

想秋刀鱼的猫UID：2304079

Some people may honor(这里是表达羡慕还是尊敬呢?如果是尊敬的话跟后面的refuse不大搭) the theacher as an great occupation, and refuse to evaluate teachers' job by their
student's perform. They might say"The teacher can not study for you, It's the students' duty to study ' ^  Y  _7 I# {9 _: n9 g
harder to get higher score" (to...to感觉句式有点单调,改成to study harder for higher score).However, it is undeniable that it's teacher's duty to pay attention to
every one of their students(每一个他的学生?这句怪怪的,有点Chigish...), no necessary to make every one achieve(s) the best, but to help them improving (help sb do sth,改成improve)J) Pthemselves from their current level. In this point,teacher should be paid according to their students' performs.6 T8
E1 h2 l0 `8 O+ S  e
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Basiclly, teacher as an occupation should have some kind(s) of evaluation system to decide how much they $ q1 O0 z) c1 F1 O
deserved for their job. Just like students' exams, the harder they studied during the class the higher score ! o% |+ j0 `6 w
they will get from(in?) the test.  (,)it can be a good way to examine teachers too. Meanwhile, payments as the
"score" relate to their student's performs in the test(这句,嘶,没看懂...). From my personal experience, when I was in high school, students receive(d) papers form(from吧?) te(a)cher management department to ask them (这边有点罗嗦)if they are(时态?)satisfied to their current teacher, the optional answer were separated as "fair,good,or poor." I clearly remembered the 5 mpapar because there was really some different type(s) of teacher in our class, one of them is especially welcomed by(用populared with)our classmate(s), whenever she came into classroom, we could felt the rejoice (rejoice是动词啊,这里该用个形容词)atmosphere accompany(ied) with her. Her cheering characteristic and patient attitude in(to) the teaching process earned "the best teacher of the year" title for her, also gained a big increase for(of) her salary. From(Since比较好) then, our school tests teachers every year to encourag other teachers to pay more attention on their duty.
2 Uzhe 2 这  zhe 2
这一段句型结构有点问题哦,时态要注意~
On the other hand, it is unfiar(unfair) to teachers by paying their salaries depends on the number of years they 6 q; d- e& q4 b( }2 P+ w
worked in school. Imagine a school without an standard evaluation on their teachers, and gave(时态?) them the . q9 f/ K7 M2 l7 P2 h8 t( c2 v
same paycheck regardless their students' achievements. It would be a great disappointment for those
teacher(s) tried their best to help students. also an unfair payment to thoes(?) didn't working hardly for their(重复). when I was in senior high school, there was an old teacher in our mathmatic class(直接改成an old math teacher) really disappointing . \us, he recived a highly paybill from shcool because of her (his or her?)teaching ages. I always heard my classmate 2 {discussing about him that did not make his lecture clear on the class, neither could they found him during office hour(s) in his room.2 [. o# ]7(
E! i# y2 t
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这一段简单句式有点多,It be,There be的句式不要用太多,从句有点不通顺~
After all, teacher is an(a) career just like others, they needs (need)a certain system to be supervised, to make(改成making是不是好些) sure every they gets(每个所得?这个用法也有点怪..) what their deserves from their work. also the students' score is the best teller of a teacher's 2 |+ z8 @" L4 xachievement.

文章结构很好,内容事例也很丰富,但是在语法和句型上要注意下,另外关于时态和拼写的小细节也要多关注下哈
其实我水平也有限啦,请多指教,鞠躬^_^

lingyao1UID：2467525

2# 想秋刀鱼的猫
Teacher should bepaid according to their student's performs
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, h& B6 i- K$ }& R' j* b3 S! ASome people may honor the teacheras an great occupation, and refuse to evaluate teachers' job by their
student's perform. They might say "To study 9 B" Y5 {0 e* j; o/ \3 X! }5 aharderfor getting higher score is students’ duty." However, it isundeniable that teacher’sduty is help their students to improving the knowledge level, not make everyoneachieving perfect. In this point, teacher should be paid accordingto their students'
performs.(这个论点肯定要展开的，用举例来证实你这段的结尾啊。比如，我的某某老师，整日茶不思饭不想就想教好学生，他的身体啊、经济情况啊等等很遭，结果我们这些学生都出息了，但他的生活还是很差，所以，根据结果给他payment是最公平的。或是反面论证，如果不根据表现去paid，那么老师们就没有competition，教不教都一样，比如我的朋友怎么怎么样之类的论证它。)
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" v! \. {, D& j& q# \Basically, the teacher as this occupation should have a kind of systematicevaluation for deciding how much they deserved from job. Just like students' exams, the final scores isa standard which is a representation about how working in every term. Meanwhile,the teacher will be paid relate to score in every exam. In accordance withmy personal experience, when I was in high
school,all of studentsneeded to join a survey about whether they satisfied to their teacherfrom facultymanagement department. I clearly remembered that the
activitybecause there was really some different type of teacher in our class, one ofthem is especially '\/ @) Z0 G5 iwelcomed by ourclassmate, whenever she came into classroom, we could felt the rejoiceatmosphere
accompany with her. Her cheeringcharacteristic and patient attitude in the teaching process earned "the /best teacher of the year" title for her, alsogained a big increase for her salary. from then, our school tests
teachers every year to encourage other teachers to pay moreattention on their duty.(评价系统怎么后面就是你的老师很受欢迎然后就拿到很多钱了，中间也没提评价系统啊，你老师受欢迎因此拿钱多和有没有评价系统没关系) On the other hand, it is unfair toteachers by paying their salaries depends on the number of years they
worked in school. Imagine a school without anstandard evaluation on their teachers, and gave them the , a2 c0 \7 v! b2 @% r6 Fsame paycheck regardless their students'achievements. it would be a great disappointment for those . D8 K# {6 n3 lteacher tried their best to help students.also an unfair payment to those didn't working hardly for their : Y- o8 Q5 B/ w! F& y- [. z! kclass. when I was in senior high school,there was an old teacher in our mathematics class really disappointing # g; Y; W* Q7 Zus, he received a highly paybill from schoolbecause of her teaching ages. I always heard my classmate ) v- @3 Y2 ]5 j4 X5 A7 ?discussing about him that did not make hislecture clear on the class, neither could they found him during + y* _+ H  ~5 I1 |) Moffice hour in his room.
( h6 p7 l9 K, f9 z& [0[  T
4 [2 w0 Y# Y3 Y8F" dAfter all, teacher isacareer just like others, they needs a certain system to be supervised, to makesure ' w6 I/ b0 E' D*I9 S$ Mevery they gets whattheir deserves from their work. also the students' score is the best teller ofa teacher's
achievement.



1.同学，我以为我够着急的，你比我还急拼写错误的确不少。
2.跑题了，特别第二段前半部分，没有支持你提到的system，第一段可以展开写。
3.我理解你的意思应该是四段论。一：你支持按劳给钱，然后需要展开+再来个例子。 二：要是有个评价系统按劳给钱，学生有喜欢老师干的还来劲，这时用你那个例子证明一下。三：反面论证，如果不按劳给钱，老师没竞争没动力还大锅饭，谁还能管学生好坏，然后你遍个例子证明。四：结论，对于题目，我顶！

xiusheUID：2136439

多谢两位！楼上的分析非常精辟...俺一写东西就逻辑混乱,经常写跑题... 一起加油！